Hmmmm, where do I begin? I live in a small town. I have to travel to see a Psychiatrist. There are only 2 to choose from. I was seeing the other Pdoc a few years ago. He liked to hear the sound of his own voice I think. He'd drone on and on about this , and that. He also like his prescription pad. Every time I saw him, he'd write new prescriptions for me. I use to see him weekly. It got to the point that I was taking so many different meds that I was like a zombie pretty much all of the time. I couldn't function as a human being. Out of a 24 hour period, I had maybe 4 hours that I could actually think for myself. I finally stopped all treatment out of frustration. I was spiralling into a deeper depression because I couldn't function in every day life. I stopped all of the meds, went through the withdrawls and started to feel fine. I thought everything was ok until I started to have rapid cyclling episodes. I ended up not being able to deal with every day life. I contacted child protective services and had my children put into protective custody because I was afraid of what I might do to them. I had such violent mood swings at the time. My kids were in their early teens. Through CPS, I started seeing a wonderful psycologist, along with my children and we slowly started to work towards making me better. The psycologist made a referral for me to see another Pdoc. I have been seeing him now for about 2 years or so. He is a very quiet, soft spoken person....very reserved. Now, the trouble with this is, I find it very difficult to express my feelings, and he doesn't ask alot of questions. Our appointments usually last no longer than 10 minutes. I find this very frustrating and just don't know how to express myself to him.
I'm taking Lithium 300 mg in the morning and 450 mg at bedtime....along with 1/2 Clonazepam 0.5 mg at bedtime. I also have Ativan Sublingual 1 mg for anxiety, to take as needed, which isn't often thankfully. I was taking Temazepam 30 mg at bedtime because I wasn't sleeping and sometimes suffer from bouts of insomnia, but 2 months ago, my Pdoc asked me to stop taking them because he thought that I didn't need them. I still have sleep problems and find that I have restless sleep patterns just before I have manic episodes. When I try and relay what I think I have been experiencing....i.e....manic episodes....rapid cycling etc....I get the impression that my pdoc don't believe me. I usually leave the office feeling ignored. Now maybe that's just my imagination, I really don't know. I was taking 1200 mg of Lithium, but I had so many side effects that the doc decided to try something different. Unfortunately, I'm prone to side effects and the other medications I tried, didn't work. I was recently taking Risperidal, and I was like a mad woman while taking it. My moods were so severe that I attacked my husband one evening to try and get the phone away from him because he wanted to call an ambulance for me. I told my Pdoc this, and he didn't even bat an eyelash. He simply said, we'll need to try something else...that's when he started me on the Lithium again. My hair is still falling out and I have a very short memory, which are 2 of the side effects that I had when I was taking the higher dose of Lithium. I just don't know where to turn or what to do anymore.
Any suggestions? I'm open to almost anything!
oh, I almost forgot...I see my Pdoc tomorrow at 1pm.
Sorry for rambling on but it feels good to finally vent my frustrations.
Lithium; Clonazepam; Ativan