Problems: Mostly about hypersexuality

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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 2/4/2008 2:11 PM (GMT -6)   
I have been dealing with bipolar disorder for about 11-12 years. I noticed a problem at a very early age and gave myself a guess diagnosis of bipolar at age 14. Since then, I've dealt with heavy depressions. Most of my mania comes from anxiety, irritability, anger, and the like. I suffer from some mixed episodes and have recurring problems with delusions and psychotic breaks.

I was officially diagnosed at 21 after about a year of trying to deal with it with just therapy. I am currently taking 100mg of lamictal and am going to request a high dosage soon, as I've seen a significant change, but am still having problems dealing with stress.

Substance abuse became a problem in my later years. I don't believe it got out of hand, but when something is going wrong, I look for anyway to ignore it, such as take a sleeping pill or drinking alcohol or cutting myself. Of course the last one is what set off a few sirens for the people in my life and I now realize its affects and how bad it made me feel on retrospect, and I have not done it for quite some time as the will to is weak. I remember how it made me feel: aside of the rush of endorphins, I felt guilty, pitiful, strange...all these bad things rolled into one, and yet I still feel like it wasn't such a bad thing. I talk about to some people like it's normal.

The problem is, I feel the same way about my promiscuity. I have been sexually active in some way with more men than I ever thought I would in a span of 6 months. The feelings I got were...indescribable and strange. I got a high out of degrading myself. I felt disgusting and out of character when I very suddenly started this behavior...and it seemed to come out of nowhere. My friends and family became concerned. The thing is, there was guilt there, I know it. But I would talk about it after the fact like I was prideful. That I was doing justice to women by showing everyone that women can have a lot of sex without trying to get attention. That it was just because she wanted to.

There were just so many instances where I would do it with almost anyone...even people I didn't really like, and it was a strange the fact that there wasn't one. But I would continue to talk about how I knew what I wanted and knew what I was doing...and that the person that did that BECAME me, and I still act that way despite all the regrets and guilt and disgust I feel for having done all those things when I feel that it's not what I truly wanted.

The thing I'm asking is for someone to explain to me how I can hate these activities so much and feel so disgusted by myself with them, and yet talk about them like they're no big deal, that I'm in control. Does anyone have any answers for me?

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/4/2008 2:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lonenomad,

Welcome to Healingwell. I hope we can offer you some support and perhaps a little window of clarity. I suspect you have the answer you're looking for but aren't ready to embrace it: mania drives people to self-destructive behavior, which is exactly what you're describing. You even are aware it's self destructive, yet you continue as though it's out of control, as though it's no big deal. That's mania, my friend, and you need to see your doc, pronto, because these things you are describing are a big deal. You acknowledge the sexual activity isn't fun, it's destructive, you need to stop. You're only harming yourself further by perpetuating it. When you see your doc next, make sure he or she knows these behaviors are going on so they can properly treat your moods.

Putting on my moderator hat, before this thread grows, let me remind everyone that discussions of self harm and sexuality walk a very fine line here on HealingWell. We are a family oriented, SUPPORT community. We have members in their early teens, and members easily triggered, so no discussion of sexual activities and no specific discussion of self harm. You did fine here, Lonenomad, I just wanted to remind the members in general.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Bipolar II
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 2/4/2008 2:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for all the helpful advice. I had a feeling that's what was going on, but I'm just so confused by it, particularly because my friends, family, and boyfriend are confused by it. They worry because they say it's not me and my boyfriend is especially upset because he's not sure which one is the real me. I want to give him the truth in a way he'll understand, but I'm trying to deal with it myself. He tells me that if I feel so bad about my sexual activities then naturally I should converse about them in that way and not talk about them as if I'm being prideful. I'm confused because I see it posted all over my journal during that certain part of my life (which continues up until I am in a relationship) and I talk about all these bad feelings and I constantly ask myself "what am I doing??" but amongst my friends and family, I act like it's a big joke...that it's all okay. It's becoming increasingly difficult to grasp how I truly feel about it all.

Sorry, I should have been mindful that this was a family forum, but rest assured, I talk about my experiences and problems in very general terms.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 2/4/2008 4:19 PM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry you are having a rough go of it right now.  The actions you describe are a definate example of being in a manic state.  I think you need to see your doc as soon as possible because a med twinge is in order.  You recognize that your actions are wrong and only hurt your further...but you continue.  It is out of control and you need help in controlling the urges and in making sense of it all.
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending" ~ Maria Robinson

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 2/4/2008 4:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, this really isn't an urgent issue. When I'm in a relationship, I am very loyal, but when I'm out of one, everyone's for the taking. What I'm trying to do is come to terms with myself. I know it is still a problem because if I were to break up with my current boyfriend, I'm not sure whether I would go back to it or not, despite knowing what I know now.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 2/4/2008 9:50 PM (GMT -6)   
I have a problem with this too.  I don't do anything that would degrade or disgust myself, but I have trouble with the hypersexuality and self control.  It's difficult b/c I'm trying to work things out with an ex-boyfriend but I don't want to suppress feelings all the time so I think I'd be better single.  But I want a successful relationship.  It comes and goes with my mania and then I'm "normal"

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 2/5/2008 1:22 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi lonenomad,

Well you said you were going to ask for a higher dosage of your lamictal so I am assuming you will be seeing your psychiatrist very soon? If not you should make that appointment as soon as possible. Be sure to let your doctor know everything that you stated to us here. Maybe you can print it and read it to him/her.

You said, "The thing I'm asking is for someone to explain to me how I can hate these activities so much and feel so disgusted by myself with them, and yet talk about them like they're no big deal, that I'm in control. Does anyone have any answers for me?"

You mentioned that you were in therapy for a long time. Are you still in therapy? I think you need to bring this up with your therapist to find out your answer to this question. If not currently in therapy I would suggest that it is time to go back to it. Most people who have bipolar see one on a regular basis.

Good luck. I hope you follow up with your doctors.

Diagnosed Bipolar - August 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
Leo Buscaglia

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