I'm losing it over here

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Daisydoll
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 8/13/2008 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   
When my world gets crazy and my emotions are out of control and I just can't get out of my own head I tend to turn to alcohol. I know that all of my meds and alcohol do not go together well...I know this and still I make the choice to drink, it's the only thing in that moment that makes me feel like I'm not going to implode.
 
My therapist and I have been working really hard on this particular issue and I myself feel like I have tried SO hard not to drink...but I slipped up, actually I slipped up pretty bad and I hurt my friends and family...I screwed up. Now most of my friends refuse to talk to me and the ones who are talking to me are being really harsh and pretty darn nasty. I've always thought of myself as a nice person and a good friend but apparently I'm wrong on both accounts. I've never felt so hurt, alone and miserable in my entire life. I really feel like I'm losing it and I don't know how to stop this downward spiral, I can't stop crying and for the first time in my life I'm actually scared that I might hurt myself...I need help

Daisydoll - 26 yr old female
Bipolar, Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Insomnia and Panic Attacks....basically a big ball of mess.
 
"I am in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there" - John Mayer 


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 8/13/2008 2:30 PM (GMT -7)   

Daisydoll,

I totally understand how you feel, I too have tired to alcohol in the past when the going gets tough.  It made me feel good for a while, but it masked my true feelings.  In the end I was hurting really bad and no one wanted to be aroiund me.  I was irritable, severely depressed, had major rage and sudden outbursts, I hated everyone around me to the point that even my family stopped talking to me.  But I took charge and worked hard to turn my life around and tried to mend the broken relationships.  It was not easy at all, and not everything was perfect in the end.  Actually it was quite the opposite, I lost some friends in the process, but I found myself again.

Please don't give up on yourself, but try to work with your therapist on coping skills.  Like what can you do when things get tough to help you handle the situation instead of drinking.  What positive things can you do to keep you from spiraling downwards?

One thing you can do when things have calmed down a little bit is to talk with your friends and try to mend your relationships.

There are also hotlines that you can call when you need to talk to someone, here are a few:

National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)

Please let us know how things are going when you get a chance.
 
Olivia
Olivia
Bipolar Co-Moderator


Only by seeking challenges can we hope to find the best in ourselves. ~Robert Rodriguez

Don't let your yesterday ruin your today.


missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 8/13/2008 6:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Daisydoll! Hang in there. I really hope you are feeling better right now. You will make it through this.

Hugs,
Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 8/13/2008 6:53 PM (GMT -7)   
*hugs* please keep us updated on how you're doing. and don't think twice about using those hotlines if you need them! we're here for you.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Now possibly even celiacs disease!Lots of tests coming up so hopefully I'll know more soon. Too many meds to list!


Daisydoll
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 8/13/2008 9:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for being here for me I appreciate the support, thank you especially Olivia for the resources. I'm hoping not to need them but I'm glad that I know where to find help if I do.

I have an appt with my therapist tomorrow (if I can get out of bed) and I'm hoping we can address these issues...it might be time for me to be hospitalized for a while, I've really never felt this low and miserable
Daisydoll - 26 yr old female
Bipolar, Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Insomnia and Panic Attacks....basically a big ball of mess.
 
"I am in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there" - John Mayer 


missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 8/14/2008 6:30 AM (GMT -7)   
I know how hard it is to go into the hospital away from what you know. But being out of your norm may help you to focus on your life and what you need to do to get better and help fix your broken relationships. Plus it will get you away from the alcohol and help you to focus on kicking that tendency. Have you thought of AA? A lot of there 12 steps can also apply to our bipolar and help out especially with the depression part. I hope you make it to the therapist today.

Keep us updated.
Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


Daisydoll
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 8/14/2008 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Well missflip you must have read my therapists mind :) I just got back from my session and she and I put together a sobriety plan which includes 2-3 AA meetings a week. I still feel very lost and alone but I told her that I would be willing to give this a try. I know now that even if I don't have the support of anyone else in my life I at the very least have Debbie (my therapist) and I have all of you on this board...thank you all again so much for being here for me.
Daisydoll - 26 yr old female
Bipolar, Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Insomnia and Panic Attacks....basically a big ball of mess.
 
"I am in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there" - John Mayer 


missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 8/14/2008 1:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey. Good to hear that you have a plan in motion. Try to stick to it. The people you have here and the people you will meet in AA will become a great support system for you, I promise. Then hopefully you won't feel so alone. I know how alone feels; I feel that way too a lot even though I have a supportive husband, a 12 month old, and my mom. I still feel lost at times. Just try to hang in there and stick to your new plan. You can do it.

Hugs,
Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/15/2008 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Good luck Daisydoll! We'll all be pulling for you here. Don't be afraid to use the board as a resource if you need backup!

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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