Like everyone else here, I am clearly bipolar. For some reason talking about all of the things that go on in my head makes it a little less lonely and a bit more tolerable on a day to day basis to deal with. I am not understanding something. I had a really long run on drugs like uppers, adderall, coke, x, alcohol...etc. etc. During this whole period I was told that it was fruitless to really try to treat me other than just symptomatically cuz they couldn't even Identify what would or wouldn't stabilize me due to the fact that I was always on something else. They told me that coming off the drugs would calm down the Bi Polar behaviors but I beg to differ. If anything being sober has opened up a whole new side of things. I have anxiey so so bad and am still fighting myself all the time tomaintain. Some days are better than others but the question is... Like I don't understand why this stuff is still soooo prevalant. I am ready to be NORMAL... All day every day my joints and muscles hurt and I am so dizzy and grind my teeth so bad at night that I literally have dreams they are breaking off in my mouth, I hate looking in a mirror cuz i feel like Im looking at something besides myself. Has anyone ever studied, or been told they have like derealization? I am curious cuz most of the days in the past year I find it hard to function cuz its like a constant adrenaline surge where I start panicking that Im doing eveything wrong or that I am acting weird and I fell totally disconnected from reality like Im not in my own body and just floating aroud watching everything happen. Honestly, I feel sick like all the time, ears hurt, and there's nothing really wrong other than some allergies. But this really does feel worse then when I just ran around getting high all the time. Now it seems to be even more disturbing to have the issues due to the fact that I don't even want to be around people most of the time or I spend most of the day trying to figure out why Im dizzy and in constant pain like neck, back, knees, hips, yoga won't help, exercise doesn't help I mean I am 25 and I feel 85 most of the time. What is wrong with me???????