I am looking forward to sharing advice and learning new thing about BP on this site.
I always knew I was a misfit but I couldn't quite understand why. Then one day in 2006 I completely lost it. I was at a Horse track with my family and I was drinking. I was also on anti-depressants. Then I had a bad manic break. (Normally my mania caused me to feel like I was the ruler of the world. I could do anything. It actually made me more productive....but it did have a black side as described below)
At some point I blacked out and I began yelling at the jockeys and the horses - IN FRONT OF MY KIDS AND WIFE. My wife somehow got me out to the car in the parking lot where she thought I was no longer a danger. She went back inside the track. I was told that I later left the car and was wandering around the parking lot causing trouble. The cops came and charged me with disorderly. Still blacked out, I don't remember this. At some point my wife and kids came and tried to bring me home. I was freaking out in the car and the cops pulled us over. I was arrested and thrown in jail. I'm told I was screaming and threatening the cops (yeah, real smart) - still no memory. Another disordely charge.
After screaming all night in my cell, the cops realized something was wrong with me. They eventually brought me to a psych ward where my memory came back. ("Hey where am I" is memory #1)
After much analysis, the psych doctor diagnosed me with bipolar. I stayed in the psych ward for a week. My wife didn't want me home and the kids were terrified of me.
My marriage crumbled after that and it took a long while to gain the trust of my kids again.
These day I'm on a bunch of meds trying to survive one day at a time.
I realize now there is hope now matter how dark things get. We just have to push through this together! Thanks for reading this.