Bipolar IIIt is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare
I had to think about this for a long time!?? I thought....well I have just been going with the flow of doing my daily things, surely there must be something productive or special that I have done. I kept thinking about it...searching for something...and then I thought....hey I have been working on "this" everyday and putting a lot of thought and effort into it!...
"This...it" is working daily on my attitude, my reactions to different situations, how I handle myself, how I motivate myself, etc. My meds are working well for me still and I am not looking for a quick fix of a med adjustment to help me deal with certain issues that come up, but changing things within myself to become better at handling things and living with my bi-polar. It is something that I am working everyday at. I put a lot of effort into it. I am not saying everyday is easy, but I am more aware and making the adjustments in me that I need to. And it is work!
Please, do not get me wrong. I am not saying that med adjustments are not necessary. They are very important! I am bi-polar! I know what it is like living with this illness. I am just stating for myself, where I have finally come through with the many years of med adjustments and therapy that this is the first time in 3 long, hell filled years that I am finally on a GOOD med combination that has lasted for a good while for me. It's like the place we all invision ourselves to be one day.
I just wanted to post this to let you know that it is reachable. I hope it lasts for a good long time for me. I feel I am doing all the right things, but as we all know with this illness...sometimes that isn't enough.
So....so far lately, things have been pretty stable for me and I feel that a lot of it is because I am now mentally able to work on things for myself. Does this make sense? I know it sounds like "I have this bipolar thing all figured out!" I KNOW I don't! I know it is a life long illness, I am just finally able to manage living with it.
So I guess this is a positive. I work hard at maintaining my wellness and I got here only because I have been committed to just that. I always take my meds, I continue to stay in therapy and I see my pdoc regularly....all this for 3 long years and I'm finally in a good place today. I hope it stays like this for a long time.
Good for you serafena. Writing those 5 pages is a lot...I think you should feel very accomplished. And I hear where you are coming from sukay. My accomplishment this week is in how I am handling my husband's anger towards me.
Things are definately getting better between us, but every so often he gets in that low mood and starts getting on me about how "I caused all of this mess". Well usually it is very easy for me to become extremely defensive. And I started to. But then I remembered things my therapist has taught me and I started changing my reply. Just because he was in that low place, did not mean I had to sink there and be there with him. I just said " I am sorry you feel that way" and basically kept my distance until he worked through whatever he was working through in his head.
I felt proud of myself, because my biggest pet peeve is being accused of things I have not done. When this happened with him a few days ago...it started because of getting ANOTHER request to refinance our mortgage. I hate those things, and we get them everyday! But for some reason one of them made him ask "so what did you do take out a second on the house? Why do we get so many of these" But anything I say at these times, he doesnt really listen to. It took him talking to his sister and her telling him that she gets a few each day, for him to get it through his head :)
I guess my one wish for him would be to really check things out and know what he is talking about before he starts accusing me of something. Because if he would have, that conversation would have never had to happen. . (at least the accusing part of it)
katy, i resemble that remark! just ask my wife.
seriously, everyone seems to be doing very well. congratulations.
when you reach my age, you feel as though you are accomplishing something useful if:
* you are verticle instead of horizontal
* you have no additional ailments in a week
* your wife and you haven't killed each other (35 yrs is a LONG time)
* you can pay your bills (thank you, god, for the ability to pay my bills - my monthly prayer)
*with bp, you have dodged commitment one more time (yeah)
and so on.
I keep a journal too. When I was first diagnosed and was going through a really rough time, I was writing in it almost everyday. Now it is once or twice a week. My husband knows about it and knows where I keep it. But he too does not read it. For quite a while it was mainly my vent journal...so he knows there will be alot of venting towards him and that he probably didn't want to read every detail.
But now that I have gotten better "feeling", due to therapy and meds...I found I was using it only every couple of weeks. So now I make it a duty. I write in it every Monday and Thursday. That way it is not only a venting place, but I can write about all the good things happening too. about a month ago I looked through it and marveled on how for one I survived at my lowest point...but also was surprised about how depressing and heatbreaking all the entries are. So now with posting twice a week, I get to look back at how I was feeling...both bad and good.
If I relegate the journal to only helping me work through the bad...then that is all the journal will be filled with...the bad, venting. But now I am writing about all the days since the last entry...the good and the bad.