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iluvher
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/25/2008 11:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I am a 40 year old mother of 8. I have been married for about 17 years and was a foster parent for 9 years. I have a 16 year old child that has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. WOW!!! As a mother my heart will always be on her side, but it has gotten to the point that the safty of my family and myself is in danger. She has been arrested around nine times for running away, stealing cars and demestic voilence. This last time was tonight. I had found out that she was having boys in my home again while we were not there and late at night, that she was purposely failing 10th grade because just wanted to get her GED and that she was either going to classes late or missing most of them to be with boys. When I confronted her of course she was angry at me for saying anything. My husband and I went out to eat and I get a phone call that she had packed her bags. My husband and I came home and asked her if she was leaving and she walked out the front door and told me she was running away. I grabed the back of her shirt and told her she was going to stay at home. So she turned around and hit me in the face my husband grabed her and she hit me again, kicked me in the stomach and spit in my face. This was the second time she decided to abuse me. She has had a knife to confront another person because they caught her steeling from them. This is all coming from a child whom 2 years ago was a A/B student and had no violent episodes. Is this normal behavior. I understand that her biological mother and 2 sisters also have bipolar. I just don't want that to be the basis of any diagnosis. Please help!!!!!       

iluvher
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/26/2008 1:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you. I know that my whole church is praying for v. She has been recieving couceling through our church and going to church with us 2 or 3 days a week. She is also going to the court ordered counceling and AOP with the YMCA 4 days a week. I have tried everything I know how, to include praying for her and with her daily. the support group she has with the church is outstanding. But the last time she ran she was gang raped by 5 boys and had a gun to her head. I am not sure what her next experience will be. I just hope that she accepts god. I know that god will take care of her. She also needs serious help because of her mental illness, and I have to seek it out. this illness is called an ansestrial curse. One of her friends that was doing the same thing she is doing was found murdered last week. I was put on this earth to be her guide. I know this. What else do I do butplant god seed guide her and love her unconditionaly as God has me. Tonight after this had happened I called our friends from church to come to the jail and we all prayed for her and the rest of the family that has to go through this. My daughter is seriously ill. I cannot give up on her. God put her at my door and I will never turn away from the plans he has set before me. I am so aware who god is, He is my best friend, my savior, my father and my world. God would not have me do anything any other way. When I came to know God, He made sure that I knew it was Him. anyone that has ever been saved understands what I am saying. I know that God has plans for her. I also know that god has a purpose for me being her mother and that is to, first of all, show her gods word, guide her, protect her and respect her even if she won't. God died on the cross for our sins but the unsaved do not understand this. Thank you again for all of your prayers. It wonderfull to know that you will be praying for v and us. God bless you!

sophieWVU
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 4/26/2008 4:56 PM (GMT -7)   
She needs to be on meds.  You can't count on prayer for this, sorry to offend anyone.  Just like you can't pray away aids or cancer.  I don't care what anyone says about it, but no one's ever got over this on their own.  I respect everyone's religious opinion but when it prevents someone from getting proper treatment it needs to be said.  She will only get worse and someone will get seriously hurt or killed.  It's a progressive disorder.  She's driving you nuts but you can only imagine what she's going through too.  Please get her into a psychiatrist and continue praying for her. 

wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 4/26/2008 8:15 PM (GMT -7)   

i agree with sophie.  prayer is very powerful.  but if i break my leg all of the prayer in the universe won't set it.  of course, after it is set and properly treated by a qualified physician, prayer might well make it heal faster and more thoroughly (actually, studies in England have supported this statement).

another piece of advice.  she is bp.  ok.  not the end of the world and i haven't heard gabriel's horn yet.  treat her with respect and DAMAND that she treat you with respect.  the age of consent, or majority, differs from state to state.  generally it is 18.  if your child is not yet at the age of majority, she has no rights under the law (except, of course, not being abused).  i would try dr. phil's "commando parenting."  sending her to her room when it is filled with her paraphernalia, phone, tv, vidio games, etc. is like sending her to disneyland.  try removing everything from her room but a mattress, a "pallet."  she earns the other stuff one at a time by following the rules.   if she messes up, she may well lose some of her stuff.

i have bp, chronic excruciating back pain, and copd, with the chronic bronchitis becoming active quite often.  several days in the hospital last month from it.   my wife doesn't cut me any slack.  i get up and do my daily activities (shower, clean the cat litter tray, have a breathing treatment, etc) and am ready to go by 9:00.  if something happens, like my back kept me wake most of last night, my wife and i renegotiate the start time.  it works.  of course i want to get and stay as well as i can and my wife wants to help get and keep me there.  we have a synergy.  i suggest getting one with your daughter.  it won't be easy.  neither was dieing on the cross (if you believe that it really happened).  by the way, not everyone on this board is christian and some might take offence at the rather fundamentalist sharing that went on in this thread.  personally, i believe that if a religion or belief helps a person deal with this world, more power to them and their belief.  however, i happen to be one of those who is not a christian:  i'm jewish.  and, yes, i know what the perfect love of my god is.  in judaism, hell is the state of being without god.  heaven is the state of being with god.  Micah said, "what doth the lord require of thee?  but to love mercy.  to do justly. and to walk humbly with YOUR [emphasis added] god."  being close to my god is just as important to me as it is for any christian or muslim or buddhist or whatever.  we all seek the same unity with our god(s).  may he/she bless you with enlightenment.

warren


That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.
 
 


iluvher
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/26/2008 9:23 PM (GMT -7)   
V has been on medication but refuses to take them the last 2 times. But I get them anyways. I have been told that I cannot force her to take them. I was also told that we could not put our hands on her in anyway because she is a minor. They informed my husband and my son that the could have been arrested for holding her down. What else were they suppose to do. I cannot defend myself and my family cannot stop her from harming one of us. What has this world come to that a child can do what ever they want to and you cannot stop them. They said that I provoced the fight because I grabed the back of her shirt. Are you kidding!!!! This time she told her sister that she was not going to take the meds to prove to my husband and I that she did not need them. I have the proof all over my face that she did. I have to go to the doctors to find out why my eye has turned yellow. And all she did was laugh. I know that after it was all over she felt bad because she wanted to talk to me. But I could not do that at that time. We have court on monday to figure out what the next step is going to be. I am sure that it will be a long term institution this time, I feel bad that things have gotten this out of control. my husband and I were in the military some years ago. and I do demand respect and give my children resect as well. But veronica will not own up to any part of what she has done. It will always be someone elses fault. This I think is normal for teen to try to get away with but her anger toward the person who has caught her is not. V will have to come to this conclusing that she has this disorder on her own. Then she can finally be treated for it. Thank you for all of your responses.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 4/27/2008 9:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Iluvher,

First let me welcome you to the site, I'm tardy in doing so. Second, I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. You must have immense frustration. You can't force your daughter to take a pill, it's true. And besides, if she's doing any drinking or taking any drugs, it's actually dangerous. She certainly sounds like she's in a manic phase and hospitalization might be the best thing for her. She'll be safe, they'll hopefully get her stabilized again. She's not well enough to be responsible for her own behavior and she's not responding to your concerns. I know hopsitalization has a terrible stigma attached but a good many of us on this board have been there and actually come out better because of it. It's no fun, that's for sure, but it does help sometimes.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


sophieWVU
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 4/27/2008 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   

Good point sarafena

Hospitalization can be a life saver.  Chances are, she's not deciding to not take meds and make the proper lifestyle changes, her bp is.  If she's "forced" to get medicated and stop taking drugs/alcohol/caffiene/etc her thoughts on this may change.  Once you feel a little more normal, you kinda want to keep that going (at least for me).  I hope things get better for you and your family 


iluvher
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/27/2008 6:51 PM (GMT -7)   
I hope you all know how much this and others with this disorder is and has helped me to understand. I was so angry with her friday. I now know that I need to be angry at what she did, not taking her meds, and not her. I did not understand what this disorder can do to a person. Of course I do not have this, so I cannot understand what she has to be going through. Please be thinking of her monday morning around 9:00 am. I hope that everything that needs to happen for her will.

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 4/28/2008 5:36 AM (GMT -7)   
This is unhealthy behavior. I wonder if you have taken her to a therapist after this incident? (and you for that matter as well because of this has to effect you) I would suggest at least an eval. Hospitalization is a possibility, but I think you need to have help in dealing with this as well. I have to agree here with the unnecessary use of force here. Your husband and son are out of line. Not in their defense of you, but in the way they did it. As a foster parent you need to protect yourself by knowing what is the legal avenues you have. You have to be able to protect yourself here. I would like to know what do you mean that you cannot protect yourself? (You said you were former military and you "demand" respect.) You do have to follow the same rules as a teacher does in this case. You can only self defend and if you cannot do that then perhaps then you need to ask the question should you be doing this?
It sounds like you could use some help with parenting someone who is bipolar and the regulars here can help you in finding ways and educational tools on parenting someone with bipolar. I mean no disrespect to your parenting skills, but you are jumping out of the plane, without going to airborne school and receiving the training you need for this situation. I strongly suggest that you find a family life educator, therapist, some psych person who specializes in parenting bipolar children (teenagers in particular) and get the education and training you need to deal with this situation.
I apologize for asking questions that are harsh and can possibly be offensive. Parenting someone that is bipolar is a very hard and demanding job (it is not like parenting a "normal" child which is hard anyway), and I would not hesitate to support you in getting some help with that.
Good Luck.
P.S. You do not lay your hands on a 16 year old other than to defend yourself or a younger child otherwise it is assault and unlawful restraint, in this instance you do need to call the police.
Forum Co-moderator
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants)
Praise in public, chew in private.
Make sure your suffering has meaning....
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 4/28/2008 8:56:47 AM (GMT-6)


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/28/2008 8:53 AM (GMT -7)   

I agree that this is unhealthy behavior and I whole-heartedly understand that you love her and want the best for her and your family.  However, now it sounds like things are escalating and getting dangerous.

I'm going to share my story with you regarding my son who is now almost 16 (I'll try to keep this short).  When he was 10 he became depressed and suicidal and I had to hospitalize him in a psychiatric ward for 12 days.  This was the most heart-wrenching thing I have ever done as a parent, we never ever have to expect to do that with our children.  After returning home on some new meds, he ran away several times.  He was even taken to the police department in handcuffs once because he became physical with both myself and his sister (my husband wasn't home at the time).  I wasn't able to physically restrain him, that's why I called the police.  The police did tell me that if I felt endangered by him, I could restrain him even though he was a minor - it was just that I'm not physically able to do it, he's too strong.  This also resulted in a hospitalization.  Within the course of 6 months he was hospitalized a total of 4 times, the last time because he set a fire in my house. 

As much as I loved him, I knew that I had to take drastic measures because I didn't know what he would do next.  I then found out that he had been beating on his sister as well as everything else.  I pressed charges against him for the fire and the beatings.  When we went to court, he was immediately taken out of our home and put in placement.  During the placement, a battery of tests were done, different meds were tried, he had to participate in therapy (which he wouldn't do when he was living at home).  The final diagnosis was Major Depression with Psychotic Features (he hears voices when not on meds); Bipolar still hasn't been completely ruled out and it wouldn't surprise me if he ends up with that diagnosis some day. 

He was in placement for 2 years, was able to come home on weekends, holidays, and vacations as long as he didn't have any major problems during the week at the treatment center.  He did have problems here and there, but was always able to come home on those passes. 

Although these decisions I had to make were extremely difficult for me and I second-guessed myself every step of the way, it was the best thing I could have done for him.  He is on the right combination of meds and is doing well at home (has been home for nearly 2 years now), his grades are good and is looking for a summer job.

So remember, you may have to make some tough decisions about your daughter, but you have to think of the safety of your daughter as well as the rest of your family. I hope this story has helped a little bit (even though this turned out to be longer than I had intended).  I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Take care,

Wen


Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am not a medical professional, any advice give is purely from personal experience.

Always seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

 “Be a good listener.  Your ears will never get you into trouble.” - Frank Tyger


iluvher
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/28/2008 12:55 PM (GMT -7)   
V was up until this going to therapy and counciling and christian counciling and AOP. We kept her very busy in this. Her support group was huge. I have finally discovered that until she know that she has this illness that all the therapy in the world will not help her. V is adopted by my husband and I 6 years ago. She had been with us for 12 years. I am just going through all the same things that every other parent with a disorder like this has gone through. Thank you for all of you words of encouragement. You all have been a blessing.

quietpain
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 4/28/2008 1:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I support you in placing your child somewhere safe where she can get medical help. SHe will hate you,maybe for years. I was 13 went I went in. Ask yourself how much you love her, enough to lose her love or to watch her die? I did eventually come back to loving my parents again (it took a few years). MY mom is fragile so I am careful with her (shs's also in therapy), but my dad (who I hated the most) now helps me with my illness. HE knows about drugs that are going to be released, so I can try them ahead of times, heis always avalble by phone since I can page him (he's a doctor.) and he also works with aunt about food interactions. There the obvious ones that go w/ mt MAOI but there arer restrictions with other drugs to. They are usually mild and deal with absorbtion and metabolism.

He sends me medical journals like JAMA and articales he thinks I'd be interested in.OUr relationship is very much based on my knids though. not my illness.about 10 years ago my husband tolfdthem he was my legal gaudrian and he wanted my fater to be brains of this madness and he would not everything else.

SO far it is strain, but it helped.

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 4/28/2008 2:15 PM (GMT -7)   
What kind of therapy is she in? What I was trying to get at with my previous post that all parties involved need help in dealing with this (including your other children) ... The tools for dealing with this situation are needed for everyone in the house...
Forum Co-moderator
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants)
Praise in public, chew in private.
Make sure your suffering has meaning....
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 4/28/2008 5:49 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Iluvher,

In my opinion you need to contact whoever is prescribing her medication and call them and let them know what has been taking place with her. I would suggest you tell him/her that your daughter is in a crisis situation and you would like to have her admitted for a proper evaluation and treatment.

When people with bipolar get out of control like your daughter is, the hospital is the best decision you can make for her. She will get the proper care, proper medication adjustment, as well as group therapy and other forms of treatment from professionals who know exactly know how to care for people who have a mental illness.

Whenever I was hospitalized I came home healthier and in a better place. You can also ask about out patient therapy programs available in your area before she gets discharged to she is going into another help/support network.

You may also want to consider getting her involved with a talk therapy therapist for herself to be part of her long term wellness program. Most people with bipolar also see a therapist on a regular basis.

And find some books on bipolar and learn as much as you can about this illness because her family should be a major part of her support network.

All the best to you and your daughter and family.
~sukay~
Diagnosed Bipolar - August 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
 
Leo Buscaglia


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 4/29/2008 5:50 AM (GMT -7)   
dominatly2real,
It is not that we do not have a deep faith and spirituality. It is the pray to God, but row for shore principle. Unfortunately, not all Christian counselors have the education, experience, and qualifications needed for this situation.

We also need you to respect that there are members that are not of faith or of a different faith on here.

Please make an effort to C*۞אּعI ร †.

"You should respect other religions... the essence of all religions is basically the same: to achieve a true sense of brotherhood, a good heart, respect for others. If we can develop these qualities from within our heart, then I think we can actually achieve true peace."

I am a life long practicing Roman Catholic and hope you understand that it isn't your faith that is offensive, it is your insistence on pushing your beliefs on others.

All we are asking you to do is to respect others.
Forum Co-moderator
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants)
Praise in public, chew in private.
Make sure your suffering has meaning....
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 4/29/2008 2:50:25 PM (GMT-6)


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 4/29/2008 6:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Iluvher,
I am sorry that dominatly2real has decided to hijack your thread.
Unfortunately it may be deleted because of this.
We do want to help you and hope you stay.
Take Care and Good Luck,
Navy
Forum Co-moderator
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants)
Praise in public, chew in private.
Make sure your suffering has meaning....
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 4/29/2008 6:26 AM (GMT -7)   

MMMNAVY,

Why can't you just ban "dominatly2real" from the board instead? She has been warned enough already and still persists.

 


~sukay~
Diagnosed Bipolar - August 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
 
Leo Buscaglia


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 4/29/2008 6:29 AM (GMT -7)   
We are waiting for Admin. So take care ya'll.
Forum Co-moderator
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants)
Praise in public, chew in private.
Make sure your suffering has meaning....
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 4/29/2008 7:49:31 AM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/29/2008 9:19 AM (GMT -7)   
ILuvHer

I am so sorry
I do feel your pain and anguish as a mom and I do hope that this will all be taken care of and the right thing done for her and for all of you involved..........

Take care and know you have ppl here supporting and caring about you and what you are dealing with
I like Navy believe therapy would benefit ALL involved.
Thats just my thoguhts

All the best to you

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
 
   
 
                   
 


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 4/29/2008 12:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Dominately2real,

The boards are not to be used to advocate any one particular controversial point of view, they are for support. EVERYONE'S religious beliefs must be equally welcome here, therefore NO ONE is allowed to come here to proselytize. I'm sorry you don't agree with that, but those are the rules. If you can't comply with the rules, perhaps you need a more faith-based community.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


iluvher
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/29/2008 7:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I wanted to thank everyone. V is currently being held in jail until a bed becomes avalable for her. I hate the thought of this but at least she will not be able to hurt herself or someone else. She will most likely hate me, I'm sure. Thats okay. At least this time my family I do not have to worry about what shes doing. She is such a great person when she is well. And I love spending time with her. And I agree that after all of this our whole family need some help, just to be able to deal with all the things that have happened in the past year and a half. I have been told that this time they will be keeping her for 1 year or more. I thought the last time was long!!!!! I keep on thinking that I want to talk to her, see her, But I think that it would be best if she takes the first move when shes ready. Does anyone else think that that is a good idea????

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/30/2008 9:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,
 
As sad as it is, I'm happy to hear that your daughter is in a place where she cannot hurt herself or anyone else.  I too struggled with the very question you are when my son was hospitalized and then put into placement.  Do I go see him or not?  But I had to meet with the therapists the next day to talk with them, take some clothes to him, and fill out more paperwork (as if I hadn't done enough already at 3:00am).  So while there I decided to see him; needless to say he was extremely angry with me and didn't want to see me.  It was a very short "visit" - I told him that I loved him and left.  He then called me that evening, screaming at me, hating me, wishing me dead, etc.  As time went on, the phone calls became less abusive and the visits started going better.
 
I honestly think that you will receive similar behavior from your daughter because she just hates the world and hates the way she is right now.  Try very hard not to take it to heart if she tells you she hates you and/or the family - I know, easier said than done.  I've been there and it hurts.  But in the long run, this will be the best thing for her as she will receive the kind of treatment she needs and will most likely be put on meds to help her.  That's not to say that she won't fight them in taking them or that she will continue taking them when she is released from placement.  But you just have to have the courage to do whatever it takes to keep her and your family safe.  If she is 18 when released from placement, you should have the legal right to not allow her back into your home should she decide to not take her meds and return to her current behavior.
 
I know all of this is incredibly hard on you and your family, but you WILL get through it - just take it one day at a time - even an hour at a time if need be.  Just don't beat yourself up with guilt (I know all about this guilt trap and it's horrible) because you have done nothing wrong.  You have loved her and that's the most important thing.  You and your family should also consider counseling because this is so hard to deal with; you need a way to be able to come to terms with all of this too.

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am not a medical professional, any advice give is purely from personal experience.

Always seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

 “Be a good listener.  Your ears will never get you into trouble.” - Frank Tyger

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