Welcome to HealingWell and to the board.
I don't think you need to feel guilty at all. You have been put through the ringer and endured abuse. No one should allow themselves to be abused. You did the right thing by leaving. He wasn't parenting his children and he was abusing you. That's a deal breaker.
It's true that the disorder plays some part in causing all that chaos to happen for him, but he does have some self-determination left underneath the bipolar. Several of us on the board are married and we do not treat our spouses that way because we choose not to. That's not how we LET our disorder manifest itself. There is a small degree of responsibility available to your husband, and he's choosing to ignore it, despite your pleading. I'm sorry your marriage is crumbling, but it's good that he's getting professional help. Only professionals can help him now. If you're willing to wait for him to get stabilized and go back, then consider a separation, but I don't think you need to torture yourself over this. You are protecting yourself and your children. You have every right to do so.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum