Bi polar boyfriend parents just told me after 1 year

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something.to.say
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/25/2008 1:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been living with my boyfriend and notice strange things but, didn't really think much of it.  His mother just let it slip that he is bi polar.  He has problems with the turth, money and other symptoms.  The biggest issue is that he seems to have a problem with women.  Since I found out about his cheating he has been great and I have been trying to trust again.  Now that I know he is bi polar I am afraid that my life will be filled with cheating.   I can put up with everything else but, not that.  I am afraid and don't want to desert the man I love.  At the same time is it unrealistic that he can be faithful.  He is on meds I think Lipatrol????
Help  I am in shock and don't really know what to do.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/25/2008 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi something.to.say,

Welcome to HealingWell.

Your first move has to be to talk frankly with your boyfriend. The only way to make this relationship work is to be completely honest with one another. Bipolars can be really great partners, but usually they need to be medicated and in very regular treatment with psychiatrists and therapists. Otherwise you can expect very irregular and unpredictable moods as well as irrational and sometimes hurtful behavior like lying and cheating. How long have you been together that he hasn't mentioned it until now? It's a big deal. You need find out what his treatment plan is (how often does he see a doctor -- it should be once a month to six weeks. What are his meds? How faithfully does he take them? Does he see a therapist? Would he be open to doing so?) It sounds like he tends to be manic, but when was the last time he got depressed (which can be even worse than the mania)? If you are satisfied that he is committed to keeping his symptoms under control, then you're probably safe trying to make it work. It's still going to be hard -- I won't lie. But if he's not committed to a treatment plan, you are probably in for more pain, and you want to think about whether it's worth it.

I hope this is helpful.
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 7/25/2008 3:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Serafena I just wanted to say how much I admire your skill. You nailed it right on the head!
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...-?
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/25/2008 3:14 PM (GMT -7)   
*blushes* Thanks Navy.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


mom2four
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 7/25/2008 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Something-

I hate to comment, because Serafena knows so much more that I do about Bipolar. I think that it should alarm you he / they never told you at all!! I assume you knew him for a while before moving in together, and it seems that at least when you both decided to make that committment that he had an opportunity and obligation to tell you. I am saying this as a person who married a man who never told me, and his family never told me- until way too late! Even now, after so much hell, most of his family denies it, when I feel like their combined encouragement with me (instead of making him think that they are for him and I am against him) could get him into treatment! Anyway, I don't know your particulars, but I would be very careful in a situation where both he and his family were not truthful with you. My husband seemed perfectly fine (I can look back now and see that he was probably in a longer lasting mania, with some slightly obsessive tendencies, but nothing too weird), but his bipolar became "very active" as the therapist puts it after we married, and it only got worse. I won't go into the ugly details, but I would encourage you to speak to his therapist alone for an honest opinion of what you can expect. My husband was and is very convincing and manipulative. He is brilliant man (the therapist says that almost all bipolars are very brilliant), and overwhelms my own reasonings, undoubtedly influenced by what I want to be true, with his logic. Be careful. I'm certain that others here can give you more technical advice, and everyone here will support you whatever you decide. Take care.

mom2four
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 7/25/2008 6:09 PM (GMT -7)   
You may also want to look at a thread from a week or so ago called "Life in Hell with a Bipolar spouse." I really don't think that most of the people who suffer with this behave as badly as my husband or hers (see threads from Loving Frustrated Wife), but you should be aware - I think those that would let you be completely sucked into a committed relationship without telling you about the problem have more to hide. I understand not talking about it in early dating- but living together, marriage- these are relationships that deserve the whole truth. It is completely deceptive and unfair. You should have been given an opportunity to do research and make an educated decision. You probably would still have made the same decision- but you would have known what you were doing, and what to look for, which behaviors to not take personally, when to call the doctor because something was wrong. I don't want to sound too pessimistic for you. There are many bipolar sufferers here who seem to be great spouses and parents, but I would bet that they are also wonderful enough to have "owned it" (as LFW says) before serious relationships, if they had been diagnosed.

something.to.say
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/28/2008 6:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for all of the thoughts. My boyfriend has been on medication for 10 years and seems to be doing relatively well. I dont think that he talks to a therapist and I do think that would be very helpful. I do feel betrayed again that know one felt it was important to share this with me before we became serious. He has a 6 year old boy that lives with him full time so, I am involved emotionally with boyfriend and of course his family. I will keep reading and appreciate the support.
Somethingtosay

CapninHapnin
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 7/28/2008 7:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Something

I have to agree with mom2four. She explained it well so I will not add to it.

His life is very important, but so is yours.

Cap
I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.

I used to be crazy, but now I have enough money to be called eccentric.

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