Just in a funk...boring rant...ignore if you're busy!:)

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marthamae
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 7/16/2008 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm 49, bipolar 2 and feeling pretty sorry for myself today. I've had a ton of health problems this past year but most of those are under good control now and I'm physically feeling pretty decent.
 
I have a lot of good things going in my life:
I got my teaching certificate back last year after 20 years of being at home.
My three teens are basically healthy and happy (for teens, that is!)
I've been married 22 years and we get along pretty well.
My psych meds are working okay.
I have two good girlfriends.
I let my house really go when I was in a bad depression last year, but in the last two months I have worked my butt off and it is now in pretty good shape. I was feeling guilty that the house was too dirty to have people over but now that is not an issue. I'm also cooking dinner most every night. These are big improvements over when I was depressed.
I also lost 35 pounds due to an illness....I needed to lose it.
 
The stressors in my life:
My husband is somewhat of a packrat and his clutter gets on my nerves. It seriously adds to my stress level.
 
I wanted to teach in my own classroom this year, but I am not stable enough. I'm not consistently feeling good in the mornings. It's going to be back to subbing again this year for me. I feel I have let myself down in this area. Subbing is a lonely job as you don't make friends at work. I'd like some nice co-workers to be friendly with.
 
We have plenty of money saved for retirement but we have a cash flow problem as we are putting a child through college on a cash basis and helping out an elderly mother in law. We pay all our bills but getting anything new is tight. It's hard to pay off our credit card bill each month. We have excellent credit and our mortgage and this one credit card is the only money we owe but it still stresses me out. We own four cars and one of them always needs fixing, for example. I was hoping to go back to teaching full time to make more money, but that's not gonna happen. We also had about 14K in out of pocket medical bills last year. This was just co-pays, etc. It was a tough year for us.
 
I don't exercise and I still could use to lose about 30 more pounds. Now I look okay the way I am. I look sort of normalish large. Not fat any more. I wear a 12 which for me is a decent size and I am proud of it. I'm very tall. But for my health I could drop some more weight.
 
I feel lonely but am terrified to make friends. I know I'll just screw it up when I have another BP episode. I'm too old and tired to start fresh with people.
 
I KNOW that so many here have troubles much worse than mine. I am just feeling very sad and needed somewhere to vent. Thanks for listening.
 
 

little b
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 7/16/2008 11:23 AM (GMT -7)   
ugh depression puts me in the worst funk. i don't do schoolwork, i don't clean my room, i don't clean myself, i don't keep up with appts, i break all my plans, it's horrible. sounds like you need a good therapy session. i'm only 18 so thankfully i don't have any grown up problems yet, so i can't really give you any advice on those. i can say, though, that eating more FRESH vegetables, drinking LOTS more water, and cutting out a few servings of meat (esp. red meat and proccessed meats like hot dogs) can do WONDERS for your body. digestion will improve, you'll feel happier, you'll have more energy, it's amazing. seriously. and the two most important things are FRESH VEGETABLES AND LOTS OF WATER. totally works. =)

and if you're lonely, you could rescue a dog from a shelter. depending on where you live prices vary, but it'll probably be around $50-$100 to adopt, and cheaper if you get the pet neutered or spayed! seriously, i love my rescue. she's a funny looking mutt and she's the happiest little thing i know.

hope things get better, keep your head up =)
to suffer is not enough.


marthamae
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 7/16/2008 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   
awww thanks little b--


i will def drink some more water and do better on the vegies. It is funny about the dog...we just adopted a stray kitty from our local vet. She is an all black cutie but she is a hider so far under the beds. When she comes out to play she goes crazy.

I think i might call my tdoc and see him...it might help.

thx for your reply...it's nice to "talk" to someone.

hugs

azteacher
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 80
   Posted 7/16/2008 11:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Are there any schools in your area that have permanent sub positions where you could make coworker friends? For example, you would be the only sub at a particular school. Or do you have part-time positions in your district? For example in my district if a coworker and I want to split a full time position and share a room we could do that. Like she could work Tuesdays and Thurdsays and I could work Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays or whatever you two agree upon. I don't know if that makes sense. Sometimes my meds dont make my thoughts come out clearly :) I'm a firm believer in having a good friend or two, especially if they know and understand what you are going through. I am so fortunate that my mentor at work is not only on the same meds as I am, she teaches almost the same subject, and is now my workout buddy. I seriously could not go through this without her. Could you maybe find a support group in your area?

Also, as far as the clutter goes, go out and buy a bunch of those big huge tupperware bins and just start putting stuff in them and LABEL (important step). You will feel so much better.

marthamae
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 7/16/2008 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi azteacher,

No, they don't have that deal where you can only sub at one school unless you request that. For example, I can say..."hey I will only sub at schools, A, B, and C," but then that limits how often I will be called. If I get to be known at a certain school, I will get requested from there a lot.

The part-time positions are more for existing teachers with small babies...that's what it seems like to me.

I did do a long term sub job (4 months) last spring and I made friends there, but it was very depressing when I left. All of the others were talking about the next year, etc and I felt very sad.
I'm so glad you have a good friend to talk to:)

I may just get a bin for the clutter...you are right!

little b
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 7/16/2008 2:01 PM (GMT -7)   
and actually, cleaning and organizing can be very theraputic. like i said, i never do that stuff when i'm depressed. so when i feel really anxious after a while of doing absolutely nothing but sitting in my room on my computer, i'll start to look around at all the junk on the floor and decide to take on the project. it gets your mind off silly things that never seem to go away when you're doing nothing. and after you're done you feel accomplished and uplifted. =) who knows, maybe you'll get totally inspired and paint all the rooms in your house a new color. haha but that's a lot of work...
to suffer is not enough.


marthamae
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 7/16/2008 2:15 PM (GMT -7)   
I have cleaned and decluttered most of my house. There are just a few areas that are sort of my husband's own spots. I don't mess with these. Like: his half of the closet, his sink and cupboard in the bathroom, a couple of closets downstairs, and his nightstand. Also, the family built in desk area is sort of "his". Well, and the garage. No way am I touching that. He also has stuff stacked in the laundry room. Until recently he was storing stuff in the SINK in there. I told him I was planning on turning the water on daily in there.

He has a way of stacking stuff up. I'll come home and there will be random stuff all over the kitchen counter. Paperwork, etc. So I calmly gather it up and set it on the desk. Or he'll stack his worn clothes around the bedroom. So I'll gather those up and put them neatly in a stack on a chair in his side of the closet. He doesn't leave trash around, but he stacks stuff everywhere. He currently has five or six stacks of books by his nightstand. Our bedroom is nice and calm and decluttered except for this. He's big on stacking stuff in our entryway which I hate because when someone comes in the front door, that's what they see. He stacks it and I keep moving it. He has a nice armoire with doors which is all his in our bedroom where he can keep books so I don't get why they have to be on the floor by the bed.

I think it's like a head game for him. A power thing. He's got plenty of storage space and spots to put things in.

Are there any packrats out there who can tell me why he likes this clutter thing?

CapninHapnin
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 7/16/2008 3:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Martha.

I think you have accomplished wonderful things in your life.

I have one suggestion. We did this when my son went to college. We went on a cash basis too. However, we would take out student loans and invest the cash. Right now is an excellent time to get in the stock market as it is low. The student loans had an interest rate of 2.9%. The 3,5, and 10 year average of our mutual funds was an average 7.2%. so we made money even as my son was in school. Then when my boy graduated, we paid off all the student loans.

Just a suggestion. it worked for us.

Cap
I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.

I used to be crazy, but now I have enough money to be called eccentric.

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