Unbelievable Hypomanic Day

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mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 2/25/2008 5:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Guys,
 
I hate to even say this out loud--but I've been rapid-cycling for sure.  It's typical for me, the only difference (since the Lamictal) is the depressions seem to be shorter than normal and some of them have even been less severe.  For the first time in I don't know how long, I've had a few normal days on my monthly mood chart...and yes a few more hypomanic days/mood shifts as well.  Today however, I was very, very high in my mood.  It was pretty awful.  I was bouncing off the walls here at home today, doing a million things at once.  Talking and thinking so fast it created anxiety--at which point I said to myself "You need to take a clonazepam, drink some water and sit down..."  But I just kept going (cleaning the house, moving things around) and going.  All the while that thought about the clonazepam etc, kept going through my head constantly.  I must have told myself, "I have to go do that now" about 30 times today, at least.  I finally did, but I still seem to be very high (in my mood). 
 
Ugh!  I am exhausted, and the last two nights, have had trouble sleeping.  Only taking 50mg/night of Trazodone--Ugh--I have not missed feeling this way, yet it's still such a relief from the depression.
 
Here is my solution... I do have a pdoc appointment tomorrow (what timing!)--But I don't want to change my meds, b/c as you all know Lamictal is the only med I can tolerate (side effects).  I'm not experiencing any side effects, and that is necessary for me.  While I will acknowledge I am cycling a bit more, I think I'm going to try harder to manage my symptoms, just with the cognitive tools I've learned.  Ex-when hypomanic stop myself (I know I wasn't good at that today) have a bath, sit down drink water, write in my journal all of my thoughts, watch a movie, listen to music, sit in a quiet room with a book or magazine...etc.  I will talk with my pdoc tomorrow and maybe he can come up with something.  Decreasing the dose--I'm not sure about that, b/c the lower dose wasn't helping the depression...
 
Anyway, thanks for reading.  The thing I hate most about being Bipolar, is that I am a rapid cycler for the most part and it's so exhausting and frustrating.
 
Hugs to all of you.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 100 mg/day


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 2/25/2008 7:18 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Mogs,

My heart is racing just reading about how your day went today. tongue

I understand how you are feeling. It's good to hear that you are thinking about putting in motion all the things you know you could be doing to help you get out of situations like that. I encourage you to just take a deep breath and start putting those plans into action.

Good for your that you plan on telling your pdoc tomorrow exactly how you have been feeling and how you really want to be proactive in this by really applying all that you have learned. It's a very good sign. Like you said, he may be able to help matters a  little more too for you, who knows?

It's good that you're straight up with your pdoc. I remember telling my pdoc the same thing, "I really think I can get through this with more effort on my part." Afterall, that is what it is all about. You come to a time where you are able to be more in control of your actions/reactions to things. Dealing with bipolar isn't all about just the meds. It takes a lot of effort on our part to put ourselves back together.

Good luck to you. Let us know how it goes for you tomorrow.


~sukay~
Diagnosed Bipolar - August 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
 
Leo Buscaglia


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 2/25/2008 8:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Mogs, manual controls is GREAT for you to look at. Only change up the meds when manually you can't get control on it. Do you remember that post a LONG time ago from Dutchie, or Sukay, (I can't remember which one....) where she talked about the music she was listening to, and how she noticed it was contributing to supporting the mania and in some ways helping it along...she caught it and stopped that music and put on something soothing. Decided to go for a quiet walk in the woods and suddenly realized what a gift that gave her experiencing nature in a quiet calm relaxed state. Your suggestions are great....KEEP ADDING TO THAT. Maybe take that walk yourself...etc. The GREAT thing is how you were so observant of what you were going through. The one step you didn't stop to do was implement the supportive things you suggested for yourself...but you SAW what you really needed...so you are actually half way there. NOW....discipline yourself and do them next time. The more you learn to do this...the better you'll have control of yourself. This all sounds SO great to me....you are definitely on the right path to getting yourself to a good balance of meds and self control/self care/self discipline/self awareness....keep up the AMAZING work!!!!!!!!!!! Remember, it will take time to be fully successful with yourself, and clearly the meds are in the right direction as they have helped to allow yourself clear observational consciousness through the RR. NOW you are at CHOICE to what comes next, and don't expect it to feel comfortable at first as you manually implement the actions to support what you really need. But the more you do it, the easier it will get. I think this is ALL a great sign. I am so happy for you. LFW

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/26/2008 2:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Mogli,

I'm sorry about the hypomania, dear. Your house probably looks nice and neat :-) but that's small consolation for feeling like you're living on roller skates. Everyone else's supportive advice sounds perfect, so I'll just say "yeah," and offer hugs and support.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Bipolar II
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 2/26/2008 2:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone :-)
 
My appointment with my pdoc went pretty well.  I did tell him I'm going to keep an eye on the cycling and the highs.  He asked me how disabling the hmania was yesterday or the cycling is...So I told him as long as I put in the effort and get to a more stable state when I recognize things are out of control I think we'll leave the meds where they are, for now.  He agreed.
 
So, today I'm still feeling a bit of euphoria--I'll have to put that in check as I get paid tomorrow!  But I am trying to keep things calm and slow.  I'm hoping to watch a movie with my bf tonight. 
 
And....drum roll........I started my last mod at school today--just 5 more weeks and I am finished, the school part.  Then on April 7th I go on externship; not sure where I'm placed yet.  I will let you all know.
 
Sukay, LFW, Serafena--it was so good to hear from you.  I hope you are all well, let me know how you're all doing as well.
 
Well, off to study a bit before bf gets home from work. 
 
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 100 mg/day


Skeeter_Bug
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 3/3/2008 2:27 PM (GMT -7)   
One thing i can say for sure i miss my manias because my house was never so cleaner. I was clean and organized. now my house is a disaster
Baruch atah Aadonai
 
Hashem loves you whether you like it or not
 
 
Pray for the peace of Y'rushalayim
 
 
 
Fibromyalgia, Diabetes, Asthma, degenerative disc disease, facet disease, osteoarthritis, hypertension
BIPOLAR
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 3/8/2008 10:31 AM (GMT -7)   

Skeeter_Bug

I agree.  I get so much done when I'm hypomanic.  Not to mention the lift in the depression.  While the highs have their disadvantages, sometimes I welcome them.

 


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 100 mg/day

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