Ok to put this in a nut shell. Hi I am new here.
I have been on antidepressents for like 9 years. I did go off for about a year and had to go back on. lasted one year no problems on what I was taking.
So in march I could feel myself coming down, so I went to reg doc who has done my meds. We upped my anti-depr. Was fine, than started to feel what I call destructive, drinking, smoking, not wanting to be around anymore-my theory is -if I get in my car and drive away, I will be gone. Than I realize I will still be somewhere. So we went onto lamictal. He started saying bi-polar. I started saying what? I didnt realize that my actions were going in that direction.
It all started when my grandpa became ill and we needed to get into contact with my mom, who left me when I was a child and was in and out of my life since. So I guess this would have been a trigger. he has passed.
I have never had the mania side. Just the depressed. I was taking effexor but it was bringing me down. so went on lexapro with the lamictal. Life was good. but not quite there. so we tried seroquel --my body hates it.
My gp and I have a open honest relationship, I could be open with him and honest. So now he is telling me to go see a PDOC. I did not like this. I feel rejected that he is giving up. I know he is a reg MD, but why.
I dont want to go to someone who wants to mess with my meds, and make me worse. I dont want to explain myself anymore to anyone, I am doing OK not but not great. Is there really ever a great day.
I am in counseling which we are building on the relationship thing. I just dont like new.
Is this a ok feeling, is this the way I should feel, this all so new to me.
Will I always be switching meds and such.