How to start over...

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sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 7/9/2008 4:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi guys,
 
Does anyone have any insight on how to start over with a new therapist after a 7 year relationship? I have new insurance and my current therapist is not contracted.
 
I feel like a part of me is being taken away. I have invested so much into my relationship with her. I don't think I can start over with a new therapist...I know right now I feel very resentful just thinking about trying to start a relationship up with a new one. I cannot afford to see her privately.
 
My therapist called me yesterday to inform me. I was very upset and starting crying. I hung up on my therapist and told her I couldn't talk about it right now. I cried so hard my dog dashed to the back door asking to be let out. My cat jumped off the couch and hid. Normally they try to comfort me, but I guess my blubbering scared the crap out of them.
 
Any advise would be appreciated. sad
 
 

closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/9/2008 5:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know how hard it is to find a good therapist. I had one years ago...he worked in the practice my pdoc was in, but I switched pdocs. I didn't know with my insurance you have to see the pdoc and therapist from the same practice. Anyway I still haven't found a new therapist. Been to a few, but haven't clicked with any...some of their styles are just not for me. My suggestion would be to maybe ask your old therapist for a referal to someone else. I don't know if she'd do it, but it's worth a try. Maybe she knows a therapist that's similar to her style. That's the only thing I can think of...or you could ask your pdoc for a referal...that's all I can come up with. Keep us updated and good luck!
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, and in the process of being diagnosed with crohns. Too many meds to list!


azteacher
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 80
   Posted 7/9/2008 8:36 AM (GMT -7)   
My husband tells me all the time to try to not get upset over things that are beyond my control, which I often do. Tis is one of those this that is beyond your control. You can't do anything about it. Yes, it's upsetting. You are ending a 7 year relationship with someone, even if it is with your therapist. I would say the best thing to do is to start asking for recommendations from people. That is how I found my therapist. I am new to the city where I live and some coworkers recommended her. I love her! Hang in there. This may end up being one of those positive things that you dont quite see right now, but will see in the future.

sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 7/9/2008 11:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you Closure and azteacher for you suggestions.

I understand about getting referrals to new therapists, I am just curious where/how does one start this new relationship. That is what I don't know how to do.

I guess I have just built up so much trust with my therapist and she knows so much of my history that makes me who I am today...I'm just afraid of losing that and wondering how this new process will affect me.

I'm exhausted just thinking about how to start this new relationship. It sounds like a lot of energy needs to be put into it and I can't do that right now, but I do need to see a therapist on a regular basis.

 


missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 7/9/2008 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey sukay! I had to do the same thing you are having to do at one time. What helped me find a new one was that I asked my therapist to recommend another one for me. Since she knew my personality and all she was able to recommend someone with whom I was able to start over with. You could try that if you want to. She may be able to help you find someone too.

Hang in there. I know how hard it is to start over like that. I also had her to send a copy of my file to the new one so she could read over it before our first visit which made it easier too. Then I didn't have to go over everything again so much.

Good luck. Always here.

Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/9/2008 5:10 PM (GMT -7)   
missflip has a good idea...definitely try to get your records sent to the new therapist when you find one. that way, hopefully, they'll read it so you don't have to repeat your whole life story to someone new. unfortunately sometimes you have to go through everything again and it does suck especially when you only get like an hour with someone so it takes a few visits to get everything out. I'm not going to lie...7 years with a therapist is a hard thing to lose. It will be hard to get a connection with someone new and there's really no way but to start over.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, and in the process of being diagnosed with crohns. Too many meds to list!


marthamae
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 7/9/2008 5:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Try to stay positive if you can. I went to the same guy for thirteen years. Then he moved. I was devastated. I switched to a new guy and didn't like him. I switched again and totally LOVE my new guy. Much better fit. My first guy had me rehashing my childhood on and on. As my new guy said..."it's time we move on..." He is so right!

Chin up...time for a new psychiatric adventure!!!!!

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/10/2008 10:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Sukay,

I'm so sorry. It's like losing a friend. But marthamae has a good point. Once you get past the grieving, there is the opportunity for a positive move here too. A fresh perspective can turn up some new insights.

How to do it: so far, the referrals, the files, those are great ideas. But where to start, that's up to you. What's most important to you? It's like dancing with a new partner -- you have to see how the beat goes, how he/she works.

Take a couple of weeks to grieve, if you need, but don't wait too long. You know how crucial the therapy is to your wellbeing.

Good luck, we're here for you.
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Casem
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 7/10/2008 10:24 AM (GMT -7)   
hi Sukay,
I just wanted to say that Im so sorry you have to go through this. It must be so stressful and sad. I would grieve and feel like I lost my right arm for awhile if I had to change therapists. I would then try and take all of the wonderful things I have learned from him/her and apply them to this situation.....just think that your relationship has prepared you for this moment....and this next relationship may be even better. Any change is scary, though, and I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

You are in my thoughts!
 
Casem
 


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 7/10/2008 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Sukay, I have a couple of thoughts on this...1. I know that therapists go on and off plans all the time, and if you have to change plans because of work...etc., suddenly you are in this quandry...BUT...there are a few ideas. Ask your therapist of 7 years if she will charge you less than her billed rate if you pay cash in order to continue seeing her. My S's therapist with our insurance change (who I am now seeing too) said yes, and while everyone else gets billed at 150- per hour, we pay 100- cash the day of the appointment. So maybe you can make an arrangement like that too. Also, I created payment arrangements with my S & H's pdoc...so every month we pay a set payment towards the bill. When things are going good and they see him less, we catch up, maybe setting up a situation like that is available...Lastly, because he only sees him bi-monthly, it helps control the costs that it would have been if he was "in" network would have been our co-pay. Now while those were ideas to find a way to stick with her....here are the #2 thoughts. While it is heartbreaking that a change may have to take place, I think the suggestion that someone made to you about having your therapist look at the "in" network list and help you find a new one is a great idea. You can also grant permission for them to speak together about your case, and your current therapist can fill your new one in on a lot of stuff and help participate in getting her up to speed on the history part of your case. You can also ask for the first few months that they consult together regularly until you feel you have made the adjustment and are ready to fully transition. Someone else pointed out that while on the surface it is sad, it also may hold some GREAT new things for you in the end if you stay open to it. I agree with that.

I like you get attached to people and have a real hard time making these kind of changes with doctors, therapists, dentists...etc. But sometimes, while I can't see it at the beginning....it does turn out to be a really great thing. Hang in there my dear....breathe your way through it and openly discuss your feelings with your therapist and see what you come up with. She may even have some ideas for you. And if it takes paying out of pocket for a few sessions "out" of network to do this right....just do it. Your wellbeing is worth that. HUGS...LFW
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