I've been on here before as i'm the ex-partner of my soul mate who suffers from Bp, you won't recognise my log-on though. I've not used the site for sometime as I wanted her to have privacy and be able to turn to others who had been in her shoes and that could speak from experience. Anyway i'm back because she says I need to find help and suggested I came on here now that she is'nt using the site. She ended our relationship yesterday saying she does'nt remember how it feels to love or be in a relationship.
I feel so stupid coming on here, I feel like someone walking into a hospital ward full of patients suffering from cancer and all I've got wrong is a stomach ache or something. I have the upmost respect and understanding for a suffer of Bp, the daily battle and the longing for normality. Please don't be angry with me for this post I don't have anywhere else to turn and i'm so scared.
The only friend I have in this world is my ex and I can see the pain in her eyes at the moment, I don't want to let her down anymore by holding her back from where she belongs. I'm not worthy of her friendship I would rather hurt myself than for her to see what's left of me.
I don't even know what to write. I failed at supporting her as a partner, I want to be the best man I can for her now; she wants a friendship but i'll mess that up too. I just need a friend but I can't turn to my best friend anymore because I can't let her see me not being strong.
I just wish it was me with Bp and not my dream come true.
I hurt everyone I love.
Why her, why did'nt I try harder, how did she forget what it felt like to be loved.
My hearts with her, I wish for her sake I did'nt love her.
I want to run and hide but I want to know she will be safe, I want her to be proud of me, I miss my best friend, I miss LOVE
I can't do this