Married to a bipolar wife

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KoRn_KoR
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/20/2008 2:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone,
I stumbled accross this site when searching for others going through the same experience that I am, I am newly married and my wife has bipolar. First of all I would like to say that I love my wife with all my heart and soul and would give anything to help her and I will always stand by her no matter what. When we said our vowes at our wedding I meant every word. When we were dating she had told me that she was bipolar, but I had never seen her exhibit any signs of what I knew to recognize. Although after reading a thread on this site that was posted nearly a year ago I found that there are so many more things that I didnt know, as well as many others with similar experiences. Honestly it never was a problem because she had never had any episodes around me so I had no idea what to expect. We had found out that my wife was pregnant and we had to speed up our wedding. With the pregnancy my wife's horomones went a little more than haywire, which I didnt think anything of it other than it was the pregnancy making her moods change so rapidly. However after my wife gave birth to our wonderful son things took a turn. It seemed that every day my wife would be in a worse mood than the day before, there would always be something new she could find wrong with me or something I was doing. Prior to the pregnancy my wife and I had never fought very much and certainly not anything as serious. After the baby came it seemed that my wife had lost interest in me and we fought every day, I know that most new mothers take extreme interest in their first baby and he will take all of her energy,love,patience and stamina. But my wife had literally told me several times she did not need me or want me around. Recently my wife told me she wasnt sure if she loved me any longer, when I asked her what I could have done she could only say it was because I have a negative attitude. Which I too have trouble with depression and anxiety, and lately its been hard to stay positive with my wife being depressed and angry most of the time. The last week has been the most difficult of our marriage, my wife had said that she wasnt sure she wanted to be married anymore and she couldnt handle being touched by me or even in close proximity. I was deeply affected by this and I honestly have no idea what brought this on. We had just gotten back from a camping trip with her sister and her boyfriend, we had a great trip, it was fun and I really felt we were getting close to eachother again. But the next day hell broke loose. This entire last week we havent spoken much to eachother, Ive been trying to give her the space she needs to calm down and be able to talk to me again. On wednesday my wife was going through extreme mood changes, she was angry and screaming at her siblings one moment and then laughing and playing with the baby the next and then moments later she was crying about how she had yelled at everyone then she was happy again and then angry and crying. This went on all day and night, there was nothing I could do for her but be in the same room with her because she wouldnt let me get close to her. This was pretty hard for me because when my wife crys it literally hurts my heart to watch her cry. Ive read on many of these posts how many different meds theyre loved ones take or they take themselves and Im blown away, not because I dont believe it medication or anything like that but because my wife doesn't take anything. She had been taking vitamins like St. Johns Wort and B complex and a few others, but she had to stop taking them when she was pregnant because the doctor told her it would be harmful to the baby. Although Im not positive, I dont believe my wife disclosed to her doctor that she has bipolar so he wouldnt have known to refer her to a pdoc. My wife is also very against taking medication of any kind, she wont even go to a doctor unless its life threatening. She had mentioned recently that she wants to go to a counselor but fears they will only want to medicate her. I assured her that they cannot make her take anything but only make sugestions, however I think at this point it is critical that she see someone for the sake of our marriage and our sons future. My wife knows that she doesnt want to be like this and that its severly effecting our relationship, I cant help but feel that some of her moods are because of something I've done even though I know its the BP. I don't know how to get my wife help seeing as she is a very opinionated and outspoken woman, qualities I love about her but are very difficult to fight against. I want to sugest that she see a pdoc and accomany her to them if she will let me, I know this will inevidably cause a fight but I suppose its a necessary evil at this point. I really dont know what to do, I love my wife and I want to help her, I just want the woman I fell in love with, back.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/20/2008 4:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello KoRn_KoR,

Welcome to HealingWell and the bipolar forum.

You are in a terribly hard position and you have my sympathy. It's never easy being married to we bipolars, and as many of us can tell you, the period right after having a child is really a free-for-all. Our other new member, KKrista, is writing about this issue from the other side of it. Your wife does need to see a doctor. She'll have to be strong to refuse the medication they will undoubtedly try to put her on, if she chooses. But she can ask her doc for a recommendation to a therapist instead. If she refuses to take medication, she must do everything else in her power to manage her disorder and this includes diet, exercise and therapy. She needs to try and get her hormones and her mind back to a more stable place. If you are willing to do counselling with her, then press the issue, follow up by finding the therapist, checking your wife's schedule, making the appointment, getting a sitter, making her go. I know these things are hard if you're having your own trouble with depression and anxiety, but that would tell me that is all the more reason for you guys to get some counselling.

Good luck
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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