I'm having to think on this one.
I'll get back to you when I think I have some good advice.
Right now all I can say is hang in there.
thanks cap and azteacher.
so i guess you both think she definitely is bipolar? can the disease manifest itself in a woman of 44? could it get worse when she hits menopause?
if anybody else would like to respond to these questions -- and, most important, to my lengthy original post -- i would welcome it.
IMO your wife is definitely going through something!
It doesn't sound like a good time to be making any permanent decisions. Don't let her rush you into any decisions right now. It doesn't sound like she is emotionally stable right now.
I would definintely give her some space until you, her and the doctors have a clearer picture of what is going on.
Keep us posted.
thanks for the responses. it helps to get feedback as i have never experienced anything like this before.
serafena, my wife tells me she is still seeing her psychiatrist about once a week to discuss the cocktail of drugs she is taking. i think she is only taking seroquel but i don't know for sure ... maybe some inderal too.
what's weird and frustrating (among all the other things) is that she seems perfectly rational. she's back doing her demanding job and doing it well. when she talks to me she's dispassionate and -- by all exterior indications -- calm; distant but calm. so the logical side of me tells to wise up and move on with my life; still keep the lines of communication open and don't force any issues but at least make a psychological break -- work on the assumption that the relationship is over so i can emotionally turn the corner.
but my heart tells me something is not right -- that her rationale for leaving just doesn't quite add up. so i should just hang there.
living in this limbo is excruciating. one part of me is saying, "you're a sap! how can you ever trust her again? get outta there before you go crazy!" the other part of me is saying, "you had 12 great years of marriage with this woman. you two shared everything together. now suddenly she turns on a dime and says she wants out? something doesn't add up. stay calm, reasonable and patient."
Confusedguy, I will chime in only for a moment. I am the wife to a BP, and a mother to another. Married 16+ years. We have 3 kids. The youngest are 7. Okay....I recognize that most of the feedback you have been getting focuses on the assumption that your wife IS BP from the sound of it. HOWEVER....I think it is WAY too early to know. Here's why...Your wife was taking a lot of hormones attempting to have a baby, not to mention the fact that she had 2 (or 3) miscarriages...again...hormones being totally thrown out of whack. SO...until you wife's chemical system gets cleaned out and back in normal working order for her...I don't think you can know anything for sure. But, with that said there are 2 or 3 other possibilities....1) all the chemicals have triggered a dormant condition of BP that she was genetically pre-disposed of (although...I haven't heard of this – but again…I am no pdoc), 2) the chemicals from the infertility drugs & miscarriages have caused a chemical shift in your wife so she has developed BP (or the “like” type symptoms)...or 3) Your wife emotionally is off as a result of loosing 2 babies she wanted very much and this is how she is coping with the pain. To shut off her feeling about the loss has also shut off her feeling for you. People grieve in all kinds of ways. Now...I am NOT a doctor, and only a VERY qualified pdoc (who takes into account) all the drugs to get pregnant that your wife put in her system for quite a while, along with the changes the pregnancies could have produced - either temporarily or permanent - can make that dx as to really what it is. But for what it is worth I believe it is very early to make decisions on your part. So...what do you do while you are waiting for all this to "play itself out"....exactly what you are suppose to....TAKE CARE OF YOU. Get on with your life - see friends, family...focus on work, a new hobby...whatever you want. That doesn't change you also BEING there for her. Let her know for now, you are not going anywhere...you love her and want your marriage, you are willing to do whatever it takes to help her (and you as a couple if there are problems you need to address together), be there for her, support her...etc. But if she needs space...okay...for now....she can have whatever she needs from you. But....she must also understand...you will not wait forever, that you and your feelings count too, and there will come a moment you may choose out for yourself if this "push/pull" goes on too long. And please understand CG that ONLY you can determine how much you can take...the hurt, loneliness, anger...etc. that will be inevitable here...and how long YOU elect to hang in there. (There is no right or wrong…and no judgment here.)
No matter what the REAL issue turns out to be here, what you are going through is hard. But...it still sounds like a relatively short time that you have been in this new divided upheaval...so BREATHE and assess what you want to do...but don't be hasty about making decisions. If you love your wife, and I believe you genuinely do, than if you elect to try and hold on and figure some of this out...prepare for a bumpy ride for a while. It might also be a good time to work on your self both emotionally and/or physically. My best wishes to you both. LFW
Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 7/22/2008 6:54:53 PM (GMT-6)