Thank you so much for caring. Well, my right arm is gone, and SO FAR...my family is pulling together to cope. Chores were divided up, and to some degree everyone is trying to take on the new tasks. But, we are reaching the point we always reached where it gets away from everyone...and disaster strikes unless I overwork myself to maintain it. I am still hoping it doesn't go there knowing we don't have her with us (as if she is on vacation about to return). Her departure was HARD. We all sobbed together for quite a while before she was pulled away by friends who were taking her to the airport. We ALL miss her so much around here. She was my friend, my right arm around the house, and my kids sudo 2nd mom. The emotional support for me that is gone, is definitely something I am still sad about. But I have seen the new therapist. I really see he wants to help with good sage advice, and that is appreciated, but I also want a safe place to vent. We'll see if he is good at letting me do that without going straight for "fixing" the problem, which to a big degree I don't think is fixable. I hope I am wrong. We've had a few "steam releasing" blow ups around here and we made it through it. My H is on some new medication, and other than his constant complaining and voicing of every opinion he has - feeling it is his right as my H to "tell" me them (never hearing the implications negatively towards me in what he is saying, or just whining for the sake of whining)...believe it or not, things are okay for the moment. In some ways he has been quite pleasant almost. In certain areas he is trying to be consciously considerate towards my feelings.
I think in some ways it is because he is a bit less resentful about the pressure. I landed a job. From the outside, it looks like a perfect fit to my broad range of skills, the pay is good, the hours can be flexible as long as I get the work done, and the results are there, and it is only about 10 minutes from our house. Plus, it should still leave me time to focus on my business and hopefully drive that forward and FINALLY get it off the ground too. Also, I'll get our medical insurance covered through it...a big relief as our Cal-COBRA was running out and finding new insurance was going to be hard. Loosing it altogether was NOT an option since by the standards of coverage - 3 out of 5 of us are considered un-insurable due to all the medical issues around here unless we are with group coverage of 25 people or more. I will say that 1/2 of me is excited to enter the professional workforce again, and 1/2 of me is scared it means the end to my dream. BUT...time will tell. I know that I will do the best job I know how, and have to believe I will succeed at it. So from the challenge side of it, I am excited. From the keeping it all together...between the kids, the H, the house, the schedules, the .....and still having time for my business I have worked on for a few years now....and there is still such resounding support for....I am a nervous wreck.
Add to all this some landlord trouble we are trying to calm down about as they have broken agreements with us and added financial pressures to us as a result, and that paints the picture of things. I am working hard to take one day at a time, and BREATHE my way through it. I just wish my right arm were still here!!!!!! Then I would feel safer about it all. But, reality is reality, and so...I cope, keep my chin up, try to look on the bright side, and continue taking one step in front of the other facing forward and doing what must be done. Thanks for caring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUGS...LFW