New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 8/16/2008 5:56 PM (GMT -7)   
don't know if there's a point to posting this here. I'm just looking for support, but this forum has been almost dead lately. sad I don't know where else to go though.
 
overwhelming guilt hit me tonight. I just started to think of my dad and how he's completely alone. if something happens to him there's no one there to help. I feel like I've abandoned him during his time of need. I feel guilty for being sick...mentally and physically. my boyfriend sees him more than I do and I know that's hard on my dad. he used to see me almost every day...if not multiple times a day. I would go with my boyfriend to drive my dad around, but he goes straight from school to pick him up and he only has a limited amount of time between school and work so driving across town to get me just isn't an option. I talk to my dad on the phone, but I get so frustrated sometimes because of his lying now and because of his pity parties. I understand where he's coming from, but he won't do anything to help himself. I'm sure the depression he's gotten in over his illnesses doesn't make him motivated to do anything, but like I said now that he's lying so often it's hard to know truth from lies. I don't even know if he's taking his newly prescribed lexapro let alone all the meds that are keeping him alive. there's nothing I can really do though I guess. I mean I'm 27 years old...it would be a little weird if I still lived at home and wasn't living my own life. if I lived closer to him things would be better, but I live across town and without me driving and without him driving there's no way I can get there. he hardly has any money and I can't help him out there either. I think he's not eating much because he's afraid he can't afford to and that scares me. he's weak enough as it is...he doesn't need malnutrition on top of it. I don't even have the money to buy him some food to help out. I can hardly afford food for myself. heck I can't even really fully take care of myself let alone someone else. I just don't know what to do any as we all know my family isn't an option for help. just a bunch of self absorbed jerks. makes me so mad. cry
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Now possibly even celiacs disease!Lots of tests coming up so hopefully I'll know more soon. Too many meds to list!


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/17/2008 12:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Closure,

(The forum has been a little slow lately, hasn't it...)

All I can do is reassure you that guilt is not a healthy or useful emotion. You don't need to feel guilty. You are in need too, and deserve the same support and help that your father does. He may need an immediate thing like help being driven around that you can't provide, but there are other places he could get that if he really needed to. I know nothing about his finances of course, or what assistance he's already receiving in terms of disability or social security, but I hope he's receiving everything he deserves. One way you could help is to make sure he's maximized all his available benefits.

You mentioned that he's lying and he's unmotivated. These things are SO frustrating. My father is an alcoholic, who also lies and wallows in his sorrow. He is also impossibly stuck in his position despite having everyone around him ready to help at a moment's notice. It's heartbreaking and yet infuriating, because there's nothing we can do about it, because he refuses to do anything himself. And you need to remember that too. You are not responsible for what your father CHOOSES. Such as taking his pills. Such as his eating habits. He knows he needs to eat. Remind him if you need to. Does your town have an elder shuttle that will come pick up seniors and take them around town? Usually to places like doctors appointments and grocery stores. Check the yellow pages or call the senior center in town and ask. I don't know how much it costs.

I hope this helps a little. You are a good daughter. You care about your dad, you talk to him on the phone. You see him when you can. You're in a sticky situation and your boyfriend shuttles him around daily. That's more than most boyfriends would do! There's no need to feel guilty. You're doing what you can when you can, and your father needs to do more for himself. He's an adult, and you can challenge him to take better care of himself.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 8/17/2008 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks hon. *hugs*

I'm feeling a little better, but not much. We were able to make it to the store today real quick and my dad mentioned yesterday that he had been craving corn on the cob. So my boyfriend is going to take him some tomorrow when he drives him around.

My dad is in the process of getting disability. It's just another thing to add to the stress. He owns 2 houses and a business that's failing miserably so we're also trying to get all that straightened out.

As for elderly services...I don't think he qualifes since he's in his 50s. Plus he's not labeled disabled officially yet.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Now possibly even celiacs disease!Lots of tests coming up so hopefully I'll know more soon. Too many meds to list!


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 8/17/2008 3:22 PM (GMT -7)   
getting very depressed again. guess I'll just go to bed and pull the covers over my head. *sigh*
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Now possibly even celiacs disease!Lots of tests coming up so hopefully I'll know more soon. Too many meds to list!


missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 8/17/2008 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey closure.

I know how going to bed feels when you are depressed. I do that too.

I agree with serafena; you shouldn't feel guilty. You do what you can and that is all you can do. You need to take care of yourself right now before you can take care of anyone else. Plus your father knows what he needs to do to take care of himself; it is up to him to choose to do that.

Have you looked into places like churches, social centers, Salvation Army, Goodwill, places like that to see if they deliver meals to people. I know that several of these places here will deliver meals once up to three times a week to people who are sick and can't get out and financially strapped. You could check into that and that would ensure that your father gets some meals to eat, already prepared.

Take care of yourself.

Hugs,
Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 8/17/2008 7:28 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks missflip. *hugs* I'll have to look into those things. my father is on a very strict diet though because of his heart condition and the clogged artery in the back of his neck. they aren't able to do open heart surgery to fix the clogged arteries in his heart and the clogged artery in his neck can't be fixed at all...not even stents. so they have him on a very strict diet to keep the arteries from clogging anymore. I just don't understand the food situation sometimes. like why are the healthiest foods the most expensive? I just don't get it. and they wonder why most americans are overweight. I know for me personally I have to buy cheap stuff because I just can't afford anything else. my dad struggles and buys a little food, but all healthy. sorry kind of off topic with the food...just something that really bothers me sometimes.

we've got so much stuff to figure out...like what to do with his properties, his medical conditions, my medical conditions, rides, food, etc. it's really overwhelming me.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Now possibly even celiacs disease!Lots of tests coming up so hopefully I'll know more soon. Too many meds to list!


missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 8/18/2008 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I understand totally the food thing. Being pregnant and having a 12 month old, we try really hard to eat healthy too and it is unbelievably expensive. Fresh fruits and vegetables are through the roof. We are trying hard to eat healthier to be a good example for the kids but wow! It bothers us too.

Not to pry or be overbearing but I have another question for you...Have you considered selling one of your father's houses to help get extra income? I don't know if that is an option. Just trying to help.

Also, many of those places I mentioned earlier that help with food, will help get him the types of foods he needs. It would still be worth looking into. Another thing too is that some places offer rides (such as churches, etc. again) for people; you could check that out too.

I really hope you are feeling much better today. Again, don't feel guilty. You shouldn't; you do the best that you can and that is all you can do. You are a great daughter to care so much for your father. That is so obvious. And his lying - he is just wanting the extra attention but perhaps you should say something to him about it. It might upset him at first but explain to him that it just doesn't help with things and that you are doing the best that you can right now.

Keep posting. I am worried about you and thinking of you.

Hugs,
Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 8/18/2008 3:43 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks again missflip *hugs* as for the houses...he lives in one, I live in the other. I pay the mortgage here, but it's in his name. we're working on figuring out what to do about it all.

with the lying I highly doubt he'd even come clean. sometimes I don't even think he realizes he's lying...that's how bad it's gotten. calling him out on it would probably do nothing but produce more lies.

I'm feeling a little better I guess, but still very overwhelmed and stressed. also very lonely.
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Now possibly even celiacs disease!Lots of tests coming up so hopefully I'll know more soon. Too many meds to list!


missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 8/18/2008 6:10 PM (GMT -7)   
It's hard not to feel lonely; I feel lonely alot with what all I'm going through right now. I just feel so all alone and as if no one fully understands the extent of what I am feeling. I know you probably do feel really overwhelmed and stressed. It would be hard not to right now. Just try to take it one thing at a time. Do one thing and get it taken care of then go on to the next thing.

It is easy for someone to tell you what to do and another thing for you to do it. I know. But we are always here for you. I try to check in several times a day. I don't always post but I do check in.

I am going to my ob tomorrow for a check up. I am planning on talking to him about delivering early about around 36 weeks. I have made it to 32 weeks believe it or not with all the complications I have had this time. It is amazing. I hope he will agree to do it.

Well, have a good night. Try to get some rest. Always here for you.

Hugs,
Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


closure
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 471
   Posted 8/18/2008 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks missflip. it's nice to feel like someone cares. *hugs* good luck tomorrow.


been pretty depressed today...even too depressed to be on the computer. now I know that's bad. I'm always online. *sigh*
27 female
 
Bipolar, panic disorder, PTSD, PCOS, hashimoto's disease/hypothyroidism, acid reflux, and in the process of being diagnosed with either crohns, colitis, or even lupus...who knows really! the docs sure don't lol. Now possibly even celiacs disease!Lots of tests coming up so hopefully I'll know more soon. Too many meds to list!


missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 8/19/2008 6:35 AM (GMT -7)   
I hope you got some sleep last night. Sometimes sleep helps to clear the mind and makes things not seem so bad. So I hope you got some sleep. I have to go get ready for the doctor. I will check in to see if you have posted and how you are doing.

Sometimes I am so depressed that I come here and don't post. I just read what others have left. I totally understand how depressed you are. It really stinks.

Hugs,
Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, December 09, 2016 1:01 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,735,200 posts in 301,283 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151386 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Kier.
198 Guest(s), 4 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
THE HAPPY TURTLE, ufindjess, Girlie, gilly2


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer