I read your post and thought that you sound a lot like me right now!
I understand your frustration. Sometimes don't ya just think you're justified in all this? Like your husband being rude and coughing all over things constantly and not taking and medicine for it and risking everyone else to become sick because they are just ignorant! That exact thing happened to me a few months ago with my husband and son. It was really making me mad and I sure did voice my opinion about it!
Oh and about your server at the restaurant....really there are some that are so lame! But it's alway's "us" that has the problem, right? This irritates me to no end! lol
Anyway,...usually I try to step back and compose myself. When that doesn't work and it has been going on like this for at least a week or two or more....lol....I let my pdoc know about it. Last time he told me to increase my mood stabilizer as needed. As it turned out I had to increase it permanently!
It helped me for a good period of time. Now my husband has recently said to me that I am still "ruffled around the edges" some and would like for me to talk to my pdoc about it and suggested that maybe I start with a new one!!!!
He thinks that this "medication adjustment process" is taking too long and that it is time for me to find a new doctor!
Best of luck to you. I hope some of this info helps?
P.S. I do see a therapist and have discussed this issue with her. She too feels that I am justified a lot of the times but does say that I need to focus on not letting it get the best of me the way it does.
I take Lamictal, Topamax, and Lexapro now. Also Zyprexa Zydis as needed for anxiety. Oddly enough, I don't have anger issues with my bipolar condition - either with the highs or the lows.
Sounds like you have legitmate reasons to be angry though you may feel that your reactions are out of proportion to the causal events.