my sympathies to you for your very bad problems you are having right now. but, if you are feeling so much despair and feel as though you are/will harm yourself YOU MUST contact a mental health care provider or even call a hotline...the numbers are in the telephone book for your country. or go to the hospital if you feel this depressed. it is serious.
what sort of bloodwork have you had? has nothing showed up as to gear the physicians on how to handle this condition you have?
the gout medicine? does it help?
please, your safety is first...if you feel as though you are going to harm yourself please contact a doctor or go to the ER.