Please Help!!!

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samoascookies
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 8/27/2008 8:22 AM (GMT -7)   
I have a call into the P-Doc but i have a question and maybe you have an answer I have hypomania bipolar II- my soon to be ex wife handed me back the checkbook.  Use to have a lot of $$$$$ in checking and now I dont.  I am having extream difficulty in keeping track of what little money is left.  I need a hand in this.  My ex-wife said she would help but I am really afraid of her getting the check book again since i am near bankruptcy.  And she is mostly the reason for it. I handed her the check book two years ago because of my undiagnosed and deteriorating depression.  For decades i was succesful and use to never balance a checkbook.  I find myself unable to do so now...Is this part of the diesase?  I have know stopped writting any checks I am near tears and cant seem to handle what is going on, until I am sure I have the money for them...bills be darned,.any suggustions would be helpful!  Park benches are hard and i am headed for one if i cant get a handle on this...
 
I am filing for bankruptcy because of debt.  Is there any help for people with my condition and or resources i can tap. My P-Doc seems un-commital on [hypomania] as a cause an effect but honestly my ability seems impaired in this regard.   

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 8/27/2008 9:16 AM (GMT -7)   

Samoascookies, You need to stand still and stop panicking for a moment.  You say "for decades" you "use" to be very successful and never have to balance a checkbook...that is wonderful, it shows your capabilities - DX or not.  Your DX did not just "show up" one day, so you were successful before - and you WILL be successful again now.  SO...Step one...CALM DOWN.  Step two - TAKE A DEEP BREATH.  Step three - if presented with a problem such as this prior to your DX ask yourself how you would have handled it successfully.  Step four - don't panic, think rationally now and come at this problem from an intelligent place.  Step five - ask yourself how you would council another in your situation and then FOLLOW YOUR OWN ADVISE.

If your ex helped put you in this hole, do not turn to her to help you get out of it, she is clearly the wrong person to trust.  Who else do you have on your wellness team you can ask support of at this time?  Don't lean on your dx as an excuse, I am not saying it may have not contributed, but again...using your words, you were successful for decades in the past, which means you are intelligent and capable, time to call upon that part of yourself once again and let it take over in this area.  Demand it of yourself right now whether you feel capable or not.  You CAN do it.  Go back to the behaviors (assuming they were healthy ones) that allowed you to be successful in the past and repeat them now.  You will succeed again.

As to what resources are available to you now resulting from the dx...I have no knowledge except to say check with social services perhaps and ask them.  But again, I urge you to call upon your own strength and pull yourself up by your bootstraps and demand your intelligence to come to the forefront.  I just know you can do this if you demand it of yourself from a calm, intelligent and rational place.  Best of luck to you.  LFW

 


samoascookies
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 8/28/2008 4:00 AM (GMT -7)   

thanks LFW

You have been spot on with so much, I appreicate the email shake and slap this was much less expensive than the P-Doc.  Slept ALL day yesterday(when the going gets tough the tough get sleeping) and feel much beter.  Plan to take my daughter down to see her family tommorow,  hang out relax and then move the hell on.  Life is to short I do deserve better for me and my daughter.  I am fortunate that I still have my health and some good ideas to jump start my sagging fortunes.  One good thing about this hypomania it is a well spring of innovation. Being a self made businessman I am having trouble accepting help from others. My first step in that process was visiting and gathering strength from this site and all of you.  The depression is controled now I must move on from a controling ex.  I deserve better!


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/28/2008 8:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Samoascookies:

I have never been very good with managing my accounts and the bp definitely doesn't help. My mind just goes blank when I'm looking at all those receipts and numbers and lord knows I'd rather spend than save. SO, what my husband and I do is use Quicken. No need to use math. Hooray! (My husband is as math-phobic as I am, if much more frugal.) It helps give us some structure and takes care of the balancing part very easily. Ideally we'd use it on a weekly basis to keep the checkbook up to date, but we're a little less organized than that. eyes Still, we do keep it balanced. Just a thought...

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 8/28/2008 10:48 AM (GMT -7)   
YES...Samoascookies...you DO deserve better than dealing with a controlling ex. Be proud of yourself for recognizing that, and now ALLOW yourself the better by actually moving on. Put some of those ideas together to jump start the finances, and keep on keeping on! What you are willing to demand of yourself - you will be able to fulfill, but you have to be willing to demand it first, and then hold yourself accountable. I just know you are capable, you've proven it before, and there is no need for you to get caught in the negative trap of feeling victim to it all. You will also feel better seeing yourself resolve this for yourself. Just remember to put in safeguards to ensure any depression, or mania, stays within safe, positive, and functional limits for your self (checks and balances). You sound so much stronger now. Good for you. Keep us posted. BTW, Serafena's Quicken idea is great too. I use it for bill pay and love it! LFW

ekkorose
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 329
   Posted 9/2/2008 12:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Samoascookies -

I have a best friend who is BiPi and I built a checkbook register for her using excel that makes it a lot easier to track her spending and her money. Do you know how to use excel at all? If you do I am more then willing to send you a blank copy with the instructions to use it.

SMP

In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children. The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted. The result is unruly children and childish adults. ~Thomas Szasz 


missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 9/2/2008 6:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey. I also turned over the reins of the checkbook and bills to my husband. He is an accountant and much better at looking ahead and planning and keeping me reined in on the money. Thank goodness for him! I definitely cannot handle it when I am severely depressed or manic for that matter. Is there anyone else you could trust (a friend or other family member) to help you out especially when you are in a bp mood? That way you could call on them to take over until you feel better. You do not need to turn to your soon to be ex, that is a big no. Don't do that. She helped get you into this mess; do you honestly think she will help you get out of it? Stick to your guns.

Have a good time with your daughter. Keep us updated too. Hugs.

Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 9/3/2008 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   

idea  Dear Samoascookies. Welcome. Come anytime you're lost and need help. I do. Sometimes it feels there is no way to turn but there is, here. Not only does the writing it down help get it off your chest, but also some folks here have some pretty helpful suggestions. The final decisions, of course, always remain, yours. about the bankruptcy thing you mentioned. I have been in the same shape you're now in, and worse. I never filed for bankruptcy. My reason has always been the finality of it, the permanence, the inflexibility. I am in Canada, so things might be a bit different here, but, a call to the Better Business Bureau netted me an appointment with a financial counsellor who was very helpful. No committment, just suggestions. Also, we have several "not for profit" organizations started up by folks just like you and I who have been in this position and have found their way out and now want to "pay it forward ".

The other thing that helped me was envisioning "how bad can it get, really". I lived out of my car one summer, spent many nights in a pup tent, went to food banks. There is no shame in this (of course you can't drag a child through all of that but maybe a supportive aunt, sibling, gramma, could take care of the child until you work your way through this). Sometimes being BiPolar feels like taking fiinal exams. It feels like god holds us in great esteem b/c he never gives us more than we can handle. I met some of the kindest and most giving and most supportive people, waiting in line at the foodbank. There is no shame in being sick. There is no shame in growing old. There is no shame in being poor. Bible Quote "it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to get into heaven (sorry if that's not precise , but you get the idea.)

I try to remember that BiPolar is a physical disease. Would you be angry with someone who has diabetes, walks pigeon-toed, uses a cane, is in a wheelchair? Why should we feel ashamed and upset b/c we have a disease. None of us signed on for this. best of luck to you, more importantly, best of you, to you.  

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