I need a friend i'm so scared

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''Tunny''
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 8/9/2008 2:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone,
I've been on here before as i'm the ex-partner of my soul mate who suffers from Bp, you won't recognise my log-on though. I've not used the site for sometime as I wanted her to have privacy and be able to turn to others who had been in her shoes and that could speak from experience. Anyway i'm back because she says I need to find help and suggested I came on here now that she is'nt using the site. She ended our relationship yesterday saying she does'nt remember how it feels to love or be in a relationship.
 
I feel so stupid coming on here, I feel like someone walking into a hospital ward full of patients suffering from cancer and all I've got wrong is a stomach ache or something. I have the upmost respect and understanding for a suffer of Bp, the daily battle and the longing for normality. Please don't be angry with me for this post I don't have anywhere else to turn and i'm so scared.
 
The only friend I have in this world is my ex and I can see the pain in her eyes at the moment, I don't want to let her down anymore by holding her back from where she belongs. I'm not worthy of her friendship I would rather hurt myself than for her to see what's left of me.
 
I don't even know what to write. I failed at supporting her as a partner, I want to be the best man I can for her now; she wants a friendship but i'll mess that up too. I just need a friend but I can't turn to my best friend anymore because I can't let her see me not being strong.
 
I just wish it was me with Bp and not my dream come true.
 
I hurt everyone I love.
 
Why her, why did'nt I try harder, how did she forget what it felt like to be loved.
 
My hearts with her, I wish for her sake I did'nt love her.
 
I want to run and hide but I want to know she will be safe, I want her to be proud of me, I miss my best friend, I miss LOVE
 
 
 
I can't do this
 
Tunny
 
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''Tunny''
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 8/9/2008 3:37 AM (GMT -7)   

I text my ex that I managed to leave a post... She replied ''Good Good''... I can't stop crying... I want to get better and be there for her... I want to be strong.... I don't want her to see me like this... I want to make her proud... I want my best friend back but so scared of her seeing this... I want to stop making her life difficult and her to love me again. I hate Bp!!!!!

 


 
Tunny
 
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mom2four
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 8/9/2008 6:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Tunny,
I am so sorry you are hurting so badly right now. Maybe she just needs a little space to rethink this. Relationships are really difficult with or without bp. I'm sure that there are other people here who know more that will offer you more help. I just wanted to let you know someone is here, we do care, and I'm really sorry you are in such pain

''Tunny''
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 8/9/2008 7:06 AM (GMT -7)   
mom2four,
Thank you just wish I had a second chance at it
 
Tunny
 
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serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/9/2008 11:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Tunny,

Welcome back to the site. I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that you're suffering so. My advice is that you seek out a therapist as soon as you can. You need help processing all you've been through and while this board is certainly a great place for you to vent and get some support, a professional will be able to guide you in ways we just can't.

All my best wishes,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


''Tunny''
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 8/9/2008 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Serafena,

Hi ya long time no see, you've been such a help in the past with your advice for myself as a partner and her family. It's so nice to hear from you thank you for finding time to reply to me. Im sure my other post rings some bells to you as to who I am. If it was'nt for my ex I would'nt have had the courage to return on here. She means so much to me and to finally admit my struggling to her last night took all I had within myself. I don't want her to see me not being strong. I want her to be proud of me and to have me there ready should she ever want or need. I will never be able to give up on her or what we had after all that has happened. I love her so very very much. As you will have seen from my previous post I am a Soldier in the Army over here in the U.K. and rest assured I will be going to see my doctor as soon as I can as the service is second to none compared to the NHS in the U.K.. I want to be able to have the strength and support to get back on my own two feet and continue the dream should she ever turn round to notice me in the background. As a sufferer of Bipolar II I wanted to ask that if you think its best to just let her have her space or if I should let her know how I feel. She is struggling at the moment and I just want to do the right thing by her. She has support through her family and two friends from her time in hospital. I just want to be the best man I can for her, not smother her anymore and learn how to be the best possible future Bp Partner i can for her.... Please offer your advice

Thank you and sorry but you really help and I am going to take note of what you have said about getting help because that is both you and her who have suggested it. Take care and thank you
 
Tunny
 
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serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/9/2008 11:45 AM (GMT -7)   
I would say both. Let her know how you feel, then let her have space. Let her know you're still there if she needs or wants you, but stay out of her way if she wants to try and feel her way around. She may just need some time away to sort things out.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


''Tunny''
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 8/9/2008 12:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Serafena,
Thank you for your advice it helps so much talking to someone who has been where she is. Its so hard to try and find the right thing to do at any given moment but she is worth the steep learning curve. Being where I am now is temporary, giving up would make it permanent. Ive realised how I failed her and now I want the chance to make it right. One day at a time. I will get myself help and then and only then when im strong again I will let her know how I feel, give her space, let her know im there still and pray that fate works its hand.
Thank you again :-)
 
Tunny
 
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