Feeling lousy!

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olivia of course
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 1/3/2008 8:18 PM (GMT -7)   
It feels weird being in this position, but here it goes.

For some reason my last few depressive episodes have been really short, but almost as intense as when they were longer. I guess it scares me to think that they are getting worse, even though they don't last longer than 5-6 weeks at most. I just can't seem to balance the normal mode with the depressive mode, and I am frustrated. I feel good for a while then, it downhill from there. Then it is back to normal like nothing ever went wrong.

But for the last few months, I have been feeling really depressed on and off, and can't seem to shake the feeling off. It come s on so quickly, and I get irritable and get in violent moods.

I feel like it is finally time to get on some antidepressants, but I am terrified of them. I have been on three in the past and reacted bad to them. I was on Lexapro, and it was fine in the beginning, but then it went sour. I was having sleeping problems, and I was awake for 5 days on it. I was also on Wellbutrin which made my depression worse, and it made me suicidal, Celaxa didn't do anything for me.

I have been doing research on what is out there, and that made my anxiety worse. I guess you never know what to expect from a med before you take it. But the thought of reacting badly to another antidepressant has kept me from getting help for my depression. I just wanted to put my thoughts out there, thanks for listening.

Olivia

loving frustrated wife
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Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 1/3/2008 8:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Olivia, my H takes paxil, and my S takes zoloft, and neither have ever had a bad reaction with them. Perhaps you could try some of the basic ones like that which have a LONG history of success for some. Some of the newer ones I think are more iffy sometimes - work for less people vs. more, type of thing. I am sorry to hear you are struggling and hope you feel better soon. All my best....LFW

sophieWVU
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 1/3/2008 9:42 PM (GMT -7)   
what do you take now?  I was thinking Lamitil added to whatever mood stabilez is supposed to help bring you out of the depressed side of bipolar

sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 1/4/2008 6:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Olivia,
 
It's been quite a while since we last chatted. I'm really sorry to hear how you have been feeling. IMO I think 5-6 weeks of feeling depressed is way too long!!!! Plus on top of it, at those times you feel irritable and get into violent moods. (To me that doesn't just sound like depression.) That does not sound good at all and you should not have to suffer this way.
 
Please talk with your doctor and explain what you have been going through. We don't have all the answers and when we are stuck we do need to get our doctor's opinion on things. If he/she suggests antidepressants express your concerns and talk this thing through. Both of you should be able to come to some type of agreement regarding your next move and what you should try. But you need a professional opinion to get started. You possibly may not even need antidepressants but maybe another mood stabilizer?
 
But please call the doctor. Things will only get worse if you do not attend to it. And you shouldn't have to suffer this way.
 
(((Big Hugs)))) ~ Wishing you wellness~
~sukay~
Diagnosed Bipolar - August 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 


olivia of course
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 1/4/2008 10:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks All,

Now that you said it, I think it is more than depression. I think I am having a mixed episode, but I guess it started out with depression this time. I am upset, why can't the meds work. This is tooo frustrating.

Sukay, I am on 2 mood stabilizers at the moment, I don't even know what the rules are about being on another one. I have been on pretty much every anti-psychotic out there, they either make me too sleepy to function or I have bad side effects. I don't know what to do, and I don't like my pdoc at all. I have another appointment with him on 1/23 and can't see him any sooner.

Sophie, I was on Lamictal for a 1 1/2yrs in the past, it worked well in the beginning but it was bad in the end. Thanks for your suggestion.

LFW, I'll let you know what happens with the ADs if I ever go back on one.

Olivia

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 1/5/2008 12:00 AM (GMT -7)   
One step at a time Olivia. I do know though that with being on mood stabilizers, my H & S pdoc would not allow it for THEM (I know each case is different) without being in combination with AD's, as both exhibit depression issues as part of their BP. Not to the severity level of some, but definitely strong. I am surprised you are on two, and yet NOT on an AD with it. I know you have the sensitivity issue, but start out REALLY low and inch your way up. You most likely would not need nearly a full does at all to do the trick. Plus, I would stick to the tried and true ones for now. Some of the newer ones, although very good, don't have the volume of consistent time tested success of people doing okay on them. Just my thoughts for you anyway. I am sending you NOTHING but the best wishes to get this sorted out. HUGS to you...LFW

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/5/2008 6:09 AM (GMT -7)   
I hope you do get to the bottom of all this Olivia ..I know many on a/p forum on AD and they work for them but as you know we are all different
My son will not take meds and he is bipolar..causing me to stress and worry constantly

He is 32 yrs old so not much I can do to make him ya know

be well soon plz........thoughts are with you....LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
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 Moderator for Anxiety/Panic
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 DX with Crohns ...Pyoderma Gangrenosum ..Anxiety /Panic.....
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           Wishing all a Better and Healthier New Year in 2008  
 
        We have Anxiety ..Anxiety Does NOT have US........FIGHT
 
                        Luvs and God Bless..LYN
 
 
                            


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/5/2008 3:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, yes, mixed states so icky. I'm so sorry you're feeling yuck. I'm on Topomax. Have you been on topomax yet as a stabilizer?
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Bipolar II
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


bunnypucker
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 494
   Posted 1/5/2008 6:29 PM (GMT -7)   
have you ever tried cymbalta? i was on that for a while and it helped. my heart goes out to you im where you are right now. i seem to be great for awhile, a couple of months and then i plummet. i hope once you see your doc and get some med changes you start feeling better soon.
good wishes,

bunny
Crohn's Disease Diagnosed 12/24/03 and Bipolar[color=cyan>]

Im 26 years old, and am currently only taking remicade and protonix for my CD. am on quite the cocktail for my BP however: Geodon, Lamictal, Celexa, Buspar, Wellbutrin and Klonopin.
Im also on lipitor for high cholesterol caused by a prior BP med. im on fentanyl patches for pain also, and i take some meds prn for my allergies, asthma, and migrianes.


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 1/6/2008 8:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Olivia,
 
Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinkin about you today.
 
For what it's worth I'd like to mention something that I went through...
 
I was in a deep depression for a long time and also was very irritable at times.  I was on an anti-anxiety med, a sleep med and a mood stabilizer. My pdoc decided to add wellbutrin to my cocktail. (I too was on many other AD's in the past with nothing lasting long enough for me.) I too am VERY sensitive to med adjustments.
 
Adding 75mgs of the wellbutrin didn't help me get out of my slump. In fact it made me go even lower. Then my pdoc upped my dosage to 125mgs and that threw me into mania. Then he lowered me down 100mg. I felt good but still some nasty irritability at times. Next he changed my mood stabilizer to a new one at a very low dose.
 
This took quite a while going through the adjusting of the meds but finally I think we have found a good balance for me. (I know everybody is different.) The holidays were very busy for me and I've become a little more irritable. I will give it more time....if things don't seem to settle down within the next 3-4 weeks, I know we will have to up me on my mood stabilizer a tad.
 
I hope things go well for you. I really hate it that you don't like your new pdoc. Bummer! I know your choices are limited. I wish you could have more contact with the initial guy that set you up. You connected so well with each other.
 
(((Hugs)))
~sukay~
Diagnosed Bipolar - August 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 1/6/2008 7:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello my Olivia...Just wanted to send you a (((((cyber hug))))).  Hang in there, I am praying things will get better for you soon.

Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 100 mg/day


Casem
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 1/6/2008 7:46 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Olivia

I hope you are feeling a bit better and things are going well for you!

(((HUGS))))


 
Casem
 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 1/10/2008 5:50 AM (GMT -7)   

Olivia,

How are you feeling?  I'm still feeling pretty awful.  I am so ready for this episode to be over.  I'm somehow managing at school though...

Anyway, I hope you are feeling better-Let us know how you're doing?


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 100 mg/day


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 1/10/2008 5:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your concern.

I am doing alright, half of the time I am not even sure how I feel. One thing I do know for sure is that I am having major mood swings. I feel like it is a constant up and down and some okay moments in between. I have also been having a lot of anger/rage. Unfortunately there is still some time before I can see the pdoc again.

But over all, I am hanging in there. Sorry I have been MIA for the last few days. :-)
Olivia
Co-Moderator, Bipolar

Post Edited (olivia of course) : 1/10/2008 9:50:08 PM (GMT-7)

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