Complelety depressed

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mogli
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Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/5/2008 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   
I've been experiencing the downward shift lately, but today it's reached the bottom.  I'm really not wanting to go through this right now.  I know it will cause tension between me and my bf, and since I've been so stable, things between us have been absolutely wonderful.  The symptoms are overwhelming for me right now and therefore are very difficult to hide.
 
My day includes running around & cleaning the house--we're having company tonight.  I can't even bring myself to think of doing any of this.  The energy of course is gone.  I am so deeply depressed, it's agony.  I need a lift somehow.  But, today is just one of those days that I need to just ride it out, not fight it so hard.
 
Anyway, thanks for reading.  I know it's been awhile since I've posted.  Welcome to all the new members.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 250 mg/day


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/5/2008 9:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mogli,

I'm sorry you're feeling so icky today. Did something trigger the depression? Are you feeling anxious about having people over (that happens to me). Is your bf good at helping prepare? Will he share in the cleaning and errands?

(((hugs)))
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/5/2008 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi serafena ((((hugs))))

My new job has been very stressful (for many reasons) and although I am really loving my job, yes the stress is triggering this episode.  On top of that, when I got home last night, my bf was in a bad mood (that's ok...) I asked him what was wrong and he told me nothing and it wasn't in a very nice way.  That in turn made me feel worse, and since then he just seems more angry every second.  We are barely speaking and already I've simply asked him to get up (at noon!!) b/c we have a lot to do and that's just miffed him off even more.  So sharing the duties today is probably out of the question and even if he does help he's going to make sure I know he's mad at me for every minute of it.

Basically I can handle what's bothering me about work; it's him that's making this episode come at me with full force.  So, here is my plan, I guess I'm just going to think of the support I have from here while I'm going about my day.  I'm going to keep my distance from him and just go about getting everything done around here.  I will probably call distress today for sure.  I've been really living every day for the past few months without talking about my illness at all.  So I'll be posting here this weekend and reaching out to what support I have.  I appreciate support, it is much needed right now.

ps-Panic attacks non stop...UGH! 



Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 250 mg/day


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/5/2008 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Ick! I'm so sorry. That sounds really UN-fun. You're right. Think of us. We're pulling for you. Remember in the panic attacks to keep yourself grounded -- where are you, where's you're body? You're not dying, having a heart attack, any of those things -- it's just panic and you can pull through it. Breathe. Slowly. I hope you have fun tonight and all this stress is erased when you are having a good time with your company.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 7/5/2008 2:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Mogs, I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way. BREATHE...and keep up with your action plan. On the relationship front...recognize that BP or not, you do not need to put up with being treated like that. You can VERY SIMPLY say...."I recognize you are not in a good mood, and if you choose not to talk to me about it, that is fine, but please do not take it out on me. I have done nothing that I am aware of to warrant it. Now...we have company coming, and there is much to do, so let's work together and get it all done and have a great time tonight." Then smile sweetly and move forward on your plan. Come here for support of how you are feeling and become teflon to anything that may fly out of your bf's mouth in this mood of his. Let it be HIS issue...NOT YOURS. Keep taking care of yourself, take steps to work your plan and support yourself through it. We're here for you Mogs!!!!!!! LFW

Carenpolar
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 672
   Posted 7/5/2008 2:14 PM (GMT -7)   
 I admire you.. so much==== thinking about the support you have here while you are going about your day.
 
 
 
 
 Caren.. bipolar1.. zyprexa 5mg

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/6/2008 7:00 AM (GMT -7)   
How did your day go, Mogs?
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/6/2008 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks to all of you.  Yesterday just kept getting worse and worse.  Bf and I faught the entire day AND my car is broke down and it's going to cost at least $350 to fix.  I don't have the money AND I don't have a way of getting to work.  I am %100 more stressed out today than I was yesterday.  I am beyond depressed and all I want to do is sleep.

 


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 250 mg/day


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 7/6/2008 10:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Dearest: What goes up must come down. If you've recently experienced a period of stability, you've likely been upbeat and positive. If you haven't allowed yourself to go over the top, your low period likely won't last long. I find summer days especially around the solstice (June 20th), I'm up, sorta way up. Not sleeping, lots of projects on the go and then boom, two weeks later I had a down period of about three days. It's past now and I'm feeling pretty ok. So take heart, fortunately this time of year (for me anyway), the range of moods is kind of muted with less downs and more ups. You need to be kind to yourself, cut yourself some slack. If your BF was a diabetic and was experiencing blood sugar highs and lows, you would cut him some slack, let him rest, fix healthy foods and not make demands. Why should it be any different for us. We have a genetic/biological/chemical challanged disorder. We need to give ourselve permission to take care of ourselves, give ourselves some space. If the friends coming over is a healthy supportive thing, people who are kind and understanding, and you're up for it, go for it. If the whole idea is less appealing than having a root canal, don't. Either bow out gracefully, stating you're not up to the challange, b/c you're under the weather, either tell BF to go on without you, or tell them all it's a bad day, you're ill. We have to advocate for ourselves. We know what's reasonable. Don't try to be superhostess , or superwoman or whatever, to please others. We are a complete package. Along with this disease comes great awareness, great creativity. It's not all doom and gloom. Some days we are very productive, others not so much. Take care of yourself. A fellow traveller. yeah
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