Erin!!!! Ask for help. Call your PP if need be and ask to be referred to someone you can talk to. Even call your clinic/hospital/medical group to find a support group or counceling so it doesn't cost you anything. I'm awful AWFUL about asking for help and boy I really SHOULD have many times. I've been bed ridden for months on end before barely conscious enough to watch my children grow. I wasn't able/allowed to even have my kids SIT on my lap for over 4 months! I've thought maybe the family would be better off if I just wasn't here being a burden. But, things will get better, but it is SO HARD to see that light when it can take SO LONG and you don't get the RELIEF you need. You really need to talk to someone who can help manage your pain via regular discussion and possibly meds.
You have to keep fighting those doctors and get some answers! Like Craig said, keep fighting! You are such a wonderful soul Erin, don't let this knock you down for long - get up and keep at those doctors for answers!!!!
Your depression CAN and WILL make this worse - trust me, I know from personal experience and from a family memeber who's undiaganosed depression caused her to be a bed-ridden hermit for 2 years (the physical problems she endured would blow your mind.) GET HELP - you are going through WAY TOO MUCH to handle this alone w/o more help!
Erin, I just "met" you thru this forum and I think you are awesome. I cannot imagine going thru school with all of this and you are doing it. So it takes years, you will get there. You need to take care of yourself and start by calling your doc. At one point my PCP gave me his personal office line because he knew I hated calling and getting the receptionist. He knew that I was depressed even though I fought that diagnosis and meds too. Finally I just gave up and trusted his judgment and now I feel better. I don't really like myself on antidepressants either but I don't spend hours every day contemplating what might have been.
i know that Craig will be very happy to read this post and what i have to say.
reality: i am not making physical improvements.
so my plan of action is the following:
i would rather be ill and happy than ill and miserable
so i am going into full Yoda mode, "either Do or Do not...there is no try..." StarWars can be very philosophical can't it???
i know i can not hold a part time job, so i will be DOING my specialty clinincal rounds starting in 2 weeks and volunteering @ the infusion center when i have extra time.
i'm just going to start. not going to think about what my body is like at the end of the day or how difficult it is to do things. and the only way i will not DO is if i get sent home by supervisors or something.
no more "letting my body take time to heal and take a break". i've been taking a break since May....and it ain't gettin any better.
i know this will get "me" back....which i feel will be the best healing of all.
Very nice words, Craig!
Also, Erin, don't forget - you are doing wonders here on HW. You were really there for me when I started in here and were such a positive inspiriation with your kind and energetic words. I know it is not the same helping people face to face, but watch out, like Craig said, for getting in your own way!