I owe you a much overdue personal Thank You and Apology!!!!!!
As my connection with ‘The Ward’ is drawing to an end what with ‘xxxx’ deciding that she has to continue her journey of recovery fighting Bipolar on her own, without my involvement in her life. I find myself looking back over the past six months. I suppose from a partner’s point of view Agony, shock, love and stamina are the normal factors with the helpless desire to ease the mental suffering. It has been one horrible steep learning curve and embarrassingly it has taken me till now to say to you what I have needed to for so long….
My personal experience has taught me that Psychiatric Doctors, Nurses and Health Care Support Workers are a breed apart. I know that dealing with ‘xxxx’ is daunting and challenging enough – multiply that with an Acute Ward and suddenly I get the picture. You had me, one of the stressed, over anxious, worried, angry and perhaps at times intimidating carers to deal with. Not exactly the most enviable of workloads when I stop to think about it. I’ve learnt that by and large the majority of yourselves who go into the mental health profession tend to be good and decent people. So long overdue I see – You are not the enemy, I am sorry it took this long! ‘xxxx’ and I may at times have not seen this and thought that you (the professional) were trying to be obstructive and put hurdles in our way, making life harder but far from it. You have always been there on my side and that of ‘xxxx’, I could not always see this as like I assume many in time of crisis . You have always been there and helped the injured and troubled mind. So it’s true you don’t want people to be ill, or delay their recovery. Your priority has always been your patient and carers like myself sometimes need to be reminded of that. So you are like me – you are only human and have a conscience too – I imagine being moved and deeply affected by what happens in your working life. Trust me from my dealings with yourself I now know that it takes someone very special to do your job for starters. It appears in some cases you are working in appalling conditions – understaffed, overworked with long hours and often in far from ideal conditions. I may have fought against such things on ‘xxxx’ behalf but maybe I should have stopped bearing in mind that it was also your workplace.
So hopefully before it is too late I realise you have been my allies and I have the greatest respect and regard for your role. You have taught me much and I do not think you will ever realise to what extent I owe you. I know that xxxx one day will be in a position thanks to your work to tell you of her own success story, thanking you in her own way. Between now and then this is my personal way of expressing my thanks and for apologising for my faults, as I would imagine are that of a typical carer.
I find myself now alone being faced with a changed life due to the affects of ‘xxxx’s’ illness, so what path am I going to try and find for the future? I am motivating myself by looking into attending the University of ZZZZ in the future enrolling on a Mental Health Diploma. I am hoping to make right my failures to ‘xxxx’. Using my interest and further want for knowledge positively by helping others, as you do. I believe that meeting her Bipolar face to face has made me a better person, hopefully along the way you have seen a carer who failed but tried his best and never gave up on his best friend – his partner.
It has been a pleasure meeting you and having your support and guidance, unfortunately for myself it was not a fairytale ending this time. ‘xxxx’ on the other hand will make it (of that I am sure) thanks to you, your comfort, knowledge, guidance and compassion in your work. There is a handful of other staff that I have also sent this letter to, between you all the support you have given me will never be forgotten. I would appreciate it if you did not mention or allow this letter and the card it was enclosed in to be known to ‘xxxx’. I end this letter of apology and thanks with the words I said to ‘xxxx’ everyday she was a part of my life; I hope you can find meaning within them.
‘Life is NOT about the amount of breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away’.
Forever in your debt
Thankyou both for your comments... it means a lot to hear it from someone not related to the situation! I wrote my partner a letter explaining my failures and my side of be a carer about two weeks ago. I had to let her know that a friendship can sometimes be stronger than a relationship and that she will always have one waiting if she chooses. I needed most of all to express that I know she can continue her fight on her own and reach the future she is seeking and wanting. At this time she still has not opened and read the letter... Perhaps it is not important if she does or not for I know she knows what words await her within. It's the thought and knowledge that she will never have to walk alone unless she she chooses to that I think means she never needs to read it... thank you for all your help along the way Serafena and Darren. Take Care