MM, I saw your post and I had a few thoughts for you. It sounds like trusting yourself is an issue because you have never been able to before, which is what was so baffling to you before - how can we not trust ourselves.... So now it is the, "Is this real or memorex" type of thing. As with anything else, it is just going to take practice - it doesn't just happen by itself...it is learned over time. Olivia and Serafena are correct that you are going to need to do A LOT of conscious (one of my favorite words) checking in with yourself. Trust will come in time. It builds when you see that what you feel/say/do all match up with consistency, when your daily follow through is something most times you can count on yourself for, and you are ready to not override what you have committed to do - because of how you feel. You are DEFINITELY on the road. And here is my proof for you....YOU are owning your condition. You are taking your meds, being responsible for your behavior by looking at your patterns and telling the truth about
them - both the good and bad. You are analyzing what has not worked in the past and are in advance trying to responsibly make this decision for yourself so it can be a success by putting in a lot of pre-thought, and not playing games about
the realities of it with yourself. ALL good signs.
Now, here are my concerns...I too had a reaction to RN. I think Serafena has a good idea about
the one class to really check it out. The stress, exhaustion, etc....can be unbelievable - never mind the study to become an RN, but doing the job consistently itself. Honestly I think it is a noble goal, but perhaps not the best fit for a BP? Only you can make that decision. When looking at choices for a career...is that one you feel long term you can handle- or are you setting yourself up to not succeed? The fact that you want to be an RN tells me a lot about
you. I get that you want to help people. I get you are caring. I get you want to make a difference. Fabulous qualities you should think highly of yourself for. Now my question would be - are there other jobs near or around the profession better suited to you - when you take all things into consideration? Also, perhaps is there another profession all together that would allow you to combine, all those wonderful things about
you, with what you want to do, that might also interest you....and it would be something you would find stimulating, enjoyable and you would be able to consistently handle regardless of what was going on with your BP?...because even stable you will have ups & downs...good days and bad. I am sure you have looked at this issue. But here are a couple of examples of what I mean -- I just learned that at the famous Institute of Art near me, that a creative person can actually study and graduate with a career in model building (and those people can actually find well paid work!). I had NO idea. I would have loved that when I was young. I love working as part of a team, I love making things and creating things and seeing a vision come to life. So....ALL THOSE YEARS AGO...when I was in my study days....I would have loved to have known of that as an option. It
opened my eyes that if I didn't know about
that...how much else I didn't know about
as well that I could have chosen from? So....I pose that question to you? Next...I have a friend who wanted to dance, but she had terrible stage fright. She kept pushing herself and pushing herself with classes and auditions...but she kept chocking at the auditions. She thought her options were performing or teaching...and she didn't really want to be a classic dance teacher, but she wanted to earn money at it. Finally she looked at what about
dancing mattered to her so much, and it wasn't the performing, it was the idea of creating beauty for people through movement, and she loved the way moving her body made her feel. Then one day this woman asked her if she would be willing to work with some "special needs or disabled kids" because they wanted to create a movement program for them. She fell in LOVE with this. She went on to study movement therapy for kids and combined her love of dance with this. The faces of the kids and parents when things improved for the kids, the one on one work, etc... gave her everything she ever needed about
it. And she earns a nice living at it too. So, as you can see, there are lots of different ways to look at things. Start with what you know you can handle, that would support you being consistent and successful - always able to follow through. Then start looking at various careers that allow that, and would combine what you want to do. Sometimes working with a career counselor helps? A friend of mine after working successfully in a career as a film editor for over 20 years wants out, but has no idea what else to do...so he has begun this process with one to figure out what else his skills and interests would translate into.
Anyway, those were my thoughts. I know whatever you decide, you will have put a lot of thought into it. Good luck to your successes ahead. LFW
Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 1/9/2008 11:08:47 PM (GMT-7)