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Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1
Posted 5/9/2008 8:13 AM (GMT -6)
My name is Sarah and I've suffered with Bipolar II for a long time now - I was diagnosed 10 years ago in my late teens. I have been coping quite well until recently thanks to living an incredibly structured life. I started a new job with lots of responsibility, where the other manager lived 300 miles away (?). The company was completely lacking in structure, and although part of my job was to instill this, no one would follow the rules and procedures. This, coupled with being loaded on with everyone else's work load, has just left me falling into a heavy depressive episode.
I was going to resign but they have saved me the hassle by launching a disciplinary against me due to unfinished work - not difficult seeings as I've been doing three people's jobs! This has left me feeling very down and guilty. I have some great support who are helping me to see through the fog but it's difficult right now.
I'm just feeling so lethargic. I can't be bothered to do anything. I've been off work for three weeks now and I just sit on the sofa, watching the clock tick by on my laptop. Sometimes I sleep, other times I just zone out. Right now, my stomach is rumbling but the effort of going into the kitchen, only to find there is nothing to eat anyway, is too much. At best, I might
open a tin of beans and eat them cold. I'm also gripped by thoughts of death - my own, my families, other peoples. The thoughts of finality and nothingness. It's all getting a bit much and I'm starting to have panic attacks and lose control.
I went to the NHS Crisis Team on Monday which was as useful as a chocolate teapot. I saw two "mental health practitioners" who having looked up I realised aren't even nurses. They told me they didn't think I suffered from a depressive illness. I've been under the care of three different psychiatrists, numerous GPs and plenty of nurses. This is the first time anyone has suggested I'm not ill. Even though I tell myself that these women aren't even medically qualified, let alone knowledgable in bipolar, it has sent me spiralling. I've started to wonder if maybe I've been psychosomatically making myself ill all these years. It's left me feeling pretty messed up. I went because I'd spent the night before scared I was going to black out and kill myself. I kept thinking about
the knifes in the kitchen and getting hysterical.
I'm sorry I've rambled on for so long - I just don't really have anyone to talk honestly with about
my condition. I look forward to getting involved around here.
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Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 243
Posted 5/9/2008 8:46 AM (GMT -6)
Do you have a regular psychiatrists??? if so you need to give them a call... you can always find people here, but to me it sounds like you need more help than you got at NHS Crisis Team... You need a therapist or someone,or go to your hospital.It sounds like you need to not be alone right now....Reach out to someone you can trust, sitting alone only makes you mind wonder, and at times thats not a good thing.....I've just found out I'm bipolar, and for me it makes sense to me...I've had a lot of feelings, at different times I couldn't understand, But I found someone to talk tings through with every time...And it sounds like you need to find someone to.....Keep posting and at least here you can get things out to...
Dx June 07 crohn's take asacol 2x3 a day , entcort 1 a day ,lotrel for HBP , omeprezole for stomach , potassium , one a day crohn's & colitis therapy , calcium & Vit D , lomotil for lose stools , tramadol for pain , started humira in Feb 08
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
Posted 5/9/2008 11:55 AM (GMT -6)
Welcome to HealingWell. Many of us have been there, in that kind of deep depression (which you're obviously suffering from,) and I hope we can offer some support. This board has been invaluable to me when I'm depressed.
Ne Ne has some excellent advice. You could definitely use some company -- do you have any understanding friends or family you can turn to or stay with for a couple of days? Next stop is absolutely your/a psychiatrist. Time for a qualified professional to help you get your mood straightened out.
I'm sorry about
work, that kind of blow is hard to come back from, especially when you're depressed, but give it time and it will be okay.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
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