How I wish you could talk to my own mother about what you and your family are going through.
That sounds EXACTLY like my adolescent years. I've lived with this disease since I was 15...and now I'm 25. Until just this week I too refused all attempts of my family and friends to help me. And because of that I now have very few friends...people that were once my friends will no longer have anything to do with me because of how cruel and abusive I was to them...without even realizing that I was being that way. In other words...living with this WITHOUT treatment is utter hell for me and everyone else around me as well.
I did pot heavily for four years, was a severe alcoholic by the time I was 17, and have walked out of 4-5 jobs in my life because of this monster. I fought constantly with my parents and I mean FOUGHT not just argued, was almost expelled from high school because I was so violent, ended up becoming a single parent as soon as I graduated high school, (which was my saving grace...if it wasn't for me finding out I was going to be a parent...I would truly be dead now), and have walked out on at least 4-5 pretty good jobs in my life, so that now it is very difficult for me to find a job even though I have a college degree in Business Management. I have been in and out of abusive relationships and almost killed because of the bad judgement that is a symptom of this disease and also because I didn't like myself at all so I didn't feel like I deserved any better than what I got. Like me and my feelings and life were somehow less important than every other humans'.
Maybe I could give you a little insight into what may be going on with your son...and what I have learned about my own behavior and the reasons behind it. I'm certainly not a licensed doctor of any kind...but I've lived with this monster for 10 years..and all the time REFUSED any sort of treatment or help.
Your son has no idea why he feels the way he does, all he knows is that it hurts beyond relief, even physically at times...he can't figure out any other way to stop the pain so he drinks and does drugs. The alcohol and drugs KILL THE PAIN he's going through and make him feel normal.
He is violent because he's so angry that there is something wrong with him and that he didn't ask for or want. But, he doesn't know how to tell you or anyone else how he feels because he's so confused and in so much pain all the time and literally CANNOT THINK because his mind races constantly...so everything he says, does, or feels comes out wrong when he does try to articulate it. That's also why he talks 100 miles an hour (if he does)...because he just HAS to tell someone..even if he doesn't understand that. Which in turn, just causes people to NOT listen anymore. So he turns to violence...he probably doesn't even know why he gets so angry, but that is what I have found in myself. Ya know that whole well nobody ever listens when I talk, so I'll MAKE them listen some way. And the violence is the way. The anger is so bad at times that everything else really just disappears. All the compassion that he should feel for the people he hurts, all the pain he should feel himself for hurting someone else, just all disappears. He is someone else completely when he's angry...and nobody can reach him at those times.
The medications he has to take just further his discomfort because they just reinforce the fact that he has a disease/disorder...but he does not want to know that right now, so if he doesn't take them in his mind; it's as if nothing is wrong.
He may just think he's a normal kid and nothing is wrong. And he wants nothing more than to just be a NORMAL KID like everyone else..but he doesn't know how to do that because nobody understands or will ever understand.
Though it may not seem to you and your family as if he tries to be do the right things and be a good kid...he really does and when he messes up even more he just hates himself for it.
There is so much that this disease can do to a person that there is no way to write it all down here. It is a VICIOUS cycle that just constantly starts itself over and over again...respect that this is a disease/disorder and that it IS
insidious like a cancer or any other disease. It sneaks up on a person and swallows them whole, kicking and screaming the whole way. It is the nature of the beast.
The times that you feel normal and ok...you're not. Those times are the "calm before the storm" as my mother always calls it. And the more calm things seem...the worse the storm is going to be and god help your son and your family when the storm hits.
I KNOW how this disease works and I know how it can ruin even the sanest, kindest, most generous, most loving persons life because it turns them into absolute monsters and people get worn out with it and give up eventually...it's not easy to live with a manic depressive.
Just remember he can't help this, he doesn't understand it, and as I am sure you know how difficult it is to live with your son...try to put yourself in his shoes and think about how difficult it is for him to live with this disorder; that itself is not an easy feat...he doesn't mean to be cruel and abusive and probably doesn't even realize that he is being that way. He will tell you he hates you and lash out at you, but he really doesn't feel that way. That's not him...it's the disease and the monster the disease turns him into. Your little boy is still in there somewhere...he just can't find himself right now because he's unable to get past all these other feelings and the PAIN.
And though it will never completely just go away...THERE IS HOPE! There are many different forms of treatment available for this monster of a disease and though it is not something I'm sure you want to do...if all else fails take him to the hospital yourself and admit him. Tell them what's wrong, EVERYTHING that you've all been through, all the medications and treatments your son has tried, and see what else is available. SOMEONE will be able to help him. You may think he hates you for it at the time, but that is the disease talking...not him; and in the future he will be grateful.
It took me almost completely losing the one person that means the most to me last weekend to realize just how sick I truly was and how exhausted I was with feeling this way all the time. Luckily I have an extremely caring, loving, giving, and supportive friend...and I want to keep him. So, I'm going to get well for myself as much as him and all those that care for me!
If nothing else, I'm sure there is at least a branch of the Department of Mental Health where you live. If there have been budget cuts there like there have here, whoever is there now can direct you to the right place to get help.
Just DON'T give up on him...and DON'T let this disease beat him like it does so many other people that don't understand it.
If your son or anyone in your family ever needs to talk...just about anything...feel free to email me. I'll do what I can. We all just want to feel better.