Good luck, Erin! 50 minutes is a long drive, taking the train is probably much better for you. I had a contract job I had to drive that plus traffic for a while and it really wears on you FAST.
The untreated lyme disease can wreak havoc on you. That is an awful story. I'm sorry to hear all this.
Have fun with your kids this weekend Ducky! I hope you never have to go through that eye cleaning process - yuck! and scary!
To answer your earlier questions:
Yes, I can dole out the advise better than I can take it sometimes. Especially when depression hits me so hard, and then I feel GUILTY about being so uncontrollably depressed. I know, I'm a little crazy.
I mentioned marraige counseling to my husband. He said no. When this started 10 years ago, every doctor had no answer. There was never this "OH, so THIS is your problem....bring your husband in and let's discuss this." So, he never got the low down on what is going on and now he might listen to me, but it goes in one ear and out the other since he's heard too many, "this is what the doctor said...." that was changed by the next appointment. TO make matters worse, my pride kept me from doing the right thing, probably. I kept telling myself, 'I'll get better. I can DO this...etc." then, I'd end up back where I was before my efforts ever got me very far.
He thinks I should just "snap out of it" "get up and push yourself" or "get over what ever weird, mental, thing" when I feel a certain way he doesn't understand or like, and when I ask for extra help either from him or hiring someone it's "no, that is your job" or "no, you don't NEED help, you just WANT it." He thinks I'm fat and lazy and could do more than I can. Part of the problem I'm guessing is I should have been put on antidepressents, soon after I had my son. Now with the liver problems, I need to limit anything I take.
My husband no longer loves me. He has said so. He hasn't left because of the children. I do still love him. I think the butt of his problem is intamacy - I was physically and mentally unable to hold up my end of the marital relations bargin for a long time and he took it as a personal attack that I did not care about him. (I'm pretty positive he is not cheating on me, thankfully.) Over time he detached himself to me and (from my perspective) has this "You owe me!" attitude and despite my efforts to rekindle our relationship, he has kept me at arms length.
That's enough about that before I get too upset and loose the day.
Have a great day everyone.
Good luck! You can do it!
You are a STRONG person and a GOOD person - don't let anyone rain on that parade. Just take it one day at a time, and preparing ahead like you said, will help keep you one step ahead for each day!
CaMama - are you sure your husband doesn't love you? Just 'cause he said it, doesn't mean that it's true... I'm sure there are still feelings there, but for whatever reason, there are too many bad ones on top of the love and he's having a hard time seeing the love... Only staying together for the kids isn't the way to go either... I am divorced from my kids father... I tried for 2 years to stay in a marriage 'cause I didn't want to hurt my kids... and like you I didn't want my kids to grow up without their daddy... but then I came to realize that if I'm not happy, my kids won't be either... 'cause eventually they will catch on and they will see the tension and feel the tension... it's not healthy for anyone... I'm not trying to persuade you to do one or the other, but please don't think you are doing your kids any justice by staying in a household that is unhappy... Don't get me wrong, it is hard... it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do... but now, my kids are very happy and very well adjusted to everything... my ex-husband has recently remarried and my kids think it is so cool that their family is HUGE now! Between step parents and step grandparents... I wish you all the strength in the world mentally as well as physically, you'll need it no matter what path you wish to take... My thoughts are forever with you...
Erin - CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I knew you'd get the job! That is so cool that they understand your situation too! With the train ride, you will be able to whind down from your day before you go home to your honey and kitties... Best of luck to you in the new chapter to your life! Gotta check on the other posts... Happy Weather, Warm Hugs and as always - Best Wishes - Ducky
What rotten news, I just cannot fathom a parent being so distant and uncaring. Erin, we're proud of you, and I know that is not the same thing and doesnt' get you medical coverage, you ARE amazing and congratulations on the graudation, new job, and everything else you've succeeding in doing! You are one strong woman and should be proud of all that you have accomplished while fighting your health!
Don't feel guilty about buying some clothes. When I've gone through my periods of being sick, everyone tells me, "get a haircut, dress nice, put on a little make up....even if you aren't going anywhere - it'll perk you up." A for your dad, you don't want everyone's trip to be ruined, so let's hope he just eats some bad food right away and can't enjoy his trip! :)
oh yea, definitely am going to complain @ next rheumy visit. i'm physically WORSE than when i started aggressive treatment. and i mad about it! see him in june....but going to make it sooner...now it's progressed into my upper spine and neck and shoulders...plus MAJOR leg/joint pain where i'm walking terribly. really think i need an adjunct to enbrel besides just darvocet and diazepam & lidoderm.
it's amazing what a little TLC can do. had a fabulous weekend with my honey! although i could not walk well...or too long as well.....i hobbled around the house outside with him for 15 minutes. a short walk...but he loved to walk long whiles with me in the past, so it made him happy that i got to do a little. SMILED THROUGH THE PAIN. did a lot of grilling and cooking and eating! and drinking!!! a very HEDONISTIC weekend....but we needed it! still not gaining weight at 96 pounds. but am having a jolly good time having steak and potatoes and cake and icecream and wine and bread!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. never used to eat like this...was mainly vegetarian, but had to change my ways since ill.
my new place of work is super nice i enjoy it...getting ready to go soon....takes about an hour to get there. it's better than working in the hospital.....have more time to sit and go slower for now! hope to go back to unit work in the future! Ducky....how are you? hubby home yet? how's the hairdo? hope you are keeping up the anti-Sasquatch maintanace! (i've also been very good!)
my honey's horse ran very well sunday! he was downgraded a race.....wasn't doing well running against higher class horses, but he came 2nd place this sunday! I WAS SOOOO HAPPY! made me cry.....he came all the way from the back to take 2nd in a 6 furlong race. he's such a nice horse....likes his eye scratched and nose rubbed...makes me feel good to pet em' like he nows i don't feel well...so sweet!
have a happy day everyone!
Hang in there and good luck with SSI. I hope it goes smoothly so you can spend your time getting better rather than trying to survive! Positive thoughts coming your way.
Also, warm weather is on its way! It's been hotter than you-know-what here in SoCal and it has just got to hit you way over there very SOON by now!
Yup, we've got the "governator" as everyone calls him. So far, he's been doing a pretty good job. However, the honeymoon period is over and now you hear the con side of his support a lot. Time will tell.
Kids finishing school now are getting their diplomas signed by him. I think that sounds so funny!