First let me offer my condolences on the loss of your husband. That must have been truly terrible. Then to find yourself having the trouble compounded with depression and bipolar just makes the struggle that much harder. Don't blame yourself for going off the pills. I bet most people try it at some point. Probably most people go back eventually when they realize the meds really do help. I'm sorry for the sinking feeling. Maybe having somewhere to talk about your feelings will help. Because bp isn't the end of the world, you've been through worse, and this is just one more little daily struggle. When you're feeling especially at sea, come write about it here and we'll try and set you right again. First thing we've got to do is get you up to your prescribed dose...
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare