I am so sorry you are having a rough time of it right now. It seems to get all heaped up at once. I hope your sons tantrums are a age behavior, I know they can be pretty sneaky and headstrong at that age...but it is good you are crossing all your T's and dotting all your I's.
I know how hard it can be with the kid stress. I am facing some of that right now too. The hard part for me is the letting go as my daughter gets older. She will be 15 next month, and is going on her first date tonight. A group of friends is going ice skating, but a particular boy asked her. Oh the nerves going through me!!
To me this is a big step, and I want to be a part of it, but she told me yesterday that she is going to her dads after school today and that her stepmom is taking them to the rink. It is hard to not feel punched in the stomach :( So inside I am working through some depression from this. Being mommy is hard I tell ya.
I hope your new thrapist works out...and all of your upcoming appts. go well.
Maybe mommy and your little girl need a girls night...a movie and a pedicure or something :)
maybe i'm just a contrarian, but i disagree with how you are handling your son's tantrums. what message is he getting? or, as dr.phil would say, "how is THAT working for you?" he is getting your full attention, he is hearing his mom tell him that she loves him, and, maybe more importantly, he is getting one up on his sibling (don't ever discount the power of sibling rivalry).
when my wife and i had two of our granddaughters visit us for the summer (this was over d decade ago!) when they displayed an unacceptable behavior, we told them what they did that was unacceptable and why it was unacceptable. then we had them stand with their nose in a corner for one minute for every year of their age. after that was over, the offending child would have to apologize, stating the unacceptable behavior. then, and only then, did we hug her, give her a peck, and tell her how proud we were of her for changing her behavior.
it worked for us, so i am speaking from my own experience.
i also agree about having a "special" time with your other daughter. focus on her likes and dislikes. taking my middle granddaughter fishing would be a real treat for her. taking the youngest would be a punishment. by the same token, it's always nice to "stretch their horizons," so be as creative as you can.
i hope this helps - at least a little. remember that as they grow older, it only gets more and more complex.
I love you. You have always been so supportive of me (as all of my HW family has). You are so loved. I can't thank you enough for all of your support.
I am at the same boiling point you are at; I feel like everything is going to bury me alive, and I'm about to break (too long of a story, but just feeling a ton of pressure at externship...etc...and some of the usual stuff).
I think #1 is venting in situations like this. Seriously. So I know you've vented to us, but is there a dear friend that you can make some time with (for yourself) and have a talk? I know that you are concerned with your children, and I also have an understanding of what a wonderful mother you are...Just want you to take some time for yourself so that you can take care of all of this "stress" that is really affecting you. I also find that some quiet time alone is helping me right now. Not sure if that would help you or not? I know it's much different at your house, than at mine. I don't have kids (yet).
Anyway, I am thinking of you and sending you many hugs. Keep us updated, we are very much here for you.
send a kid to his/her ROOM? When was the last time you visited that magic kingdom? TV, computer, playstation and games, private phone. What did I leave out? With a friend's daughter, my frined found drugs. I pray you are spared THAT.
is sending a child to his/her room really punishment? standing in a corner with hands behing the back and no distractions IS pure h*ll to most young children.
only a thought, but if i were a betting man, i'd wager that your children's rooms are magic kingdoms (without Michael Jackson).
Have a think about it.
ok, lfw, i give. i've been through all of the things that many people do to sabotage dicipline, and you could be dr. phil's clone! or, even worse, mine.
you seem to have the actions down to a science. my input is only intended to help based on my experience of how i've seen people trying valiently to win in a no-win situation. i actually have no opinions or thoughts of how lienient or tough you are with your children. as i said, my input is simply based on my own experience and the experience of people that i have seen.
you seem to be doing an excellent job in one of the toughest jobs knoiwn to human beings: bringing up the next generation with proper va\lues and dicipline. all parents who take their job as seriously as you deserve a medal.
my wife is a lot like you. anal retentive. everything has to be PERFECT before she can go on to something else. i keep telling her that life isn't perfect and that there are a lot of fiddly bits and pieces going counter clockwise all the time, preventing the perfection.
she has a perfect image in her head and moves heaven and h*ll to get it. she wears herself and me out trying to get there. and when we arrive, she discovers that she didn't get the whole picture the first time. she (and you) are in a no-win situation designed to send you to the hospital for a long, long time if you are unable to break the pattern.
one of the things i ask my wife when she gets into one of the heroic drama queen phases is "what is the worst thing that can happen if you do (or don't do) this task?" usually, the frightening outcome is trivial.
lfw, there was only one perfect human being on this earth according to the christian tradition. and look at what they did to him. leave perfection to the gods and deal with the imperfect realities surrounding you every day.
i hope this helps clarify what i've been trying to say to you.
of course you make sense. and i stepped in it again by using the word "perfection." i apologize; please forgive an old man who is trying his best to express some very difficult and complex issues. nevertheless, perfection or simply keeping the lid on is wearing you down and tearing you apart. at some point your body (or brain) will simply say, "i've had enough, lfw! slow down or stop now or i'm going to do it for you!"
at times like those, i have found from my personal experience, to slow down or stop on my own rather than have my body or brain so it for me. those parts of "us" can be so irrational and not understand that the world is falling apart without my total commitment to keeping a lid on everything! my, my, they can stop you dead in your tracks. and who will keep the lid on then? or perhaps the lid will come off and a cleansing explosion may occur. you never know.
I'm so very sorry to hear things are still so hard on you. I wish I could offer some good advise. I can offer to give you a (((( BIG HUG))))) though!