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wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/14/2008 6:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi all,
 
I usually post on the A/P forum but felt I needed to come her etoday to vent; I hope no one minds because I'll probably ramble for a bit.  I apologize for that.
 
Last July, for various reasons, I had a nervous breakdown and admitted myself to the hospital.  Since then I have been there two more times.  While there the first time, I was diagnosed with anxiety/panic disorder, agoraphobia and Bipolar 1-mixed because my moods fluxuate so much.  All of these diagnoses make so much to me now and explain an awful lot of what has happened in my life.
 
But what I hate are the darn mood swings and just don't know how to control them.  I'll be happy and fine for awhile and then bam - right out of the blue and for no apparent reason, I'm irritable to the point of being out of control, and feel full of rage.  Why?  I just don't understand it.  I am on meds for everything and will be seeing the Pdoc in a couple of weeks and plan to talk with him about this issue. 
 
Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions that may help?  I know you can't give medical advice and that's not what I'm looking for - just some support and help.
 
Thanks for letting me vent.
 
Take care,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


Brian712
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 4/14/2008 6:51 AM (GMT -7)   
No problem with rambling. What helps me is to take things one step at a time. The simplest steps are usually the best steps. Long walks help me so much. I am sorry I cannot give any insight as to rage problems at all etc... that is the best I can give.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 4/14/2008 7:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Wen!!!!! Long time no see. I'm sorry to hear your moods are dogging you, but it's no surprise, is it? That's what we do around here.

I think beyond taking care of ourselves (diet, exercise -- both of which I need to be better about) and staying on our doctor's regimen, there's only so much we can do about the moods. But one thing we can do is let ourselves off the hook about it a bit and stop feeling so guilty. I don't know if you have that problem, but I certainly do. We need to remember that a good part of the moodiness is out of our control and we do our best.

When I shift truly sour, I try to be aware of it, and warn my family members so they can stay out of my path and know not to take things personally. Then I think of something that will lift me up even a little -- a lighthearted movie, a little shopping, some knitting maybe. It's hard when you're that black, but that's when it's most important to focus on something outside yourself for a little while.

Hope this is at all useful,
Good to hear from you A/P queen
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


yana
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 220
   Posted 4/14/2008 7:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Wen,
Welcome to Bp forum,what are the signs of nervous breakdown i want to know from you,when so many things are going on in life its tough .You are brave and strong and you can do it.All we need is reassurance and taking it easy sometimes,i know the times can be challenging but a little insight as to why you are so angry might help?talking to doc is good idea.Feel free to vent here ,we are always listening .Keep us posted!!

Good Luck!!!!
yana
Never work just for money or for power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night.
~Marian Wright Edelman~


I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.
~Blaise Pascal~


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/14/2008 4:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Serafina, Brian and Yana - thank you all for your support and guidance.  It just sometimes gets so overwhelming, it sure makes it difficult to deal with life.  But I appreciate all that you have said and will take it to heart.  
 
Serafina, you're right it's no surprise about the mood swings - there just seem to be more of them and more intense than before.  I too try to be aware of the mood swings and warn my family about the bad ones.  I get so irritable and angry at the slightest of things - it just doesn't take much to set me off - but then again, that's the way it's always been for me.  Since I've received the diagnosis of what the problem is, I guess I'm still trying to figure out what it all means and what I do from here.  And btw - Lyn is the A/P queen, not I - LOL.
 
Take care and thanks,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 4/14/2008 6:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Wen...Stay as conscious as you can when the shift is happening...WATCH it as it does....THEN...MANUALLY shut yourself down. What I mean by that is...stop....go to another room, sit...get quiet...watch TV...just stop talking. Explain to anyone around you that you are experiencing a shift. You need some time to get yourself under control inside, then you will be back to deal with what you were doing...and then STEP AWAY. You will have less to feel guilty about and feel better about yourself. OR....go to a room by yourself and SCREAM and HIT A PILLOW as you do this. Get the rage out...then quiet yourself down and BREATHE until you calm down - and do the first suggestion until it passes. Hope this helps as a suggestion. I've seen it work, and whether you are BP or not...I have young CHALLENGING kids...and even mommy needs to do this process once in a while! Hang in there...LFW

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/16/2008 6:28 AM (GMT -7)   

LFW, thank you very much for the great advice.  I will definitely try to be more conscious of my mood swings (they seem to change often throughout the day for no apparent reason) so that I can warn the family, especially the kids.  My kids are also very challenging, especially one of my boys.  I need to find a way to get the anger under control and I will often go to another room or ask my kids to go do something while I calm down.  That way they don't get the brunt of it, which I don't want because it isn't fair to them.

Thanks again for the advice and for responding.  Thank you all for your help.  I'll be posting here more often.

Wen


Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


Joxster1970
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 4/16/2008 8:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Have you tried to up your Lamictal ????
They uped mine to 100mg to control my mood swings..
Just a idea.......Jox

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/19/2008 8:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Joxster,
 
I am already on 200mg/day on Lamictal.  I'll be seeing my Pdoc on the 29th and will talk to him about the mood swings as well as a couple of other issues.  Hopefully, we can figure out what's going on and go from there.  I just hate being so up and down every day - I seem to cycle a lot - even throughout the day, it's so frustrating.
 
I'll keep everyone up to date on the appointment.  Thanks all for your help.
 
Take care,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


marthamae
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 4/19/2008 8:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Wen,

I am certainly no expert but keep working on your meds with this issue. Lamictal is a great drug to help, but in addition to that I also take Geodon which helps to control my moods.

I saw a great psychiatrist for years. I really loved him and he did a great job for me. But last year I went off the deep end and was hospitalized. A new doctor in the hospital totally re-vamped my meds and now it is like I am a totally different person. I think having a "fresh" person look at me was really a smart thing.

I agree with the posters above that it is important to try to "control" your anger but frankly, that is difficult for me. It's a lot easier to get on the right meds and not get so angry in the first place.

Just my two cents.

Mr.T
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 4/19/2008 8:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Wen,

It's been awhile.  I am sorry to hear that you are cycling so much throughout the day.  Is it always with anger or sometimes you just want to be left alone.  I think most get angry, but I just want everyone to stay away. Anyway,  I sure hope that your doctor will be able to help you and get you back on the right track.  All the best and take care of yourself you have alot of people here who care for you.


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 4/19/2008 8:06 PM (GMT -7)   

wen,

i can empathise with you.  anger - or, more accurately, rage - been my constant companion since i was found under a rock as a small gargoyle 62 yrs ago.  i can only tell you what usually works for me.

one of the best psychologists that i ever had suggested that i draw pictures of erupting volcanoes.  one particularly bad week-end, i drew over 50 erupting volcanoes.  the entire East Coast, where i was living at the time, was engulfed in hot molten lava.  for me at that time, it felt particularly good.

another thing i do is hit things.  from my own experience i suggest inanimate objects that are relatively soft.  people can get hurt if you hit on them and then there is always the problem of going to jail.  hitting people also makes relationships dicey.  many yrs ago i got so enraged at my ex-wife that i put my fist through a plasterboard wall.  i went right through the 2x4 stud.  i never thought my fist would heal after that one.

punching bags are also useful for hitting.  they don't usually hit back.  although once i got distracted and the bag clipped the back of my head.  geeee that hurt!

as i said, these are the things that i do when my rage gets out of control.  as others have said, you absolutely MUST learn to recognize when you are entering this particular mood.  the scientific method:  describe, predict, control.  you can describe the mood.  you are beginning to predict when it is coming on.  your next step is to control the rage.  it has taken me over half a century.  i know that you are sharper than i can ever hope to be and that, with this support group, you sill be able to do it a lot faster.
 
hope all of this helps.  the best of luck.
 
warren
That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/20/2008 4:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for all that you have said, everything has helped in one way or another.  Most of the time I'm able to recognize the anger/rage coming on and either I leave the room or ask the kids to go do something for awhile because I need time to myself.  When I get overwhelmed, the most thing I want is to be left alone and no one to bother me.  My kids aren't always able to recognize that, even after being told, but my husband does and he will check on me from time to time to make sure all is okay.
 
As childish as it sounds - LOL, when I get upset/depressed/etc. I like to color.  I also like to read and listen to music, it seems to soothe me - most of the time.  Hitting people just doesn't come into the picture, although hitting things does - I also try to find things that won't hurt my hands - LOL.
 
This is a great place for support and I love coming here.  I have an appointment with my Pdoc on the 29th and will be addressing the cycling with him then - it seems as though the cycling is becoming more frequent than it was.  I'll let you all know how that turns out.
 
Thanks for letting me vent and share, I needed it.
 
Take care everyone,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 4/22/2008 6:08 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi wen,

Okay...I experience a lot of what you go through.  Irritability is really hard to manage, b/c I feel so angry, and it does seem to come out of nowhere and it's extremely hard to control--it actually feels impossible to control.

I think though you've got the right ideas.  Leave the room; calming activities, like colouring is perfect!

Cycling is the pitts--that is what I deal with.  I'm on Lamictal too, and my pdoc is watching me b/c apparently Lamictal could increase cycling too, so that might be something you could ask your pdoc about?  Do you keep a mood chart?  You can get some off the internet--but they are really helpful to see how many times your mood is changing in a day, if you took all your meds that day.  Patterns of episodes etc. 

I have a feeling that for me and my cycling, it probably would take a lot of meds to get it under control, but I'm just not willing to go on a lot, so I'm just trying to deal.  In my bipolar support group, basically we would start our sessions with "where is your mood at today" (low-high) and then "what can you do to bring yourself down/up to stable?"  I ask myself that when I feel a change or any extreme of the mood spectrum..."What can I do to help shift things a bit?"  It's very effective for me.  

I can elaborate more on this if you need me to.  I'm beat, so I have to go to bed now, but I am thinking of you and you are definitely not alone.  ((((hugs)))) 


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 200 mg/day


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/23/2008 12:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mogs,
 
Thanks so much for the support and help.  I've just started keeping a mood chart because I want the Pdoc to see what's going on with me.  The mood chart that you use, does it have places for all the ups and downs or just a basic up/down for the day?  Does that make sense?  There is a bipolar support group that I could attend if I wasn't agoraphobic - that plays such a role in my life now that it's hard to go anywhere for anything.
 
I just can't stand this anxiety and cycling.  I just keep counting down the days until my Pdoc appt. next week - lol.
 
Take care,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 4/24/2008 3:57 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Wen,

If I could tell you anything that would improve your way of life, it would be to "go to the support group".  I'm agoraphobic as well to a milder degree, and it was tough, but it changed my life.  Keep it in mind, and maybe someday you will be able to do that.  I understand.

My mood chart is set up for one month.  It has 4 levels of high, 4 levels of lows to chose from each day.  At the bottom it has a place for "how many mood changes/day" I fill in each mood I am feeling as the day goes on...it's hard to explain, and I got it from the hospital.  Anyway, it's good you have one. 

I hope you are well today.  I am very depressed, too much stress going on right now.

Hugs,

 


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 200 mg/day


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/25/2008 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Mogs,
 
How is it you were able to overcome the agoraphobia enough to be able to attend the Bipolar meetings?  I am petrified to leave my house for anything.  I just leave to go to therapy and a friend's house where I feel safe, but even that's for a short time.  I just don't know how to get beyond this - I really would like to attend a Bipolar group so that I could talk to others who relate to what I'm dealing with.  My husband, god bless him, tries but he just doesn't get it because he doesn't go through it.  Any thoughts or suggestions you have would be more than appreciated.
 
Thanks Mogs,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/29/2008 3:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Everyone,
 
I went to see the pdoc today and told him of my issues that I'm dealing with and we are making a couple of med changes.  He's taking me off the Abilify because he doesn't think it's working well enough to control the irritability I'm experiencing.  In place of it he's putting me on Zyprexa, which I'm hesitant about because of the potential weight gain.  I've recently lost 35 pounds and don't want to gain it back.  He said if I started gaining weight we will try something different.  I will definitely be keeping an eye on this one.  He's hoping the Zyprexa will help control the racing thoughts at night and help me sleep, which has been an issue lately. 
 
He's also changing my Valium from 5mg every 4 hours to 10mgs 4 times/day.  Hopefully these things will help.  He wants to see me in a month to see how I'm doing and in the meantime I have to let him know how things are going, especially if they aren't going well.
 
I hate going to the pdoc as I'm so scared that every time I see him, he's going to admit me to the hospital again.  I know, it's just a silly fear but it sure is real to me.
 
Thanks all for your support through this, I really appreciate it.
 
Luv to all,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am not a medical professional, any advice give is purely from personal experience.

Always seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

 “Be a good listener.  Your ears will never get you into trouble.” - Frank Tyger

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