most people get married to find the things in their partner that are missing in themselves. They are searching for "completeness" because they do not feel complete themselves. I believe that this is the reason for a divorce rate of over 50% in first marriages and 70% in subsequent attempts.
"BUT I LOVE HIM/HER!" As I've asked my granddaughters many times, "Is it love or hormones?" I give my oldest granddaughter credit for trying: she's on her 3rd attempt - and she is just 30 yrs old.
what does this have to do with your situation? i hear you asking. The first question is, "why did you get married in the first place?" The second question is, "what were your expectations from the marriage and from your partner?" Usually, I have found, people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons and with unrealistic expectations. It happened to me 45 yrs ago and it lasted for almost 5 years (because I'm so understanding and patient - and if you believe that I have a bridge I want to sell you ). It was a DISASTER of species-ending proportions!
if i knew then what i know now, i never would gotten married to this woman or i would have been better able to cope with the situation. But time wounds all heals - or something like that.
The question for you, BP or no BP, is what do you want to do and where do you want to go from here. Most people ask for advice so confirm their own beliefs or prejudices. I would wager that you already know what you want to do.
if it's any consolation, statistically, most marriages end at or before the 1st anniversary. If you make it past the 1st, the next statistical spike is at 5 yrs, then 10 yrs, then 15 yrs, then, strangely, at 25 yrs. after 25 yrs, there is not another spike until (if I remember correctly) 40 yrs. At this latter spike, the kids are all grown and the spouses actually have to be alone together. what a shocker!
I hope that this information is helpful for you, Trying. I am providing tough love and a reality check.
Thank you thank you so much wmnak, Serafena and missflip(congratulations on your pregnancy!!) for taking the time to reply to my post. It feels good to know that there are people out there who have their perspective (very important word!) on a situation that you are experiencing.
I know Dh loves me- he just doesn't know how to relate to all of this and I think he is paralyzed by the intense emotions of all of this and just doesnt know what to do (although sometimes I feel that is a cop-out).
When someone is in a place of deep depression- I isolate, dont leave house for wk at a time, dont talk to anyone etc. it is hard to be doing the things I know I need to be doing for myself- I just feel overwhelmed and like giving up.
I do not know at all which direction to go to med wise. I have done research and do not know what to try next. Have been in this 'limbo' of not knowing what to do for close to 2 mo's now. So ANY any suggestions about what to ask the doctor about next are welcome (she wants me on zyprexa-absolutely out of the question- no more weight gain!!!!!! and also gave me samples of symbax-which i also am not willing to take) I have never in the past 7 yrs full out said 'I am not taking that' about any med, until now. I am realllllyy unhappy about my weight right now, which of course contributes to feelings of depression. And then I get upset w/ myself because I am not doing enough to lose weight.! Ack!
Thank you again for taking time to read & post on this.
Post Edited (serafena) : 7/1/2008 3:36:01 PM (GMT-6)
Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 7/4/2008 8:48:52 AM (GMT-6)