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mama2
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 42
   Posted 6/2/2008 7:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone its been awhile since I've been on but have been feeling puzzled and just thought I could vent...
Well I am bi polar and married with 2 beautiful girls and a step-son. I have been married to my husbend for 4 years and it has definitly been a rollar coaster. I was also diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and had my colon removed this passed january and finally physically been doing better. But mentaly very up and down. My husbend had a affair on me in december and I was devasted. are girls are 3 and 1 so part of me wanted to run and the other said you have two babies work it out knowing that I was going to have surgery. So even thu I was hurt I stayed. I have always been very sexually active and feel the need to have always have that in my relationsip so I was very hurt that he had an affair. he said it wasn't a sexual thing but more he liked that this other women was paying attention to him and he liked it as I had been so sick after delivering our second child no fair to me. But that was him be honest. So now I feel like I am going thru all of his things after I accepted him back and can't seem to get over what he did,  so 6 months after this affair he had, he tells me today that I only want him because of sex. You only feel loved when we are having sex ,but that is it. He said that is all that I need him for. I kept thinking to myself. Is it true?? I know I feel really great after we have sex but that is not all I need him for. I told him this and he says I am *****y if I don't get it. I told my phyc and he would like to talk to my husbend but he wants nothing to do with it. It makes it hard because  I know alot of people with bp normally have many affairs. My father is bp and I lived with it for 25 years so I am very aware of myself and how I treat others as I didn;t want to be like my dad. I have always been faithful in all my relationships and told my husbend when we got married the one thing I would not tolorate was being cheated on. I broke my own promise but feel like I am now an obssevie person and don;t like it! My doc is going to try lithium.l I start tommorow. How I wish I could follow thru with my thoughts,. Do others feel this way.  If I could I would be intimate with my husbend everyday. I have a very high drive but he uses it like a game I feel and 1 or 2 times a week if that. I don;t know just feel kinda ieky inside and wanted to write. Thank you for lisneing to my brain go..
Asacol 400 mg 12 a day
Remicade every 6 weeks
Proton ix
Xnanx
Anitriptalyn


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 6/2/2008 8:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi mama2,

Good to hear from you again. I'm sorry you're struggling through some marriage troubles. We all have those, but yours are of course especially tough. I think it was good of you to stick around and try and work it out. Whether you continue to do so is of course up to you. It sounds to me, from what your husband said about the other woman and his comments about you only wanting him for sex, like he wants you to show more interest in him as a person and less as a sex partner. Can you increase the amount of time you spend just talking to him about his interests, his day, the children, what you watched on t.v.? Whatever it takes to connect with him on an intellectual or emotional level that isn't just about sex. I can appreciate that you want more sex, but once or twice a week is pretty normal for an adult. You're right that bp's can have more affairs, and it's impressive that with such a sex drive you've managed to avoid that trap.

Good luck with the lithium and I hope things smooth out for you and the dh.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


mama2
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 42
   Posted 6/3/2008 4:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank You for responding. I will definitly try about the other topics. Its hard becuase I normally am very vocal on how I feel and he is closed off,.I asked him if there was something I can inprove on or do for him to make him feel better. But he says there is nothing and that I am who I am. So it really doesn;t make me feel anybetter. I always try to stay out of the house and take my kids to the beach or the park and try to get him to come with us but its like pulling teeth. I also try'd to get him to take ballroom lesson or go out with him once or twice a month but he always seems to have an excuse. SOmetimes I think all he wants from me is to clean his house watch and do everything with the kids and when he up to it give him the sex. SO sometimes I feel like it is more him then me and when we first got married we would go out on dates and explore and then when the kids came that was it.... Lost just lost. He won't go to marriage councling either with me cause to him there are no problems./
Asacol 400 mg 12 a day
Remicade every 6 weeks
Proton ix
Xnanx
Anitriptalyn


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 6/3/2008 9:54 AM (GMT -7)   
How can there be no problems if he had an affair? That is a major problem. He's shutting you out; that must be massively frustrating. Keep persisting with trying to talk to him about his interests, but marriage counseling sounds like a good plan if you want to keep it together. Press the issue more firmly if you can.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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