bad night, need to vent

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little b
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 7/16/2008 10:14 PM (GMT -7)   
so i wasn't supposed to talk to or see my ex for a week; every time i talked to him i would get really down.
 
well, of course i couldn't stop. i have horrible willpower. anyway, he called me tonight and i offered to give him a ride to a party, then he called once i was on my way to his house and said he had to do some things first and he'd hang out with me later at the party. i offered to wait for him,  but he got really defensive and flat out refused any compromise. his house was totally out of my way so i had an extra long drive to my friend's house; i thought he'd make it up to me, though, when we saw each other.
 
WELL. i got to the party and his ex whom he dated for two years was there. BIG surprise, i had no idea who invited her. but whatever. so he didn't really talk to me lke he said he would. he was really short with me, which is pretty much how he's been lately. then i walked up and tried to talk to him but he left me standing there to go talk to his ex. i was crushed. i was about to leave, but i made the mistake of going to talk to him first. i was heated. i really thought i was going to punch him in the face (i think i'm a little manic now, plus i had some beers in me =/). he took me to acorner of the yard where everyone was still in earshot and started yelling and cussing at me about how i never listen to him and i keep getting the wrong ideas and how i need to stop and i'm annoying him and it's over it's over it's over and he wouldn't hug me goodbye and it was just a disaster. seriously, everyone heard him yelling at me. and i was being quiet and calm the whole time. my personality is pretty passive. not a good thing in this situation.
 
i still wish i would have punched him one good time before i left. grrr, that mean old jerk put me in tears.
to suffer is not enough.


azteacher
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 80
   Posted 7/16/2008 11:00 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry he was such a jerk to you B. I know it's so much easier said that done but you just need to avoid him. I was the same way with my ex boyfriend though. I would do anything he asked me to do. Just be strong, girl!

closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/17/2008 12:18 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry hon! You definitely don't deserve that and he definitely doesn't deserve you! Maybe tonight will be the motivation to keep you from seeing/talking to him? *hugs*
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


little b
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 7/17/2008 4:58 AM (GMT -7)   
he called me on his way home and i ended up staying the night with him. =( feel kinda guilty but he bought me breakfast =)

he also let me talk to him for a while and get some things out, which felt so good.

but i do need to avoid him. ahh thanks guys.
to suffer is not enough.


CapninHapnin
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 7/17/2008 7:01 AM (GMT -7)   
I sorry, but it sounds to me like he set you up. He must be very cruel. I certainly hope this doesn't upset you, little b, because I really like your personality you have exhibited on these boards and I care about you. Plus, I could be completely wrong because this is just speculation. But did his other ex refuse him before he called you? I tend to think the jerk was using you for back up based on his behavior at the party. Please realize, this is not a criticism of you, but an indictment of your ex. Stop wasting your time with that boob, he only wants to hurt you for his own selfish needs.
I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.

I used to be crazy, but now I have enough money to be called eccentric.


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/17/2008 7:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh, boy. That is a bad situation. He is totally taking advantage of you, little b. You need to break it off once and for all, now. He yelled at you at the party and then called you to stay with him? I don't want to make YOU feel bad -- he should be ashamed. But you need to know he's giving you very mixed messages and taking advantage of the fact that you're still in love with him. He doesn't want to be together, which he told you clearly. But he still likes the nighttime company. Is that what you want to be for him? Breakfast doesn't cut it. He owes you an apology and either to get back together with you or cut it off completely.

I'm so sorry if this seems harsh. I mean you only the best. You DESERVE so so so much better.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/17/2008 10:02 AM (GMT -7)   
thinking of you hon! Cap and serafina bring up excellent points. *hugs*
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


M73
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 7/17/2008 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Breakfast doesn't cut it, ditto.

An apology doesn't cut it in my book either if it isn't backed up with some behavioral changes.

The way I always feel about these things is, yea, I'm bipolar, doesn't mean my relationships have to be. A stable one can bring a lot of peace, an up and down, here and there one which worsens self-esteem can aggravate an already difficult diagnosis.
bipolar II, lamictal and klonopin cocktail.

-We'll keep pushin' till it's understood
and these badlands start treating us good


little b
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 7/17/2008 12:51 PM (GMT -7)   
trust me, it's a difficult situation. all your words are empowering though haha. and he is definitely taking advantage of the company i'm willing to give him...

this was his reasoning for yelling at me the way he did: "i wasn't trying to be mean, i just want to move on. and that's the only way i know how to move on."

my reply? if you have to be mean to someone to get over them, do you really think it's time to get over them?

i know for SURE we need a break from each other. we saw each other every single day, and i think we got to the point where we didn't mind hurting each other's feelings because we were just in such close quarters all the time.

i just can't forget the fact that, when it's good, it's very, very, very, very good. but when it's bad, it's absolutely terrible.

i think i'm at the point now, though, where i'm willing to be just friends and lessen communication. in the middle of our relationship he got into trouble with the law and was also put into the hospital's psych ward for five days, and he came out a completely different person. he's stressed out about a lot. he needs less on his plate and he doesn't want to have to stress about a girl. and i'm the kind of girl that comes with some extra baggage... =/

all i know is i feel much better not worrying about him as much; we've been barely talking lately. so i guess this is how it will go until something else breaks...
to suffer is not enough.


little b
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 7/17/2008 12:52 PM (GMT -7)   
cap, serafena, m73, everybody

the seemingly harsh words are coming from a place of love, i know. =) i don't take them personally. i take them logically. well i try to.
to suffer is not enough.


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/17/2008 1:03 PM (GMT -7)   
hon...I love you to death. from what I know of you, you're a great girl. trust me when I say this...I've been in your situation. this might be another one of those "harsh" posts, but I don't intend it to be at all. like always I'm just going by what I've heard from you so I might not know it all and don't mean to come off like I do. please don't take offense.

you're twisting the situation to suit your needs. he's said he's trying to move on. he told you just today, maybe yesterday, that he was trying to move on and being mean is the only way he knows how to do it. you take that as him loving you still and that's why he can't move on. the reason he has to be mean to you is because you won't let him move on. he has to be mean to you to get YOU to move on. while it's not the right approach, obviously no contact on his part would be the best thing, this is the only way he sees he can do this...get the point across to you. I don't know how old he is...but if he is around your age, guys are still pretty...I don't know how to say it without offending any guys...selfish, maybe? he obviously wants to move on, but at the same time he wants to take advantage of the fact that you're willing to do whatever he wants. sweetie...breakfast is not a way to repay you for anything.

I'm sorry...I've been in your situation. Friendship right now should not be an option. You are still too wrapped up in him to be friends and he's still too "selfish" to be a friend without using you. I'm not saying you can never be friends, but right now is not the time. Maybe a few years from now, yes, I know that seems like an eternity, but it's for the best. Please try your best to look at what we are telling you and know that it's coming from the heart AND from experience. *hugs*
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


little b
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 7/17/2008 1:08 PM (GMT -7)   
you know, i seem to know all of this stuff in the back of my head, but i just don't want to admit it. *sigh*

don't worry, i don't take offense. like i've said before, i listen to my elders, even if they're still under 30. ;D

it sucks being lonely after you've had someone right there for so long =/ you're right though, he's still pretty selfish. he's 21 so he's definitely still a little scared of commitment and such. merrrrrrrrr idk

it just sucks. that's all i can say. ha.
to suffer is not enough.


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 7/17/2008 1:11 PM (GMT -7)   
lol...I'm an elder! never thought of it that way. thanks for making me feel old...next you'll be calling me madam lol.

it's better to be lonely than to be treated like crap...just my opinion. and if he doesn't want a commitment nothing you do can change that. you can't change anyone. it does suck...not to sound corny, but time heals all wounds. you need time away from him and it will get better. plus you need to love yourself before you love someone else. just thought I'd throw a few sayings at you. lol.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Too many meds to list!


little b
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 7/17/2008 1:15 PM (GMT -7)   
haha thanks. you shouldn't feel old, you're just wiser. i kind of can't wait to get there myself but i know i need to enjoy these years while i can.

and you're right. i'm just slow-moving when it comes to things like this. =/
to suffer is not enough.


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 7/17/2008 5:42 PM (GMT -7)   
A couple of books out there that helped cure me of my compulsion to date "damaged", unavailable emotionally, men. Smart Love (sorry, I forgot author) Women who love too much, and best of all Melody Beattie wrote tombs on the subject. I keep "The Language of Letting Go"by my bed. I've probably given away a dozen copies. Love can be an addiction, a very dangerous addiction. Take care.

M73
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 7/17/2008 6:20 PM (GMT -7)   
little b, i meant them harshly towards him not you, I don't feel you're wrong, in fact I feel that he is being a word I can't use here. I dislike when people think they can get away with something, I suppose I have a lot of defensive behavior with men.

I'll try to keep that contained better.
bipolar II, lamictal and klonopin cocktail.

-We'll keep pushin' till it's understood
and these badlands start treating us good


little b
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 7/17/2008 8:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Haha thank you ladies.

I just had a very theraputic poetry writing session and I'm feelin good about myself. Moving on is going to be such fun...

Understandable about bitterness towards men. Most of them just don't get it.
to suffer is not enough.


little b
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 7/17/2008 8:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Haha thank you ladies.

I just had a very theraputic poetry writing session and I'm feelin good about myself. Moving on is going to be such fun...

Understandable about bitterness towards men. Most of them just don't get it.

I also have a history with the unavailable types, probably why I have bad karma now! Ha
to suffer is not enough.


azteacher
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 80
   Posted 7/17/2008 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   
I hope you're feeling better about the situation!

CapninHapnin
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 7/18/2008 9:10 AM (GMT -7)   

Little B

I am so sorry I was harsh. I guess I get a bit worked up on situations like this. Although your situation is different, instances such as this bring up bad memories.

Just a small story as to my reaction to your post. My Dad was killed when I was young. My mom was not able to cope and she brought an endless succession of men into our lives. Some were ok, most were losers. Many of them treated my mom as your bf treats you. And some of those jerks she had would eventually start beating on her, then sometimes my on sister and me. That is why I am not real tolerant of these types of scenarios.

When I was in High School, she had a BF she thought she had to have.  He was absolutely worthless. He broke up with her and started to see other women. She would do anything to try to get him back. When the slob ended up in jail, it was my mom he'd call to bond him out and she would. Even though we didn't have the money. She would pawn stuff like our TV, my guitar, my sisters record player. Sold our car. Put us in a real bind over this fool that would leave her the minute after he got what he wanted from her. She would justify it by saying he was not all bad, he was just in some bad circumstances in which she could help out.

I asked her if the situation was reversed and she had a man who was in love with her. But she would treated him like crap until she needed something and this man was the only one who could provide it. Would she feel good about herself? She said absolutely not. But it didn't stop her from chasing this guy. Only thing that stopped it was we had to move away and thankfully he did not come along.

B' I'm not comparing you to my mom. Just explaining my behavior. Please forgive me.

Cap


I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.

I used to be crazy, but now I have enough money to be called eccentric.


little b
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 7/18/2008 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
oh goodness, no need to be sorry cap. i don't really know what to say. my brain is fried. i called him this morning and i've been crying all day. i've got to stop begging for sympathy if i'm going to just bring it on myself though.
to suffer is not enough.

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