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married2
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 3/19/2008 10:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi all!
I am new here. I am hoping this helps in so many ways. I have been married for 18 years to a wonderful man with bipolar. We were told this about 12 years ago. We were in marriage counseling and he was asked if he had ever been diagnosed. I already had figured it out and he got very paranoid. Now here we are so many years later and it is getting worse. He tried medication for 1 month. After that he refused. It has been a major roller coaster ride. I now realize that I have mental illness too. I wont give up on him. It scares me the way I protect him and it scares me the way he sees me as losing my mind. He is right, I am losing it and have been for so long.

The problem now is that I have a 15 year old son who is telling me he has something wrong with him. I have questioned this for years and now my son is telling me. He has so many subtle symtoms. When I married my husband we were 19 and the symptoms were subtle to. I made an appointment for my son and now my husband and I are arguing about this. He says it is adolecense. I know the difference.

Any suggestions? Anyone? I am so scared to face the truth. But now it is my child we are talking about! Momma bear is protecting.

I am ready for any responses, please be truthful.


I added a title to your post-- Serafena

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 3/19/2008 1:09:22 PM (GMT-6)


Joxster1970
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 3/19/2008 10:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello, married2

Please, listen to him..
I was not diagonsed until I was 35..
I to tried to tell my parents something was wrong, and didn't know what was wrong..
Happy one momnent (mania) Sad the next (depression)...
Pissy the next (moody) Taking my frustration out on my brothers and my parents, I sayed very hatefull and cruel things and was violent, towards all my family.. I just wanted everyone else to feel how bad i felt inside..
My parents just told me I wanted to feel the way i felt..
I resorted to self mediaction..
At the age of 13 I used Alcohol and Drugs to cope..
It took me 15 yrs to stop..
And recieve the help I needed..
A hopefully my rough road, can be used, to help someone else...
There's a ton of resources out there.. Compared to when we were children..

sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 3/19/2008 11:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Married2,

Welcome aboard! I hope you like it around here. I have for so many years!

I am glad that you posted your concerns. I would like respond by first reminding you that your son has a strong history of mental illness and that you should take this matter very seriously and get him evaluated by a psychiatrist. Talk with yours. Your son is telling you that he knows something is not right and you as a parent should absolutely get this looked into for him. You don't want him to suffer.

If your husband is in denial with his diagnosis or medication issues he serves no example for you or your son, only negatively by his actions and I am sure that should encourage you for your son and yourself to stick with a treatment plan. I can understand how difficult this must be for you.

If you are having problems with dealing with things and feel that you are losing it, you need to relay this to your doctor. A medication adjustment may be needed. Do you see a therapist for yourself? Most people who have B/P incorporate this as part of their wellness plan.

Stay strong for yourself and your son.

Wishing you wellness, and please keep us posted.


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/19/2008 12:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Married2,

First let me welcome you to HealingWell. I hope the board can offer you some good advice.

I agree with Joxster. If your son is coming to you for help, then honor that request. Teens only have so many outlets for getting adults to listen to them, and parents ought to be their first advocates. There is nothing threatening about taking him to the doctor. If the doctor tells you it's just normal adolescent moodiness, then great, your husband is right and you're out the cost of an office visit. Your son's mind is put at ease, maybe. If the doctor tells you he's bipolar or depressed, then he'll put him on some medication and your son may start to feel better. Just because your husband doesn't like it doesn't mean your son won't. Most bipolar patients take medication and are better off for it. That's not to say it's an easy road. I don't mean to be simplistic. The meds don't all work the first time, there's a trial and error period, but once you find one that works they can make a huge difference.

You said you think you have a mental illness now too. Do you plan to look into your own health as well?

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 3/19/2008 1:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi M2, I only have a short moment to reply other wise I would share much more. To start, I am a wife of 16 years to a BP, and a mother to a BP dx'ed at 8 1/2. My son is now 14 1/2. In a nutshell.....get thee to a pdoc for your son ASAP. The sooner he gets dx'ed and gets the help he needs, the sooner the message gets to him that support is available, and his experience of "something isn't right inside" is being heard, respected and taken seriously because he is loved so much, and that there IS help and support available to him. As to your spouse who doesn't want to own his condition and gain the help he needs....he is just being a crab. What I mean by that is....if you put a crab by itself in a open box...it will crawl out so you need a lid. If you put 2 crabs in an open box...you do NOT need a lid, because neither will ever let the other out. One will always pull the other back down. Your husband doesn't want to face his own issues and therefore he doesn't want anyone else to face theirs. If your son is dx'ed with BP, and begins medication....gains balance and gets better....your H will have NO excuses anymore and will be forced to face what he has been running from....therefore he is scared and trying to manipulate and control the situation so he feels safe again hiding away from his truth. So, your job as mama bear is to ignore your H at this moment, and do what is best for your child. Thank goodness he has a strong mama bear. Best of luck to you all. LFW

married2
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 3/19/2008 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Everyone! Thank you so much for responding. I have made an appointment for April 2 for my son. I am scared because I know the fight my hubby and I are having over this. My biggest fear is that my son will be put on meds and it will be up and down. It scares me all of it. I know that I need to get him help. If it is not bipolar, thank God! If it is, we will deal with this. I wish that my husband would deal with his. I wish that I could make it alright for my entire family. If my son is asking for help, even if it is adolecense, I want him to have that help. I am praying that he is just going through life, BUT, I know better. I know what is going on. I have seen this before. It hurts to know that I should have helped him years ago and didnt because my husband got pissed. I am so different then years ago. I realize that my husband has an illness but at the same time I also realize that he wont listen or try to get help. I will not let my son go along wondering what is happening to him. I am afraid he will kil himself. This whole thing scares me so much. I am trying to take the rational approach. My therapist tells me that I should leave my husband, that my husband will hurt me. I am tired of trying to deal with this. The only thing I can deal with is trying to get help for my son. My other kids seem ok. I hope that is really the case. Thanks all of you for your support and suggestions.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/20/2008 6:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Married2,

Let me commend you on your bravery. Well done. Feel free to come to us for support if you need it. We're your ready made cheering section.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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