I've had AS for almost 2 years now and i don't know if I've ever asked why me. i've asked 'how am i gonna keep going", 'how am i gonna work", 'how am i gonna help with my son", "what can i still do that i enjoy in life". I am heavy into biking and gardening, not good friends with arhtritis. After 1.5 years of no good answers I final found the right meds and I can continue living. so i'm going full steam ahead and not looking back. I got a second chance and I'm not gonna waste it.
when others asked something like that question i usually gave them the scientific answer. i didn;t depress me as much. it felt less personal that way.
Hope you don't me adding my two cents. i haven't been on in a while but frequently read posts. This is a good topic! I don't often ask why me basically because I blame myself for most of whats wrong. I've been about 35 pounds overweight forever and I tend to blame everything on my weight.
I do know that I get very tired of fighting this everyday. The pain and fatigue is debilitating. It saps me of all energy. There are many days where I probably sleep 12 + hours. I feel like my life has completely spun out of control.
Anyway, I am getting way off topic. But feeling pretty down these days.
Gentle hugs to everyone,
21 years old...Systemic Lupus 11/07, lupus nephritis 01/09, raynoids 03/08, Carpal Tunnel 03/08
Well, when I was young (before being diagnosed with lupus, but suffering through flares of all sorts of symptoms), I always used to ask "why me". I also used to get depressed about what was happening to me. But then when my flares ended, I just went on with life hoping it wouldn't happen again. But of course, they always came back at some point.
Then suddenly in 2003 I started getting low back pain for the first time in my life, even though I was very active and fit. I thought maybe I was overdoing things and slowed down a bit for a while..and my back pains would come and go. But over time, each time I had a pain flare, it would last longer and get worse. I would have to decline going out with friends many times because I just was in too much pain, but of course, they did not understand.
Then by 2006 I was hardly able to walk at all anymore. Whatever was going on in my back had progressed drastically and again, I used to ask "why me". Well, after an MRI, it was found I had severe lumbar stenosis, DDD, and spinal arthritis. I was to the point that I had almost no quality of life left. Yes, I got depressed on and off, but...for some unknown reason, my sadness and anger did not last long. I just cannot explain why, though. Maybe my past experiences with lupus flares and accompanying pains just made me accustomed to life with pain. For some reason, I just accepted that this was my fate and there was nothing I could do about it. Although I did have spine surgery, which helped a great deal, but now have scar tissue, plus continuing herniations and who knows what else going on. My neck has also been acting up and I deep down feel like I have something similar going on in my neck as I had in my lumbar spine but have no money right now to have it checked out. But I just do not get depressed anymore. I just accept that I am this way and that is it. I only do things that I can physically do and try to deal with everything else. But I am quite a stubborn person and always try to do some things even though I might have pain. I think part of it now is being able to cope from my past experiences....and also, I believe my joint problems may possibly have a genetic link to them, all from my mother's side of the family. My grandmom supposedly had MS, plus severe spine problems and ended up basically wheelchair bound. My uncle had hip and joint problems as a child already; my aunt was a little luckier as she did not develop joint problems until her late 50's - she had one hip replaced but now quickly her other hip is going down the tubes. And...my mother has had some sort of spine problems for many years now, though she just doesn't bother getting it checked out. So this part of it makes me wonder if something is genetic related. Also, one of my sisters , unfortunately, has 4 different autoimmune diseases, some of which could be life threatening. So I strongly believe that at least some of it family-related and makes me think that my problems might have happened no matter what I did in life and that is just the way I am. I just deal with it all day by day, that's all I can do. I have found being depressed and/or angry just saps all the little left over strength one has and it is just too draining. I guess my mind has found it's own way of dealing with it all.
Red_34, I'm with you...there are many times someone has said to me that at least I'm young and have my health. Ummm, no, I don't. Christina, I personally think that trying to figure out why these things happen to us just makes us focus more on the negative and trying to analyze everything you've done in life to figure out what could have caused it is something that probably will do more harm than good. I know I had those questions when first diagnosed with all of my health problems and I realized the stress of trying to figure it out was doing more harm. I truly believe that things happen for a reason and I'm going to put my faith in the fact that something good will come out of it...whether it be that it makes me stronger or more sympathetic or whether my experiences can provide someone else some relief when they see that you can live with these problems.