the past few days, I have been up, down, normal, anxious, irritable and I am tired of it. Tuesday I was up all day. I couldn't seem to sit still. I was on the go all day too. Everyone seemed to be so slow and I couldn't seem to go fast enough. Driving, I went much faster than I usually do even when I am manic. But it wasn't just driving either. I went to the mall and people walking in front of me were walking so slow and I couldn't go around them. so of course I started getting irritated.
yesterday I was down and up at the same time. more up than down but I really hate that feeling. I don't know how to feel or what exactly I am feeling when I am like that. again I went to the mall and bought things that I really didn't need then I felt guilty for it and anxious about what dh is going to say. I want to give him the atm card but I am afraid he will ask me why and when I tell that I have been spending too much and how much is left in the bank he will get upset and I can't deal with that right now.
Today, again I don't know how I am feeling, or what to feel. I have three kids home on their mid term break until monday, and one son home because he didn't want to go on the field trip they are having today. I don't really want them to be home. I want them to be in school. Does that sound horrible? But on the flip side, they can help me watch the baby. While I get the things done that I need to. But she wants to be with me all the time. I have recently stopped nursing her so she is really clingy now. I can't even go to the bathroom without her screaming. i can't let her sit on the couch next to me without her climbing on my lap again. I guess I can't reallly call her a baby anymore since she is 1 1/2, LOL.
So that is how it has been for me. I know I have only been on my meds for a week, but I wish they would really kick in. They are working some, I don't get as angry as I usually do when I am manic and don't get as down as usual. but I am just tired of feeling this way. I wish I didn't even have to take meds, but what can I do?
anyway, I am rambling now so I will go and try to get some things done. I hope you all are feeling good today.
BTW, anyone here on Facebook?
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!