miserable...too much going on

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closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/13/2008 7:02 PM (GMT -7)   
So I really need support tonight. I've been in quite the funk since I was taken off my zyprexa a couple of months ago and put on lamictal. I know I'm not on a high enough level of lamictal...I'm only on 100mgs. I had an appt last month to possibly increase my dosage, but I've been severely sick and couldn't make it out of the house, or even the bathroom if you really want to know. Anyway my physical health problems are adding up, I don't have any answers...just a bunch of tests and a lot of waiting. I'm beyond frustrated and wish I could go into more so you guys have more of an idea how to support me, but I'm too sick to keep typing at the moment. I'm just getting more and more depressed every day and I don't know what to do. sad
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, and in the process of being diagnosed with crohns. Too many meds to list!


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/13/2008 7:05 PM (GMT -7)   
oh...I forgot to mention the family problems I've been having. I've eliminated one family member from my life just recently. My father's extremely sick and needs help at home, but I can barely take care of myself so I'm no help and I feel really guilty about that. He has no wife or significant other and I'm an only child. His brother and sisters are doing nothing which is part of the reason I stopped contact with the one aunt this week. I just had to add that...it's very important in this whole thing.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, and in the process of being diagnosed with crohns. Too many meds to list!


azteacher
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 80
   Posted 7/13/2008 8:08 PM (GMT -7)   

I'm srry you're going through such a tough time right now. 

I wish there was more that I could say to make you feel better, but at leat knw that I am here for you.


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/13/2008 8:40 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks azteacher. I just don't know what to do anymore...feeling very overwhelmed at the moment.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, and in the process of being diagnosed with crohns. Too many meds to list!


Diskus
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 7/14/2008 7:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Closure- Please just try to hang in. Regardless of how bad you feel right now, you have to remember that there are better times around the corner. I've seen first hand what a bitc* these med adjustments are. With lamictal, if you do too much too soon, you risk that terrible rash, etc. Keep up hope though...this could be your drug, you know? Give it time. Do not feel guilty re: your aunt. You're well within your right to be selfish during this period.

closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/14/2008 8:54 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks diskus *hugs*
 
I'm just so sick of being sick...it's like the never ending battle. I don't wait well and I'm in the middle of a sit and wait game it seems. I'm trying to take control of my health care though so I've been up all morning calling docs and attempting to get the help I need.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/14/2008 11:15 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry you're feeling so awful, closure. Definitely try and get back to the psych as soon as you can. I know the world of doctor after doctor gets old, but you're right to keep trying to get help. You have to take care of yourself or else you're not going to be much of a help to your dad. Keep at it.

Good luck,

(((hugs)))

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


azteacher
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 80
   Posted 7/14/2008 11:18 AM (GMT -7)   
I hope you're feeling a little bit better today...

(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/14/2008 1:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Not feeling better today unfortunately. My physical problems are more out there than my emotional ones at the moment. I'm not as depressed as I was yesterday, I could still cry if set off though...I'm just getting very frustrated and have a sense of hopelessness. I'm waiting for a call from my colon doc to see if he wants me hospitalized because of how sick I've been the past two days. It's just been horrible and no one wants to help me...they just tell me to wait for my colonoscopy which isn't until July 31. I've been to the ER twice and all they do is give me an IV and send me on my way telling me to again wait for the colonoscopy. If this doc calls back and tells me to go to the ER I refuse. I hate sitting in that waiting area, which could take hours, and then the last two times they just sent me home anyway. So I'm hoping I get any answer other than "go to the ER". I don't want to be hospitalized, but I don't know what else to do. I'm just getting worse and my body can't take much more.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/14/2008 2:18 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks mommy2ethan. at the moment I can't do much of anything. I mean I post a lot on here, but what you guys don't know is I'm running to the bathroom constantly with stomach problems in between posts or even in the middle of posts. so I'm either here, in bed, or in the bathroom. fun stuff, huh? I do scrapbooking from time to time...I'm addicted to pictures...but everything has pretty much taken a backseat to all my medical issues. I called my pdoc a while ago and they refuse to do anything over the phone and the soonest I can get in is July 24. I can't really be put on the cancellation list because I don't have transportation...they call you usually within an hour of when you would need to be there. If I knew like a day in advance or something I could find a ride, but they don't really do that. I've explained to them that I'm sick, physically, but they don't care. Oh well. so I post here for support and to try to take my mind off of things, I live in the bathroom...I should put a tv in there!...and try to sleep when possible.

oh and the colon doc's office got back to me. no ER, but basically no anything. no tips on what I can do to feel better or to stop my problems...I have to do a stool sample tomorrow. another test, another thing to wait for. at least they're trying though I guess.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


azteacher
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 80
   Posted 7/14/2008 2:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Please know that I am thinking about you today and sending positive energy your way

closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/14/2008 2:38 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks azteacher...it means alot.

I know it might seem weird to some, but honestly this place and you guys offering support really does help my mood. Most people in my life don't understand bipolar disorder or any mental conditions so it's nice to come here and have people to relate to and have people offer support. All I hear from most people in my life is how I'm on too many meds, that psychiatry is for crazy people, or that it's not even a real science. Like they try to talk me out of seeing a pdoc! Very frustrating. So now I don't talk to many people about it. All I look for is some support, not some Tom Cruise type rant about psychiatry. UGH!
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/14/2008 6:55 PM (GMT -7)   
aww...thanks mommy2ethan. you're right about that cycle...pain=depression, depression=more pain it seems. my poor boyfriend. I can't do anything...not that he has much time with working full time and going to school full time, but it would be nice when he did have the time that I could go out and do stuff with him. when he's here all I do is stay in bed so that sucks too. he says he understands and stuff, but I know it's hard on him too. so of course there's a little bit of guilt there. oh and another guilt inducing situation is with my dad. I feel so bad that I can't help him more. I can't take care of myself most days though.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/15/2008 6:43 AM (GMT -7)   
getting ready to go to my quack of a family doctor. I have no choice though. I found a half dollar size lump behind my ear today and normally I'm not a hypocondriac or anything, but with all my health problems lately I'm thinking the worst. I'm hoping she'll just tell me it's some kind of pimple, but I don't know. it's not red or purple...feels like a bone it's so hard and it's pretty big. I don't know what made me touch behind my ear...please keep your thoughts with me and hope it's nothing.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/15/2008 10:52 AM (GMT -7)   
got no answers...I'm beyond upset. it's not a pimple or anything like that. she *thinks* it's a lymph node that's either inflammed or infected...or there's something wrong in my body. does she want to investigate? no. she said it's strange because since it's only on one side it would indicate that maybe something was going on on that side of my head, but she said I would've noticed it by now...that there was something wrong. so she said wait 3 friggen weeks and if it's still there then she'll investigate. I really don't like this, but I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. If it's something serious and she dropped the ball again I'm reporting her. she didn't even do bloodwork or anything. it's so big my glasses don't fit properly so my vision's all screwed up giving me a major migraine. plus it hurts...I assumed it was just my TMJ bothering me all this time, but after she was done pushing on it and everything it hurt like heck. I don't know anymore. I'm getting scared.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/15/2008 11:27 AM (GMT -7)   
anyone out there to offer some support? I'm really feeling worried/depressed/hopeless. *cry*
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/15/2008 1:13 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks hon. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/15/2008 1:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I've got to go lay down. I've got a killer headache and a severe pain behind my left eye. I'm assuming it's because my glasses are sitting crooked and I'm straining my eye so much. I wish I just knew what this stupid lump is. I guess my aunt had something similar when she was a teen...hers was a cyst and she had to have it removed. without any investigating though I won't know what it is. very frustrated.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


azteacher
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 80
   Posted 7/15/2008 1:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't know if you're still on but I'm here too. I just put DD down for a nap. I can IM too if you want. Let me know.

M73
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 7/15/2008 4:17 PM (GMT -7)   
closure, I hope you feel better soon.

I gotta say I read your posts a lot, I find myself nodding all the time cause I really do know what you're going through at the moment. Being in-between effective doses of meds.

It all passes, I know this. Not to be flippant but I always told myself regarding the way I am that at least I'm never stuck in a mood too long, of course the ever-constant changing mood has its own drawbacks

Anyhow, my own husband thinks a beer cure all ails, doesn't understand psychiatry either and is always telling me I'm fine, just moody. Not helpful although he may mean well.

I don't drink anyhow so I don't even know what he is on about half the time.

I went to a bipolar support group last night cause I needed some interaction with people who were like me. When your stomach gets better and if you can tolerate a situation like that, give it some thought. I felt much better after.

closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/15/2008 5:12 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks guys. *hugs*

I think I'm going to call my quack of a doc AGAIN tomorrow and really plead my case for blood work. I really want to know my blood cell counts and with all the possible illnesses I have knowing these numbers will help my other doctors. it's not normal to have a lump the size of a huge marble behind my ear and that's exactly what it feels like...a really big marble.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


little b
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 7/15/2008 5:20 PM (GMT -7)   
sounds like a cyst. i had one in front of my ear once. ugh it was annoying. now i have one on my ovary and this one's a LOT more annoying. removal is simple though when they're external. =)
to suffer is not enough.


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/15/2008 5:23 PM (GMT -7)   
I have cysts on my ovaries all the time so I know what you mean! I have PCOS...polycystic ovarian syndrome and it causes multiple cysts. not fun at all! luckily I've never had to have one surgically removed though.

considering another trip to the ER. maybe they'd do something for me since my doc won't. I just can't stand having no answers.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


little b
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 7/15/2008 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   
what? your doctor won't do anything for you?
to suffer is not enough.


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/15/2008 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   
not for this lump behind my ear. I don't know what to do...my normally supportive boyfriend thinks I'm making a big deal over nothing...he likes my current family doc while I think she's a quack. she's just dropped the ball too many times and I don't trust her now. my mom's lecturing me too...she's not really someone to listen to though...her reasoning..."I went years without having my symptoms checked...then I had cancer". She's saying it like it's better not to know. I have to go lay down...I'm getting all stressed out, I'm still really sick with stomach problems, and I've still got that migraine because of my glasses.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!

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