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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 4/11/2008 2:17 PM (GMT -6)   
I am 31, have beeen odd for as long as I can remember.  I did have my brother (normal wonder guy, single loves dogs, lawyer who loves me so much) and we played.  I couldn't understand other people, except my grandpa.  My grandpa lives far from us.  I didn't know but all though my earliest years he was only confidant and later I learned he was also very sick with chronic depression.  Its the sort that never goes away just sometimes you try to close to die.  He is my hero.  He died early of Parkinson's taking two meds that when combined were supposed to kill him because he had to stay on his anti-depressant.  It didn't.  He had to go 8 miles from his home.  He had sign papers that held the hospital and university not only no longer responsible for his care but also condeming the trial taking place.  My dad and his two brothers (all doctors, as well as a freind who was a neurologist willing to go to jail if he diead) had to administer the medication and wait.  He didn't have any change in any of his vitals or the brain scans they did right after.  That's why I am will ing to take drug combinations that could kill me.
I take mostltly older meds since I cannot tolerate serontin well and most are not working.
I take: parnate maoi a/b, synthroid, vyvanse*, trazadone*, topamax, dexamphetamine, clonidine, haldol, diphenyramine, and librium.  I see a team of doctors.  My main doc is train in Russia and the in the US both in medical school and onward in the chemical psychiatric field.  I also see a neuropsychiatrist yearly.
I have a form of bipolar that goes like this : catatonia, leaden paralysis, chronic severe depression withouth suicidal thoughts/mild depression/psychotic state with suicidal attempts, cutting, and ending in a state of extreme emotional shock.  There is no happiness.  My forst time in hospital was at 13 the last was 2 years ago.  I have twice taken before the state board of gaurdianship.  Once they tried to put me into an intstitution for 5 years, before reopening the case.  My parents lawyers fought back.  My father faought that since he was a doctor he could handle emergencey med, including shots.  My mother had to quit her job.  I don't remember how long I lived there.  My son came too.  I feel bad for my husband,  The second time was in Boston.  Fortunatly, a doctor testifying said that I deserved a chance because my doctor care was incompetant (he was under review for my case at that time.)  I ended up at Harvard with of team of doctors.  I had to stay at McLean hospital where I went through some trials, then I did a full day program, then a half day, then just meetings.  I wasn't getting better.  I had ECT (third series.)  Then we moved to Boston.  Nine months later to California.  My team here is great.  We pay about 200 a week for my appointments.  Soon the insurance kicks in and we pay only 60 a week.  I currently am not well.  I think the stimulants have made easier to use the bathroom and shower and for the past week I have used the computer.
that's me.  quiet pain

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 4/11/2008 2:50 PM (GMT -6)   

Welcome to Healingwell again. You have a level of atypical bipolar I've rarely heard of before. It sounds severe and very debilitating, and I'm sorry to hear it. It must be unbearable at times -- yet here you are, so clearly you press on. How glad we are of it. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

olivia of course
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 4/11/2008 10:17 PM (GMT -6)   

I to wanted to welcome you to Healingwell. I agree with Serafena, you have a rare form of bipolar. I am sorry you are not well at the moment. Hopefully your insurance will kick in and maybe more option will be available to help you. Thanks for your story, and again welcome. :-)
Co-Moderator, Bipolar
Only by seeking challenges can we hope to find the best in ourselves.
~Robert Rodriguez

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