I'm lost and confused and I'm feeling quiet alone these days. My fiance is bipolar. When he chooses to take his medicine we never fight but he keeps going off of it. Mainly due to the side effects. His lack of desire for sex. I'd rather not have sex than have the crazy irrational anger that happens when he's off it. But then to be honest that becomes extremely tough. We were great together in the beginning and I probably start becoming resentful. I try to fight it but I'm human.
So he keeps going off it. I realize it immediately. First his sexual desire and then his pure hatred anger towards everyone he loves. Its directed towards me mostly but it also is directed at his children (luckily 18 and 19 and can semi understand). Its ugly and hard.
His goal seems to make everyone near him angry and hurt. I know this is a symptom but I keep getting sucked in. Somedays I'm great with controling it and others I'm imberassed by my actions. I'm getting better after the last two years and almost have it down. but I'm not perfect either. And I have my own explossive agruementative issues.
I think I have myself pretty uncontrol and understand when the warning signs start. I now know when he's gone off his meds. He wont tell me but will acknowledge it if I ask him.
We have a huge issue in our life right now, and I tried talking to him very calmly and rationaly. He blew up with the first word and then went insane. There was no chance for a conversation. I kept trying but luckily I realized I needed to walk away and let him breathe.
He is the love of my life and I'm just lost. I don't know what to do. I cant keep him on his meds ( I think he goes off of them to please me...........due to the side effects)
I dont know what to say. I'm scared, he's the love of my life, my partner but I need to be able to have normalcy. I'm tired of not speaking because he needs silience, listening to the warning signs for him to scream at me, and for me to have a normal conversation that questions something that he suddenly turns into this crazy story in his eyes (with no legitamcy)when I'm simply quietly talking. and trust me I've worked on not being that crazy girl; I've come a long ways also.
I just feel alone and need to know how y'all have delt with this. I love him and do not want to give up; but I'm tired of feeling like the evil ***** that he tells me I am during these episodes.
When he's on his meds we dont fight this way and we can talk. But he seems to go off of them every 3-4 months. And keeps all of his treatment and meds quiet. He doesn't want to open up.
Thanks for listening
Post Edited (justme21) : 6/25/2008 12:14:14 AM (GMT-6)