Thanks for the support. I don't think I can take all the credit for controlling my anger. It is either from the meds or I am coming out of a cycle or maybe both. Normally, when I get angry I will rage. sometimes for hours. I used to be violent. I would throw things, kick walls, punch walls, including brick walls and in the early stages of our marriage I would literally beat on dh. Of course I never really hurt him. and he never hit me back except for one time when I was in his face and telling him to hit me I don't know how many times. But he only slapped me open handed but it was hard enough. needless to say I didn't dare him to hit me anymore. LOL. I really don't know how he put up with me. I learned to control my violent streak with great difficulty for the sake of my kids. I still want to hit and throw things every once in a while. Sometimes I am afraid that if dh wasn't here I probably would. But as you said, I have my family to help me. and hopefully your bf will soon realize how lucky he is to have you with him and get the help he needs.
Anger is definately a big issue with me. I can go off the deep end over the smallest things. like when my dd took the last cup of tea I got so upset with her about it, I went off on her for half an hour and that was mild. and it was only a cup of tea. I could have made more. that was one of the reasons why I decided to get help. I am tired of getting so angry beyond control over stupid little things. and I will definately keep you posted. and I am still thinking about bipolar a lot. in fact from morning till night, but it isnt as much as it was those first few days.
I am trying to learn all that I can about it but it is difficult to ascertain much more than the medical definition and short summaries of the disorder on the internet. Unfortunately I live in a country that doesn't really have any books on the subject. So yes, I would love some more reading material or a list of good books that I could order. and thanks to you and olivia and everyone else on the board for your support. and I am trying to remember that eventually, maybe I won't be thinking about it so much and things will get better. I will definately ask dh for more feedback. I think he was also relieved to know what exactly was wrong with me. that I wasn't just a b***h. Not that he ever called me that. But at least he now knows why I will take things as far as I do. he is definately my rock in all of this.