Welcome back dutchie. I am glad you are finding fulfillment in school...and are able to gain some much needed self esteem from doing well with it. The best advise I received from my therapist, was to combat those feelings of inadequacy in myself. You have to start realizing that the key to your happiness lies within yourself. Your happiness should not and does not rely on the happiness of other people. In a relationship, if one person is down, it is up to the other person to remain up and to help bring the other person back up. You can not force ff to be happy at times...but by seeing how well you are doing and how great you feel...you just might make him feel better.
You must simply live your days concentrating on being well yourself. And do not let the moods of those around you make you forget about your own well being. I know it is hard to do, but the sooner you start taking full responsibility for your own happiness and emotions...the better off.
You see with my husband...he has held on to this anger over the spending I did, for months. In my therapy I have come far, and I now am getting pretty good at staying healthy in the mind, even when confronted by his sometimes sour mood or emotional jabs at me. I realize that he is a certain way and he deals with stress a certain way, but my continually moving ahead in a healthy way has started to rub off on him. And my not getting so defensive at his hostility (basically I more or less ignore the jabs), shows him that I will not let his emotional hostility bring me down. And I have told him that. So that way, when I cut a conversation short, and tell him he can not talk to me that way...he understands. Because I know that the sooner he gets through this anger...the better for our marriage, because in order for me to live with bp the rest of my life, I really do need him on my side. Also I have started concentrating on the more positive aspects of life and spend more time involved with my children's activities...for they all love to see either dad or I up in the stands supporting them, and it makes me feel good.
And please do not fret too much about your teen. I too have a 15 year old daughter, and I remember being this age. As a teen friends become much more important. I remember missing out on a few family functions because I would rather go to a party with friends or out with a boyfriend. I have chose to enter this stage of motherhood with a clear head. I jokingly gave my daughter a big hug on her first day of high school and said "ok, I will talk meaningful to you again in about 5 or 6 years...see you then".
I think it is natures way of preparing youth for life on their own. They start to see if they can survive without mom or dad's input all the time. We make sure my daughter knows we are here if she needs us at all times, and I have a relationship with her, that she feels comfortable coming to me with questions or just to tell me about the newest drama. I have learned to not be judgemental and to give advise only if asked for or if needed. It has become a mutual respect relationship...as long as she respects our rules, spends time with her sisters and keeps us informed in her life, we respect her growing need for a little independence and need to start trying to figure out her own problems.
So, it is kind of a pre-empty nest feeling you are going through...just dont feel sorry for yourself, instead embrace it that your teen is starting her journey into adulthood and your job is to make sure she has all the necessities.
Hang in there!
((((((((((((Warm hugs))))))))))))))) So glad to see your post today. I've definitely been thinking of you; wondering how school is going, and thinking good thoughts for you and FBF.
I am glad you are feeling so good about school, and it sounds like you're really enjoying it. I can relate
I have to say in reading through your post, my heart goes out to you. More than anything I want to echo what mommy.michele said-- that your happiness is within you. You are doing very well, and have every reason you need to feel that strong confident woman. Be that woman for yourself. I will be your cheerleader; I totally believe in you. I know it's hard sometimes to have that same belief/strength in ourselves, but remind yourself how far you have come. That is reason all on its own to feel proud and accomplished. The journey you have been on and steps you have taken over the last several months spells confident woman!
Your daughter loves you to pieces, and I know she'll grow up to be a confident woman as well.
Glad to hear from you. Keep in touch--Believe me I know it's hard to post with school etc... Just remember we're all thinking of you.
Take care Dutchie & give a hug to FBF for me!