Not yet diagnosed, suffering nonetheless

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uncertain
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/5/2008 9:16 PM (GMT -7)   
hi all -- my partner is right now going through the motions of seeing doctors and trying out meds. He hasnt been diagnosed yet because its still in the early stages. However, living with him, i can see that all signs are pointing to bipolar. The ups and downs are wearing me thin. We're not yet married, and all of our plans to move forward have suddenly stopped. We're really struggling. i dont want to leave, but i dont know how to stay and support him. Im also beginning to feel hopeless, and scared to commit myself to this because i dont know whether he will be able to get this under control? Can it get worse??
 

yana
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 220
   Posted 4/6/2008 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Its tough road ahead uncertain,and you need to be more stronger then him or you might lose out in your own health and in supporting him as well.With proper medications and therapy ,he might get better but not normal so see your options and decide what's best for you and him.

hugs
yana
Never work just for money or for power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night.
~Marian Wright Edelman~


I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.
~Blaise Pascal~


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 4/7/2008 7:11 AM (GMT -7)   

 

Hello uncertain,

Welcome to healingwell and the bipolar forum.

I'm sure this situation is very confusing for you right now. I think you should definitely put your plans on hold until you both have a full understanding of what is going on.

I would suggest to just being supportive, and make sure you both understand all that is going on. I would suggest that you go to his doctor appointments with him so that you and he both understand all that is taking place, what they think is going on and what they decide is going to be their treatment plan.

Be prepared to ask as many questions as possible, until you feel you truly understand things.

If he is diagnosed with bipolar, things can get worse, especially if he is incompliant with taking his medications properly. Being diagnosed with bipolar (if that is what is truly happening) can be a long road to wellness. It takes time to find the right medication balance, but in order to find that means you go through the process of living with symptoms that may not be pleasant for either one of you.

Take one step at a time right now. Listen carefully to what the doctor is saying. Is he seeing a psychiatrist? That is the type of doctor who should be making a diagnosis of bipolar.

But definitely keep things on hold, until you both know what you are dealing with. You shouldn't be making huge decisions right now when so much stress is involved. He needs to take care of his health issue at the moment.

Good Luck. Continue to post. We're here to help in any way we can.

Sincerely, Sukay


~sukay~
Diagnosed Bipolar - August 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
 
Leo Buscaglia


uncertain
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/7/2008 7:36 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks for your posts. he is seeing a psychiatrist, and i went to the first appointment. he's trying very hard, i know. i am proud of him for that. but some days it feels almost impossible. i know it will take time, and i believe he will be compliant with meds -- as he has been so far.
But even with time and compliance, is this something he will ever be able to manage?
I guess im at the point right now where i dont know what our future holds, and all of our plans are suddenly up in smoke. i loathe to think what this could do to children.... it's scaring me.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 4/7/2008 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Uncertain,

Let me also welcome you to our board.

It is very possible to manage bipolar but it is not curable. There will always be mood swings, but when the disorder is managed, the swings are lessened in severity and the bipolar person knows what is going on and how to handle them. It takes time to educate oneself about a disorder as complicated as bipolar. I really suggest getting yourself a couple of books about the topic and reading them to help you understand what is happening and how the process of diagnosis, treatment and management works.

Let me be honest with you. Whether or not you decide to stay is completely up to you. It's not an easy road to be married to someone with bipolar. (I say that even as someone who has the disorder. :-)) You will be living with a very moody individual, a potentially very needy individual. You need to weigh the benefits of your love against that and decide for yourself. That said, many of us here on this board are happily married and have productive marriages and children.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


uncertain
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/7/2008 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   
i could really use some inspiration from those of you who are happily married... He has begun to notice that my hope is fading. And that is just not fair for him because if i give up hope on us, it ultimately means i've given up hope on him.

truth is, he's always been moody, but it never really seemed to bother me. but lately, it's impossible.

I care for him very much, and dont want to leave. it hurts me so much to watch this happen.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 4/7/2008 8:20 AM (GMT -7)   
I've got a great husband and we do well. He gets frustrated with me at times, but most of the time he's very patient and understanding. I have mood swings and he tries to ride them out. He doesn't get upset because he knows it has nothing to do with him and really, nothing to do with me even, it's just the disorder talking. He worries when I'm not well, which happens. I'm just pulling slowly out of a long depression and he tracks things like if I've taken my medication and asks me about my symptoms and wants to go to doctors appointments with me. He's my advocate as well and insists I take care of myself and actually gets annoyed at me if I don't. Otherwise we have a pretty normal marriage, I think. We have a 2-year old daughter who's fantastic. I stayed home with her the first 2 years, but now she's in daycare, which really helps my mental health. It's totally possible, but you have to be ready for a life with the bipolar disorder because if that is his diagnosis, it's not going away. You're going to want to know as much about it as he does.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


stressed in bama
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 4/7/2008 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   
 Hi, Uncertain,
 
Welcome, I have been happily married to my husband for 21 years this July.He was diagnosed with bipolar 2 1/2 years ago. My husband is a wonderful man but not the same man I married, and never will be. It is very hard to watch the person you love go through the ups and downs of bipolar. I see to it my hubby takes his meds and goes to dr. appt.s However,no matter how much you do for them, there will be high's and low's but with proper care he can do well. We just went through a heck of a week. I really understand what you mean, wearing you thin. By the time he levels out I feel like i need help. Anyway, I wish you and your partner the best and please educate yourself as much as possible. It sure helps to  know as much as you can about the illness.Take care of yourself. :-)

uncertain
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/7/2008 9:11 AM (GMT -7)   
hi all - thanks for your messages. truth is, everytime i read one i cry. It's just so overwhelming.
We are young and were just starting our life together and now i feel so ... well, uncertain.
21 years? and you're still having rough weeks?
wow.
to be honest, i guess i was hoping you would all tell me that once he gets his meds sorted out, he'll be ok. but i'm seeing it's a steady battle.
I'm trying to read as much as i can. And help him as much as i can to record what he's going through and be more self aware.
I'm trying so hard.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 4/7/2008 9:20 AM (GMT -7)   
((((hugs for you)))) It's a lot to take in. Be patient with yourself. It's okay.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


yana
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 220
   Posted 4/7/2008 9:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Uncertain ,don't give up sis.We are in same boat (the difference is my BF is in denial and hides from me his BP)which is more tough as i can't even help him with his wellness plan.I feel so helpless and worried all the time .You are still lucky that you discovered and know where you stand among this turmoil,I hope you feel better and more certain soon!!

Peace
Yana
Never work just for money or for power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night.
~Marian Wright Edelman~


I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.
~Blaise Pascal~


stressed in bama
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 4/7/2008 1:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Uncertain,
 
The good thing is you know before getting married about your partners problem.I told my husband this week knowing what I know now and have gone through so much I would marry him all over again. I know not everyone can say that. Yes, there have been days I have wanted to give up but my husband's family would rather keep their distance and ignore the problem. The way I see it, My vows said for better or for worse and believe me there have been alot of very bad times.I hope and pray you can find the answer you seek and what will work for you. I also hope your partner has family members who can be supportive. I am a one member suppot team.ha. You both are in my prayers.
 
Not so stressed today :-) :-) :-)
 
Stressed in Bama

Carenpolar
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 672
   Posted 4/8/2008 7:52 AM (GMT -7)   
uncertain,,, I have  Bipolar 1, and I was married for 30 yrs. and we had a wonderful marriage.. But there were difficult times when I was hospitalized...

quietpain
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 4/11/2008 2:01 PM (GMT -7)   
I met my husband at 13 in a hospital. I was suicidal/pyschotic when I was dropped off. He came in with secondary psychosis due to LSD ingestion. He had to stay because he tested positive for quite a few drugs and had to do the rehab program. He is clean now except for pot. Since he came in after I had been calmed down, we talked a lot. It was terrifying. The rooms were not locked at night and secrity didn't the men out of the females rooms, regardeless of what the women wanted. My husband took care of me there. He also took care of me when I was released. I had to wait a few months before my family would finalize the sale of home and we could get me to safety. I had problems with drug runner's and a stalker (he had raped me and became obsessed with me about 18 months earlier - I never told my parents, the druggie who abused me did.

So my husband was my lifeline. We had a baby, and I got married a year and a half later when I was 16. I think the fact that he has been there from the start makes a big difference. There is no befoer to compare to. He always on knew he was my husband/lover? and but if wanted to keep me alive he would have to take over gaurdianship and caregiving. He has been with throughtimes were he had to bathe me. Other times he has had to fight me to hold me back from my psychtoic episodes if I am I danger to others. (like trying to burn the house down) But there are wonderful moments too. He found out I like german industrial music and so he found some englgish speaking bands for me to listen too. This year he is taking me to Lalapoloza when we fly home for our yearly family visit. We always sleep holding eachother. I have two kids and sex can happen. We have only been married 15 years, but my grandparents married at 18 going through my grandfather having bipolar depressive type and they stayed married unti lhe died of another non-MI.

Love is good, but you will always be a caregiver.quietpain

uncertain
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/11/2008 6:13 PM (GMT -7)   

thank you for sharing with me.

we're still going through the motions. another doctor, a new perscription. i'm sure you all know what it's like. I saw a seperate doctor on my own to get some onbective feedback. He really gave me a lot of hope. But he said it's going to take several months for things to be manageable.

So i'm hanging on -- with everything i've got.

thanks again.

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