New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Mr.T
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 1/1/2008 4:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, Its been rough the last few days.  Up and down, but the difference is I am thinking all day of ways to hurt myself.  I know it's selfish and low. Years ago I had the same feelings and tried to tell my friend and thats what I got with a whole lot more.  I don't know why I am feeling this way. Actually I do, work is horrible, I still may lose the kids and i can't do anything about it.  I don't feel like even going outside.  I guess I am in a funk and don't want to get any lower where I will actually do something stupid.  I don't have anyone to talk to so I guess I will try to see my doctor, but I am scared to tell him my thoughts.  I don't know what he will think or what will be put in my record.  It really sucks. I hate to even put it here. Scared to see what others say, but I have to get it out.  I am hoping that will help some.  Don't really know

MDdave
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 1/1/2008 8:53 AM (GMT -7)   
I too was feeling that way before going in the Hosp but I it felt better when I got in the Hosp to talk to other folks that have the same problems as you, stay posting here and talk to us for one.

I have a successful career in high end computers/storage and I knew once I went in to the Hosp for treatment I could never get a secret clearance but that is fine with me and I voiced my problems in the group therapy sections and it made me feel better and stronger knowing I can now find hope in not being so depressed angry all the time.

When you talk to your Doc tell him everything you said here...just print this section of your post if you feel uncomfortable and that will brake the ice and then he can ask better questions as to why you feel this way.

The main thing I came out of in the Hosp was don’t hide your thoughts especially to people who are trained in helping you get better. They have seen and heard it all and they take no judgment against you no matter what you have done...just tell them how you really feel.

Post Edited (MDdave) : 1/1/2008 9:05:07 AM (GMT-7)


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/1/2008 1:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Mr. T,

It's totally okay to talk about it here. We understand. Please do tell your doctor. You won't even necessarily end up in the hospital. If anything, it's a real clue that the depression has reached a huge low and your meds are completely failing you. Time for a new plan. Definitely call your doctor. Stop worrying about your charts and records, because your health is the most important thing: what else is there? You need some compassion and some help, and that's what doctors do.

Here's a huge cyber hug (((Hug)))
You're having such a crummy month. I'm so sorry to hear about the setback with the kids. That must be especially heartbreaking. Hang in there, write if you need to. We're here and you can tell us all about it.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Bipolar II
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 1/1/2008 7:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Mr. T,

I am so sorry for your current state.  I too, have been very depressed over the last week and a half or so.  I can relate to your "bad thoughts" (from many years ago).  Just remember that they are in fact bad, and you are too good for any of that.

What helps me in these delicate times, is calling a crisis line and talking things through.  Sometimes my local crisis line can be a pit pushy...or rushing me off the phone-and if that's the case, I then call a distress line to talk things out for 10 minutes or so.  It helps ground me a bit, so that I can focus on taking care of myself.  Plus, they really understand what you're going through; like we do.

I send you a huge (((((hug))))) as well and will pray that you get well; I know you will. 


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 100 mg/day


Mr.T
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 1/1/2008 7:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone. I have an appointment for this morning and honestly wasn't planning on going, but after reading your posts I guess I should.  I am just very scared still to say anything.  I know that they are trained well and have heard it before but it's just not that easy for me to open up and I still worry about being judged. This is something that I don't know how to handle.  I have been taught, one way or another, to not speak about it. It means you are weak or crazy and I don't want to feel that way.  After reading many posts here I know that is wrong, but it's imbedded in me and I am trying, but darn it's hard. Anyway thanks everyone.  I am going to go to the doctors and see what happens. Happy New year to you.

Mr.T
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 1/1/2008 10:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok. It was harder going than I thought.  I got out to get a motorcy and my heart was pounding, go or not go?  Well, I did and first the taxi ripped me off so that was not a good start. Anyway, I finally got in to see the doctor and he did his usual "how are you today" thing and I started and was having a hard time telling him.  I got so anxious that I actually started to well up, got control and told him about my thoughts and he asked who I can talk to and you all are it.  I was raised not to discuss my feelings or burden anyone and I still do not tell anyone here.  My Thai Friends as you know would not understand as they are raised the same way. Anyway, he was happy that I has this forum(so am I). I spoke to him for awhile and told him I do not really trust myself right now. Typical Thai doctor "uhh Huh". Kept me on all of the same meds, but told me I could take more seroquel during the day if needed.  I really don't know if it really was worth going.  Anyway, it's over now.
I will just let nature take it's course.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/2/2008 7:44 AM (GMT -7)   
What a disappointing response. I'm so sorry he didn't have a more proactive approach to helping you. Clearly you need more attention and he doesn't see it somehow. Is there anyone available for a second opinion. I have no idea how the Thai medical system works. Can you see another doctor? Do they have psychiatrists or only gps?

In any case, I'm proud of you for opening up to him. You did a hard thing and speaking about it helps take some of the "magic" away from it. It's a terrifying place to be, and by sharing your thoughts you let us all know you need us. I'll be keeping an "eye" on you. Remember to take each day as it comes.

(((more hugs))))

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Bipolar II
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


Mr.T
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 1/2/2008 6:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Serafena.  We do not have gps here.  The only way to see a doctor is going to a doc in the box, which are only good for aches and pains, or the hospital.  Believe me I have been many times for other medical problems and it has been a really good experience.  This is the only place I feel is lacking in what I need.  I do have my neurologist who was really really good to me and she really cared and even gave me her mobile numbers, but that has been as few months and i am scared to call her.  She's a nuerologist and i feel like this would be bothering her.  But that's just me. Anyway, I will take it day by day and I go back to work today.  I still need to speak to the Restaurant owner about possibly working there if he has a work permit available and likes me.  I really am scared to change jobs, because I can make alot of money where I am and take time off, But, I am miserable there.  I sit in an office with no windows and no other staff up there.  Being a boss is a lonely thing. It would be a matter of working nights and meeting many new people at a lower salary, or sitting in an office or at our site hopeing for a customer and dealing with all of the angry tenants. I know which I should do, but scared to make the move.  The house is paid off so no problem there, but kids school and staff have got to be looked after as well.  Ok, I have ranted on enough.  Thanks for listening.  have a nice day and thanks for the hug.  It's been awhile.
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, December 07, 2016 7:33 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,734,041 posts in 301,172 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151305 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, walkingdeadgirl.
320 Guest(s), 11 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
notsosicklygirl, Tagier, marciac12, Luxara93, johndoss, Sherrine, jabele, KChrispcat, pitmom, walkingdeadgirl, Myself 09


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer