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effie
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/7/2005 7:09 AM (GMT -7)   
I could not begin to tell you how often I think of you. Every time I log on, you are on my mind and you are always in my prayers. I think you are an absolutely wonderful person and you are so brilliant. Healing Well has so many very special people. You are most definately one of those special people. Not only do you have a heart of gold and as big as the entire state, but you offer brilliant advice and support to so many. I do not know how you do it. Your plate is already way too full. I am happy that you are continuing to study. However, I wonder if right now it may be a good idea to take a break. From what I understand you are already a RN, and you are taking additional courses, graduate studies to obtain your masters degree in nursing.

I wish I could be taking courses right now. However my disability insurance will not allow it. If I am well enough to study, the theory is that I am well enough to work.

I have 2 masters degrees. I did not do them all at once, but rather in stages throughout my life.

After my first husband died, I continued to work full time, hired and fired two lawyers who were representing my case against the company found negligent in the death of my husband, and took university courses like they were going to be gone from the universe if I did not take them right then, as well as being a mother to my young son. Eventually after firing the second lawyer, I memorized the Ontario workplace safety guidelines and laws. I then acted as my own lawyer. When I read over those transcripts, I can not believe that was me talking. The company was eventually found guilty and the Judge charged them with the highest fine a company had ever had to pay up to that point. They were ordered to pay the Ministry of Labour a large fine. I continued to sue the company. However after more than 3 years my grief therapist told me I needed to let it go. It was killing me. Every court hearing I had to relive those events. The fact that he was lifted out of the job site by a crane, when he had a torn aorta, the fact that he was asking for myself and my son for almost 3 hours. They called me, the police, 5 minutes before John died. I was working at a school, and the phone lines were busy. Why they did not interupt or send a cruiser over to the school are part of the what ifs I live with.

John died on May 16th and June 26th I was enrolling in full time university for the summer. Why? I justified it by saying that since we had no life insurance I needed to get additional qualifications to earn more money. So I began to work on a second masters degree. Every summer and throughout the school year I was taking courses and working full time during the school year. I loved being at university. I loved the buildings, the books, the professors, my fellow students, the smell of the building, just about everything. It was a great escape, and my papers kept me busy on those lonely nights.

I finally dropped the court case and settled for workers compensation pension.

I continued taking courses. Eventuallly my health started to fail and I had to drop from taking 3 or 4 courses a year to one.

The sad thing was I had a beautiful young boy at home. Of course I hired the best babysitters. When a child loses a parent, sometimes they really lose two parents. I was so wrapped up in my own sadness and grief that I could not be the best parent that I wanted to be. I justified all of my behaviour. However, the joy in me, was gone. It was gone for a very long time. I went through the actions, but the only real joy I seemed to be able to find was through getting excellent reviews at work and getting good grades on my papers.

As you can probably tell, although it is now many years ago, and I have remarried, I still feel this loss. Our marriage was not perfect, what marriage is, but we were very much in love and he was my safe place to land.

What cost did I pay? I eventually got sicker and sicker and finally had to go through the grieving process. I still am going through it. I lost a lot of time with my son. Now he is grown and suffers from depression. I wonder sometimes if he ever saw me smile or heard me laugh.

Why do I tell you this story again? I tell you because I am worried about you. You too are grieving. Grieving for the things that you once used to be able to do so much easier.

You are such a wonderful person. Perhaps, you need to take a temporary break from your studies.

I am on disability now. When I was working, I loved my job. However physically it became so difficult. I started losing everything, including important legal documents. I would be late for work. I could not sleep, still can not sleep, and sometimes I would just fall asleep for a half hour or an hour and the alarm would go off.

I would go to work so tired. I was still great at my job, but got sloppy on the paperwork and was not great at meeting deadlines. I found it harder and harder to get along with my coworkers and administrators. I still had excellent relationships with the students and parents.

One day I was questioned about why I was working when I was on methotrexate. I cried so hard I could not explain that this was being used to treat my psoriatric arthritis, not cancer. My boss sent me home that day and I never went back. I lost well over $30,000 in salary. Finally I was approved for disability.

However the disability people have made it clear that if I can courses. This kills me. I want so desperately to take updating courses while I have the time.

I wonder if you taking courses will interfere with your chances of getting disability.

My disability is through a private insurance company which pays me 70% of my salary. However we are still trying to get our heads above the water after me being without any salary for so long.

It is great to be getting these funds now. However we had renovated our home to give my son increased privacy, to help him adjust to the fact that I remarried. Thirty percent less salary of a good salary is a lot of money. I was the primary bread winner. My second husband moved here from England and he is a teacher. He has not got his Canadian qualifications yet so he works on a contract, letter of permission, year to year, and he has none of the union benefits. He had taught in Europe. However after his fiance died, he developed severe plaque psorasis and he took a job in banking. They recognized his talent and trained him to become a stock broker. In England he was earning a very good salary. However when he gave it all up and moved here, he was not able to work for two years whilst he waited for a work permit and his landed immigrant status. During those first two years he came to work with me everyday and volunteered at the school. So once he got his work permit, he was hired to take over a maternity leave at my school.

Erin please take care of yourself. It really sounds like you need to be on disability for awhile until you get stronger.

I am worried about your weight loss.

I am worried about how much pain you are in.

I never get a high from my pain meds and never did. However, now that I am home, for the most part I do not need as much as I did when I was trying to work. This is good, not because I was worried about how much I was taking. However when I take less, it is easier on the rest of my body. I am no longer having pounds drop off of me. My stomach is most of the time much better. I am still losing things, forgetting things, having memory problems, sleep problems, and continue to procrastinate on things, am late for important appointments etc.

I did not realize it at the time, but I think for the last couple of years that I was working I was severely depressed. In fact I am almost positive I had a complete nervous breakdown. I see a therapist now, but he is so expensive and not covered by me medical insurance plan. He is a psychologist, specializing in grief and people who suffer from chronic illness. If I was seeing a psychiatrist it would be covered. However I have found that most of the psychiatrists around here only want to medicate you and do not do cognitive behavioural therapy. However, I have come to the conclusion that I can not continue to pay one hundred and eighty dollars an hour, so I will look for another psychiatrist.

Forgive me for this letter being so long. I have been wanting to write to you for so long.

Although I am much older than you, I am 47, I just feel so close to you. My heart reaches out to you.

I am glad to hear that you get some breaks with your special person. I just wish he could marry you and take care of you 24/7.

Do you work full time or part time Erin? I do not know how you do it with all the pain you are in. I do not know where you get the strength to write to so many people.

I pray with all of my heart that you will soon be able to start the Humira, and get better. If I could I would mail you my Humira. It has been sitting on the bottom shelf of my fridge for 3 weeks. It is so expensive here. It cost me $1789.00. Eventually I will get the money back from the insurance company, but it seems like a long wait for reimbursement. I keep putting off my TB test so I can not get it injected yet.

My husband sees a new dermatologist today and I am hoping he will get Amevive. This is a new drug. You get 12 injections and apparently it arrests plaque psorasis. The remisssion is suppose to last for 22 months to two years. BTW he has had this psorasis since he was 14 but it really flared when his fiance died.

I also see the dermatologist today to get some squamous cell cancer spots on my face treated. I hope he will be able to just use the liquid nitrogen stuff. More scars on my face. Oh well that is the cost I have from being a lifeguard when I was younger and slathering on baby oil rather than sunscreen.

Can you take Ensure or Boost to try and get a bit more weight on? How tall are you?

Erin please, please take care of yourself. I will pray for you.

Have you applied for disability yet?

You mention your cats. I love cats too. How many do you have? I always had cats, but my son is allergic so now we have a wonderful standard size poodle. She is not like a small poodle and she is so smart. She is 13 now and has arthritis too. She has her own arthritis medication. It works well. We do not clip her like a poodle. She is just a shaggy dog. She gets shaved down for the summer. She is also trained to work in schools and hospitals. She is so much fun. I would be lost without her.

Well I will end now. I hope I do not get in trouble for such a long post. Please take care. You are in my thoughts and prayers always. Since I have not slept yet tonight I do not know if this even makes any sense.

Take care. remember always how wonderful you are.
Judy

Post Edited (effie) : 7/7/2005 8:51:15 AM (GMT-6)


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13454
   Posted 7/7/2005 2:18 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Effie & Gang,

I am Susie from the chronic pain & crohns boards. Judy, I just read your post and I wanted to cry. My god, you are such a strong lady. It amazes me the amount of strength we can manage to pull together in a crisis situation.

I have read a lot of Erin's posts and have had her on my mind. Its awful to see someone in the shape she is in to be so young and so much life ahead of her.

I am 52 as of last month, my problems began after an emergency resection 7-4-02 while on vacation in Mexico. Since that time, my health has spiraled downward, not just from cd, but osteo-arthritis, crohns arthritis and PN in my hands. Depression from hell. I am halfway out of the black hole. I had to stop working as of Oct. 03, my gi who has only retired one person in his life, demanded that I stop working and file for SSD. I finally filed Feb of 04 and was awarded benefits w/o any problems. I have worked 20yrs plus as a paralegal, its a very fast paced high stressed job. My load of cases averaged 150. I settled claims, ran the office, did the bookkeeping, you name it. This was my true love, my work. Anytime I had a problem, I could always lose it in my work.

I eventually had myself a meltdown and got on Effexor and I see a psychologist. I have learned so much from her. I still have issues with denial of my health problems, I am still grieving because of not being able to do the things I would normally do. I have always been very independant, self-spoken and went 500 hundred miles per hour a day, now I am at a snails pace. I am very limited, had surgery on both knees last year, now both may need to be replaced.

 My worst year was on 8-7-04 when my only brother was in an auto accident, (one car). He was pronounced at the scene, somehow god was not finished with him. He was in a coma for 3 months. He is better now, but w/two bleeds on both sides of the brain, he does have problems. As hard as I tried, for the months he was in the hospital I could not be there every day for him. When I did 5 days in a row, I ended in bed for a week. We are very close, so naturally when he started getting better, so did I.

Last Wed. my pain mgt doctor implanted a morhine pump in me and I feel this may be my new life. I am happy, excited, scared, all in one. Where did that 49 yr old gal go three yrs ago. The changes in some ways have been good, others bad. What a crap shoot.
 
Judy, it is not unusual for a person to grieve yrs after losing a loved such as  you did. I went thru this with my neighbor that lost her husband three yrs ago. She is just now beginning to truly grieve. She had a 16yr old daughter at home and felt she did not have time to grieve, she was too concerned about her daughter and this nearly destroyed her, both physically and mentally.
 
I want you to know you are one amazing lady. If you can make it thru your grief, which I have no doubt you will, life will get a little easier. I sort of got tones of you feeling guilty about your son and feel perhaps his depression is your doing. Do not go there, at the time you did the best you could with what you had available to work with. You have absolutely no guarantee that your son would not have had problems with depression one way or the other. Not all mothers & wives have the ability or capacity to have done what you did and lady, my hat is off to you. If the world had more of you in it, more children would stand a better chance at life. Lots of hugs your way....Susie


Flopsie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 1361
   Posted 7/7/2005 4:31 PM (GMT -7)   
yeah  Hey Susie, You are one pretty strong lady yourself.Look what you have accomplished. Paralegal work is definetly not easy. my daughter is one, and she is packed out all the time.
 
Resection in Mexico...I would have been scared out of my mind. But looks like you made it through it all right.Were you ever able to reconnect(anastamosis).
 
Ok I got off topic here, my main purpose for writing was to tell you, I know where you are coming from.I had to retire last year and apply for SSD(which I also got with no problem). I hate not being the me I used to be. I,too, used to go and go and go...now, life as I knew it, is gone.
 
I very rarely go out of the house, only for Doctor's appt. and once a week to the grocery.(have to have help from hubby with that).
It is so very hard to realize that I can not and will not ever be able to do what I once could.
 
Susie, I went through the depression also, and do still have periods of it...but when speaking of grief....we must let ourselves grieve also. We must have a period where we grieve for our old self, if we do not do this..we will never get better.
 
When we lose a part of ourself..it is as if we have lost a loved one..in effect we did.  We have to let our body's natural process take over. to grieve is to heal.
 
No grieving will not heal our body..but it will heal our minds to a point that we can accept our fate.
 
Well, guess I,too, tried to write a book,
 
Take care and you are in my prayers,
flopsie


Don't walk in front of me....I may not follow
Don't walk behind me....I may not lead
Walk beside me..and be my friend...
                                    Albert Carnus
 
and Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
 
 
VIEW IMAGE

Post Edited (Flopsie) : 7/7/2005 8:34:09 PM (GMT-6)


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13454
   Posted 7/7/2005 7:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello again, actually I had a resection done in Mexico. They took out a foot of the small bowel. Before doing this they thought it was my appendix so they took the appendix only to find them ok. Then opened me up lower and all hell broke loose. I was so ill I did not care what they did to me. There was a language barrier, my Spanish is limited to ordering food & spirits. They did not speak English. But again, I was too sick to care. The hospital was an old 3 story hotel converted. My daughter rode the elevator up to the top and walked in while they were doing surgery. Its not as conventional and modern as here in the states. You had no call button, you picked up the phone by your bed and a guy always answered bueno. LOL. I was the only patient in the hospital the first 3 days, my care was excellent from the drs to the nurses. Basically, the surgeon saved my life. I rode up this small elevator in a wheelchair, not big enough to hold a bed or gurney. Get wheeled into the operating room and this guy in Spanish, says "senora up on table." I was too sick to even ask him or motion for him to help, I somehow managed to climb up on the operating table, how I will never know. I had rode for 90 miles in a 1950's model ambulance, the only one in Cancun, the roads there are awful. By the time I got to Cancun they could have cut my head off and I wouldn't have cared. There really is some sick humor to this experience. Hugs to all, Susie


erin.K
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 3148
   Posted 7/7/2005 8:02 PM (GMT -7)   
hey there ladies: effie,straydog & flopsie,
effie, thank you so so very much. over the past week i have not read much here nor turned on the pc much at all because of not being able to use my hands & arms. right now i'm comfortable and hooray, i can actually write a little. from what you had written, there seems to be a little bit of me in you....... i think that is why we all here connect the way we do.....no matter how many miles apart or how many years difference there might be; it is quite peculiar how similar the paths we take are. very uncanny the lives in which we live are a little like each others. it makes you stand back a little and look at the bigger picture this crazy world has painted. amidst all of the tragedy, loss, greif and unfairness in the world....this is the one thing that perhaps matters the most, the small help one person gives to another each day.
you might have felt the same way i do (or did in the past), that the more i would go and go and go, then maybe whatever that was happening to me ... i would outrun it. but as i learned, i can't run that fast.  honestly i do not know how i made it this far. when i was on clinical, i know i ran on pure adrenaline, and that was only for twice a week. i raraley went to my class lectures because after our clinical days it would take 3-4 days to recover and actually "move" again, and then it would be time to start all over again.
i have my LPN and i have to finish 2 small courses and then can take my boards. i had recieved a grant for these 2 graduate courses i'm supposed to take starting today (as you can tell, i never made it in) & then it was supposed to flow into a BSN to MSN excellerated program.
but....the good news is, today i finally got hold of the school's disibility counselor. i am excused for this week and they will have me tuesday if i am able to make it. the plan is: I WILL GIVE IT 1 WEEK, if i can hang on by the skin of my teeth i'll do it...if NOT, then i am able to drop it at the end of next week and be refunded and enroll for the fall instead.
the 2 professors know i am sick, they know how bad it is, and they know i'm on chemotherapy. 
i know it makes sense for me to stop for a while all together and go back at a later time. i have been away from everything since may 16th. no work, no classes, no nothing. it's saddened me that things have not gotten any better and my condition continues to deteriorate as the weeks go on. i just feel that it would make me very happy if i can attend a few weeks and actually COMPLETE something and try to throw myself into something other than this for a while. i'm not shooting for an A! LOL ...i will just try to make it through the 4 weeks and get whatever i get.
i'm not happy now....being ripped away from everything, and on top of that, being petrified that it's possible that i have to withdraw from something again. i had made these plans in february in all hopes that i would be a lot different than i am now.
i really don't think i want to wait anymore. no more,"next year will be better".
 i feel i did all of the right things today. i made contact with all the right people in order to get through the 4 weeks.
this is weird but, i am really hoping i can continue in my nursing degree because i know in reality, i can not work now and even if i am able to get a little bit better i still cannot do even part time shift work....so, by being enrolled in school, i get those precious few hours twice a week to practice nursing and be in the hospital setting. and if that is all i can get, i will take it.
still waiting to hear from ssi/dis. it is still in processing for a yes or no .
i had left my old job in may. so i have no income coming in now. my father has cut me off his health coverage (he has more money than Rockafella...but i guess Tahiti and cruising can get quite expensive on top of having a whole other family on the side) so all of my savings is going towards meds and dr. appts. my school fortunatley has already been paid for since last year.
my Joey helps me out all of the time. but it's him making the moves because i never ask for anything. he is wonderful and has been great through this. i don't know where i would be without him right now...you know, he is the only time i feel human, like a real person, like a normal woman, beautiful....not just skin and bones and bruises.
wow, it's just one of those nites isn't it? HW is in a deep profound state tonite eh?
well, i think it is well deserved. most of the time we all are probably "hiding" what's really going on and covering up just how terribly lost, angered and upset we all are at times.
you are all fabulous...each and every one of you.
to a peaceful sleep and a better tomorrow
erin  

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13454
   Posted 7/7/2005 9:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi again everyone, some of us are still awake. Erin, be careful with the schooling and trying for SSD. Most instances they will deny you, they claim if you can attend school, then you can work. You really need to think about this.
 
Yes, its amazing how coming to HW allows a person to let out feelings and thoughts you would not dare to speak of with anyone else. I have been suicidal many times in the past 3 yrs. I just feel my life has been turned upside down, snatched away, not worth living. Now that I have the morphine pump I hope it will open a door for me to a new & different life. At least let me feel I am a worthy person.
 
Lots of hugs....Susie
 


CaMama
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1884
   Posted 7/7/2005 9:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Wow.

Erin, as you know from a different post, I agree with these ladies about postponing your studies. My problems started getting really bad 10 years ago and got much worse after my son was born 4 years ago. Every year I get worse. I've lost 2 job and my doctor wants me to apply to SSI. I'm only in my 30's and have a hard time letting go, but I have to accept that I cannot go on with trying to juggle my family, my pain, illnesses, and an outside job. It's a tough call to know when the best time is to try again....but the fact is, you have been through SO much lately, you just cannot afford another thing on your plate (other than some more apple fritters :-)  ) - getting through school 'by the skin of your teeth' could land you back in the hospital......your life is more important than that!!!

Ladies, your stories are heartbreaking. I cannot believe you all have gone through so much. I cried with every entry. I've been wondering about how depressed I've been getting for so long and you pretty much opened my eyes about it even more so. Last year I felt like I was being buried alive. Now that I lost my job, it's not as bad as that, but I find myself so easily switching from fine to breakdown. I get mad that I get depressed, and that makes me more upset. It's not that I feel "woe is me..." but, something inside me just dies and I feel like I'm barely going through the motions, worse, I don't have the strength, health or ability to "work through it" anymore whether it's a job, cleaning house, or taking care of my kids and I feel so defeated. I keep trying to get back to work - I too have been the main breadwinner of the family and now my husband has to support us on his meager salary in a job that he absolutely hates. He has no other skills and really cannot go anywhere else at this point. The fact our marriage is rocky doesn't help - and my health issues have been a good contributor of those rocks.

But, Erin, I think you and I are dealing with the same fight, just from different corners of life. I so understand your want and need to continue on with school. I understand the need to fight it and say, " I CAN and WANT to do this! You can NOT get me down!" You have your health and sanity to think about, not to mention your sweetie. Put yourself in someone else's shoes - how you would feel if a loved one was going through this and you could see how much they needed to step back and take it easy for a while. Wouldn't you beg them to take a break?

I pray you will get relief soon, as well as all of us, from what ails us physically, mentally, and spiritually.

**


 


oreo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 528
   Posted 7/8/2005 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Ladies, WOW, WOW!!!!!!!!!!Your stories are an inspiration for me. I can't begin to imagine what you are all going through. Luckily my arthritis has never been so bad that I can't work for extended periods of time. The one time it was severe I was at home trying to raise my two young boys and not working. The next time it was really bad I lost about 2 weeks of work before being put on the enbrel. I can't say that I know what you are going through but I can empathize with the pain. My heart goes out to each of you as you try to survive out there. May all of you find relief in some small way in the very near future.
I often find myself wondering if I am really where I should be right now because I can't really understand everyone's lives. I am here in the background and really letting you all vent and find the support you need from the people you need it most from. May I not hinder your healing by editting too much. Here is a safe place to come and just vent. If you need me I am here even though I don't respond to as many threads as i used to.
May God continue to touch each of your lives and bring healing to you all .
Oreo
Worry not for tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself.
 
Remember healing comes one step at a time, sometimes it seems that its one forward and 2 back but ultimately, always in a forward direction!!!
 
Help HealingWell continue to help people.  Please donate today.  Every little bit helps.  To donate go to www.healingwell.com/donate
 


effie
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/8/2005 7:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Oreo,

You are exactly where u need to be. Please, please do not even talk that way. It scares me. I would be lost without you.
You are feeling a bit better right now, so you are busy I am sure with lots of important things that you could not do before.
No one would ever make any negative judgements about you.
We all know that you are here. You have given people such wonderful support, hope and advice.
I know in my heart that if I really needed to talk to someone you would be there. You are always just an email away, or I could start a new topic and just title it, "OREO, this is important, I really need to talk to you." You are so kind and gentle. I really hope one day we can meet in person, you and I live pretty close to each other. I would love to meet you in person. The thought that you might even consider not being here brings me to tears, as I am sure it would others. I was quite sick for awhile, so I wrote zero posts, although I had everyone in my mind and prayers. I need you, and I can tell from the other posts that I am not the only one that you have helped. You offer an honest opinion, but you do it in a gentle, kind way. You have your head screwed on right and you do not ever judge or over react. Thank you for all your kindness, once I start the Humira you will be one of the first people I write to. It is okay to have another life and to have some down time from here. We all need it from time to time. Hang in there. Remember how wonderful you are and how much you are needed. What ever you can give is fine by me and I am sure everyone else feels the same way.
With sincerest wishes that you continue to feel better. Do not let uncalled for guilt on your plate. YOU do a GREAT JOB! AND YOU are exactly WHERE YOU NEED TO BE!!!!
Love,
Judy?effie tongue :-)

Post Edited (effie) : 7/8/2005 8:50:55 AM (GMT-6)


CaMama
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1884
   Posted 7/8/2005 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   

My sentiments exactly! Don't hold off postings due to guilt, be happy for your remission. We are!!!! You are such a caring person, your voice would be sorely missed!

**


 


Flopsie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 1361
   Posted 7/8/2005 8:40 AM (GMT -7)   

yeah  Oh Oreo,

I completely agree with these Ladies...do NOT feel guilty over some relief that you are getting from the monster PAIN.

REJOICE. as we are ..to know that some one is finally getting some much needed relief.We love you, and are so glad that you are here for us. God put you here for a reason....one of those reasons..WE ALL NEED YOU.

We do not care if you do not immediately answer or comment on a post...so what...you will get to it.

I know that you are a kind and caring person..I can tell by the words in your posts..that is why you feel as you do, but honey, we are your extended "family", your immediate family must come first.

You would never hinder me, if you felt a post needed to be edited, it would be in the best interest of this forum, and it is here to promote wellness.

If I saw one of my posts had been edited I would think "oh oh, I opened my big mouth again, and spoke before I thought.(sometime I forget to remember to do that ya know)

I would not be offended.

Please stay right here with us, I need you, I can not do this alone.

You are in my thoughts and prayers..praying also that remission continues for you,

flopsie


Don't walk in front of me....I may not follow
Don't walk behind me....I may not lead
Walk beside me..and be my friend...
                                    Albert Carnus
 
and Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
 
 

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13454
   Posted 7/8/2005 9:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Oreo, you must post. When we see someone who is doing pretty well and in remission, do you realize the hope you are giving to others. Its awesome to hear about someone doing well. Sometimes, we think its impossible to happen, and along comes some one doing well, and it restores our hope. Susie


Boo
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2004
Total Posts : 724
   Posted 7/9/2005 6:19 AM (GMT -7)   
cool  YO!  Friends!  I've been lost in my own world for a few weeks now and have been getting caught up on everyone's posts this morning.  You know, I've been on such a pity party and all I have to do is get on this forum and realize how blessed I am.  My heart goes out to all you brave folks who haven't given up.  Wondering what I'd do in a situation like what you've been through and are going through, makes me want to slap myself. 
We are still playing the trial and error game with meds.  If they work for the pain, swelling and stiffness, my GI pays the price.  If stomach tolerates it, it doesn't do much for the arthritis. 
Last eppy did nothing for stenosis so I am back in physical therapy twice a week for 8 weeks.  Have to drive an hour to get there, which doesn't help the joints.  They say that if I do what they tell me, I may get some feeling back in left hand.  Home traction and excercises are helping some.  However, surgery seems like a very real possibility.  Hubby is not very helpful at this point.  Still makes awful remarks about how I could have caused this to happen to myself.  Yeah!  Like I wanted to have this disease and hurt everyday of my life.  It's called IGNORANCE.  Anyway, I'm still strong enough to take of myself.  Stronger mentally than physically.  That's important. 
I spent July 4 weekend at the lake with my four brothers and sister, all our kids and grandkids, eating everything that didn't run away from me and relaxing on a raft off the dock.  It was great!  Just what I needed.  Time away from hubby and being with a bunch of the greatest folks in the world.  My brothers' lake cabins are nicer than my house and right on the water.  They brought me back to reality as there are handicap ramps all around their cabins.  They all 4 have muscular dystrophy and have fun like they don't know any better.  Very successful business men who didn't let their disability interfere with life.  They are my heroes!
It's good to wake up and get back on here.  Thanks for not leaving like I did.  Luv, Boo

CaMama
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1884
   Posted 7/10/2005 8:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Boo -
 
I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. I'm glad you got a chance to get away and be with family. I miss that myself - I have a husband who also does not understand and my family lives far away. Because my issues came about as what seemed like an injury initially and slowly became an undefined problem that affected my whole body and now I'm just constantly sick, my husband thinks I'm fat and lazy now (years of disability put a lot of pounds on) and the tension has been awful for years now.
 
This forum also reminds me of how lucky I am and how much worse things could be. As well as helping me understand that I'm not alone in how I feel and what's going on with me.
 
I have a question about the drugs that wreak havoc on your stomach but help the RA, have you tried stomach meds? When I was on azulphidine, it worked great, but my stomach was in gut-wrenching pain. The doc Rx'd Prevacid once a day, and you woudln't belive the relief that little pill gave me. Though it meant popping yet another pill daily, the benefits outweighted the discouragement of taking them.
 
Here's wishing you happier, pain-free days!
 
**
 


Flopsie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 1361
   Posted 7/10/2005 1:35 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi, I am on the Prevacid daily dose also. I was concerned about taking it with all my other meds..especially my heart meds.

Doctor told me to take Prevacid 2 hours before or after my other meds........that will give it time to absorb and not interfere with your other meds.

 

Have a wonderful day,

flopsie


Don't walk in front of me....I may not follow
Don't walk behind me....I may not lead
Walk beside me..and be my friend...
                                    Albert Carnus
 
and Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
 
 

CaMama
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1884
   Posted 7/11/2005 8:18 PM (GMT -7)   

Hmmm, I don't remember if I was told that or not...of course, there are many things I do not remember these days! sad

Doc today told me to start taking Prevacid or Nexium (?) while I"m taking motrin daily to avoid ulcers....she forgot to write me Rx! Doh! Guess I better call her tomorrow.

One doc told me to take Prevacid right b4 bed to avoid morning stomach pain, the other doc said - first thing a.m. before anything else gets in you.

They (doctors) all crack me up when they aren't annoying me! tongue

**


 


effie
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/12/2005 2:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear CaMama,

I am very sorry to hear that you have been going through such a difficult time lately.
How is your daughter doing?
How is hubby? I remember reading that he was sick also and you were concerned his illness might make your pneumonia return.
I find that sometimes my husband just does not understand that my immune system is so compromised right now, and I need him to sleep in the guest room when he is sick. He takes it as rejection. I keep reminding him how grumpy I get when I am sick and I make these suggestions for his own good too!!!!
I am not a doctor. I googled both prevacid and nexium. It was suggested that prevacid be taken before meals once a day. It was suggested that Nexium should be taken one hour before meals, also once a day.
One of the things I found interesting on the prevacid site was that rare side effects included pnemonia and bone and joint pain, and skin disorders. It listed many other possible and rare side effects, but these three got me wondering. hmmmm........
Perhaps you should recheck with your doctor or pharmacist about time to be administered medication. You could also ask about these side effects.
The prevcid site as just added an online drug interaction checker. It allows you to type in all of your meds and see how they interact with each other.

I will continue to keep you in my prayers. You are a wonderful person. Thank you for all of your kind words.
May God Bless you,
Judy/effie

Post Edited (effie) : 7/12/2005 3:20:01 AM (GMT-6)


CaMama
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1884
   Posted 7/12/2005 7:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks effie! My daughter is still confusing us. She'll be good, then suddenly bad. She just isn't getting it and nothing we do seems to help or get through to her. She is exhausting us. I hope she is good this a.m. as we have friends visiting town and we're supposed to see them today. Their daughter and mine used to be good friends before they moved away and are 6 months apart.
 
My husband is all better - though he is very stressed out due to lack of sleep (daughter keeps waking him up, he works nights, sleeps a.m.s) and has a lot of things bugging him - which can make my life more stressful. You are lucky your husband sleeps elsewhere when you need, if I wanted mine elsewhere (when we had a spare bed), he said, "you go!" regardless of who was the one sick!
 
My son came down with a small flu over the 4th weekend. I started feeling pretty bad, but got over it after a few days - so, I am not counting it as sick which makes this is the longest stretch of time (3 weeks) I've gone with out getting sick! Since not getting the Remicade is one of the major differences over the last 7 months....I'm thinking that's a good indicator of what may have been contributing to my problems. My joints, however, are starting to suffer.
 
I did not know that about Prevacid. However, they are not on "the prefferred Rx list..." with my HMO so, I need to get Nexium or something else since the Prevacid is not covered under our insurance. I will continue to do the self-check on the medication interaction site.
 
So, effie, here's the big question - Did you get the TB test yet?
 
**
 
 
 


oreo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2004
Total Posts : 528
   Posted 7/14/2005 7:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your kind words. I know that this is where God has placed me. For years I was upset because I allowed my heart to rule my choice for education and didn't end up in the "dream" job but I kept praying that someday I would be able to do something that could make the difference in someones life and he lead me here. Don't worry I am not going anywhere, anytime in the near future. You guys are like extended family. I would miss you all and wonder what was happening in your lives. Please be patient with me as I battle through this summer and having kids around all the time again. It really takes away from the me time I was getting used to.
Please help me in welcoming erin as our new moderator for the arthritis forum. There will now be two of us keeping watch over the forum. This makes me feel great knowing that if I can't make it on the site at least someone else might be able to make it.
Boo, so glad to hear from you again. Was wondering how things were going with you. Sorry that the news isn't good. My prayers are with you. May you find relief without having to resort to surgery. I will also pray for your hubby that he may be given a HUGE dose of patience for you. You should print out the poem that flopsie gave us and give it to him. He may not get it but you never know.
Gotta go here gals. My Mom is picking me up at 4am so I can drive her to the airport. She is heading to Alberta for the weekend to help her Bro celebrate his 60th birthday. He is home from Iraq for a couple of weeks before he heads back to work over there. Talk about heat. We have nothing compared to over there. Here we are hitting 40C (approx 130F) with the humidex, over there they hit 40C-45C mid day every day. So hot you avoid the sun at midday and work in the morning and evening.
Hope all is well with everyone tonight. Will try to catch up more tomorrow.
Oreo
Worry not for tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself.
 
Remember healing comes one step at a time, sometimes it seems that its one forward and 2 back but ultimately, always in a forward direction!!!
 
Help HealingWell continue to help people.  Please donate today.  Every little bit helps.  To donate go to www.healingwell.com/donate
 

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