Welcome to HW
You are definitely supported here. I feel like HW is my only support these days.
I wanted to reply about the meds. I did the same thing you did. I had to quit b/c of the zombie feeling. I have to be able to function, go to work etc. but definitely be able to physically get out of bed. With so many of the bp meds that just isn't possible. I don't think many of us can truthfully say that these medications that are out there (most of them) for this illness don't have that effect--b/c they do!!! But some people can tolerate it. I am not one of them. So I was off meds for just over a year. But then my episodes started getting more frequent and more intense. My pdoc said this would keep happening if we didn't do something; but it was my decision. I was slipping fast and hard. So I recalled the only medication I didn't have that zombie feeling with--Lamictal, and decided I would try that. So far, not bad, could be a lot better, but I'm not willing to go on anything else. So I try to manage the best I can in other ways.
I would suggest thinking back to the one med that maybe didn't make you feel so bad, or talk with your pdoc about trying something new--there are a lot of meds. Pdocs can pick all kinds of medications to try and help us balance our moods. They don't all have to be antipsychotics.
I'm sorry to hear about the lack of support (?) from your husband. It's all just so hard. It's hard for us to suffer so much, but it's also hard for our partners to watch us suffer and there's nothing they can do (or so they think).
I too, am feeling overwhelmed right now with stress, which means that I am at high risk right now for sinking lower and lower. You are not alone, and although I feel I am, I'm not either.
Many ((((((Hugs)))))) to you.
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 200 mg/day