Daisha's question

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serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/20/2008 5:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Seranefa:
I really can't say it's just one thing. It's like when I wake up in the morning for about 2 min I'm ok then the rest of me wakes up and that dread that I get when I'm unsure where to start comes over me, I just feel so cheated and not intune with this world. Not only on top of the bp I am also trying to learn how to be a young widow to boot. I feel like I am going out of my mind. I confess that something happens to me- you know when you start to feel better and feel like you don't really need to take the meds-this is where I have a major problem-I start crashing big time. It's a struggle to make it through the day. I do not want to be a inpatient in the hospital, I want to recover at home where I feel safe. Does that make sense. Thanks for listening

Daisha


Submitted on Daisha's behalf:
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/20/2008 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   
So, yes this makes perfect sense, but I've not had to experience it like you, so no, I can't relate in exactly the same way. It sounds to me like your first description about waking up and feeling cheated has more to do with grieving than bp, although I'm sure the bp doesn't help. It sounds like you have better days than others? Like some days you feel like you don't really need to take the meds. (You are still taking the meds right?) And then you crash. That sounds like pretty normal depression progression. You don't need to go to the hospital for that, any doctor would want you to stay home and recover.

Do you see a counselor or therapist? It might be a good idea to have one. I love mine. She helps me sort through all the nonsense in my head and helps me understand whats happening some times. You could use the extra support right now if you don't already have one.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 3/23/2008 7:52 AM (GMT -7)   

Daisha,

I can relate to how you're feeling about living with this illness.  Just last week I was crying, saying aloud, "I don't want to be bipolar anymore".  I feel that it's all so hopeless sometimes.  And I also feel that it's not fair, and that I don't want to suffer with this my whole life.

I send you a big (((((((hug))))))) for all the pain you are feeling.  I really encourage you to seek some support.  I understand that you don't want to go to the hospital; I don't like it there either.  You should give yourself so much credit for wanting to recover; and I believe you can do that at home as long as you have the support you need.  It is important to take your meds so that you don't crash so hard like you said.  Crashing puts us in such a bad place.

I hope that you keep in touch with us here.  Sometimes writing can really help with the depression.  I hope that you are taking care of yourself.  Do the little things; eat, rest and if you can, pamper yourself.  You deserve it.

Mogs


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 200 mg/day

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