New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 5/23/2008 11:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey.  Today I just want to be alone.  But my parents think that they have to see my baby every single day!!  There are days that I just cannot take being around my dad, especially when I am battling this disorder.  When I am in the throes of it, I don't want to be around ANYONE!  I have explained that to my mom and she understands and she has talked to my dad about it.  But he is just so ugggg.  My husband says that I need to set boundaries and I have tried.  Maybe not hard enough - I don't want to upset anyone but my dad is like a spoiled rotten 5 year old.  If you say something, he gets tore up about it and pouts and sulls for days and won't speak to you until YOU say you are sorry.  It is utterly ridiculous.  I can't take the pressure.  It stresses me out and makes me feel worse.  It is a trigger for me.  I know I have to take care of myself especially right now being pregnant.  I guess I just need to quit feeling guilty and stand up for myself.  They don't have to see her everyday.  And on the weekends my husband justs wants it to be the three of us since he works during the week.  The weekend is his time with our baby and me.  But they have to see her at least one of those days.  He gets upset about it.  I have to be careful talking to my mom too because she gets hurt sometimes too by what I say.  This is so totally frustrating and getting to me so bad.
 
Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 5/23/2008 12:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Missflip,
 
Co-dependancy comes to mind when I read your post.
Your husband is right. YOU need to set the boundaries.
Nothing grips ahold of you unless YOU let it.
 
You stated perfectly what you desire in your post and everything sounds very reasonable. Quit thinking about what your parents are feeling and starting thinking about what you want.
 
I agree with your husband. He works all week and looks forward to spending the weekend alone with his wife and child alone. You can't let your parents consume your life and happiness. They need to find new things to fill their lives with and you can't responsible for that.
 
I'm just saying that you really need to set the boundaries and start speaking up for yourself. It doesn't have to be harsh....just a matter of fact of this is how it is.
 
 
If you can, I strongly suggest you read the book: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. This book was a lifesaver for me.
 

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 5/23/2008 12:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Sukay is right, Missflip. It's really hard to enforce your own desires when your parents are pulling such childish tactics on you, but you are a grownup too and get to set your own rules too. They're "big kids" and will get over a little disappointment. Give them a set schedule they can look forward to and try to stick to it as much as possible. If you don't want to include weekends, don't. Or maybe every other weekend, or some such thing.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


twisted71
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 136
   Posted 5/23/2008 1:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, it can be rough trying to set boundaries with your parents and not wanting to hurt their feelings but also trying to do what you need to for you and your family. And sukay and serafena are right. You do need to talk to them. One thing you might say is something like, I know how much you want to see the baby but we really need time for ouselves as a family unit. we are not taking her or ourselves away from you. but we need the time to be by ourselves sometimes. and if they really want to see the baby on the weekend, maybe they could take her for a few hours while you and dh go out on a date. that may make them happy to have the baby all to themselves for a while. you have to see what would work for you and your husband. And I hate to say it but if your dad acts like a spoiled 5 year old then you may have to talk to him like one. for example "this doesn't mean we don't love you or want you out of our lives...." and don't apologize to him for taking the time that YOU need. It may be hard knowing that he is upset with you and not talking to you for days, but once he realizes that you aren't going to apologize, he will come around and maybe even apologize to you. Let us know how things go.
AJL
 
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, December 09, 2016 12:15 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,735,431 posts in 301,302 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151408 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, ChristineMdic.
355 Guest(s), 12 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
DBwithUC, Xfitmama3, FearBug, compiler, RandyJoe, NiceCupOfTea, pmm73, maria2016, Tim Tam, Tall Allen, straydog, multifacetedme


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer