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Mr.T
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 9/4/2008 5:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey guys and gals,
 
  It's been some time since I have been on the boards.  I stopped taking all of my meds and stopped seeing my doctor about 3 months ago.  I still take medicine to sleep, but can get that from the pharmacy.  The problem is lately I have been having very bad thoughts of just wanting to end it again.  It's weird soem days i am fine and other days I just want to go to bed and not wake up.  I guess stress is up again, but I thougth I was handling it ok.  I just can't afford to and do not want to keep my records going on seeing my psch. doc. again.  It's a very negative thing here and effects all of your future health care.  I am not willing to go back on meds so if anyone has any ideas of how to "self help" yourself through the tough times i would greatly appreciate it.  Thanks alot and I hope that all of you are doing well.  Have a good day.

missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 9/4/2008 6:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Mr. T. I hate that it is a negative thing there to keep seeing a pdoc and take medication for a very serious illness. It is not fair. As for these hard times you are having, when I was on serious times like yours and trying to get the right medications going, it helped me to have faith in something. I would watch tv a lot too. It helped to get lost in another world that wasn't my own. I got hooked on several tv programs and it helped to take my mind off of things in my own reality. Sometimes I would just give in to sleeping and sleep.

That is what I use to do and still have those times even now. I don't know if any of those things will work for you but it is worth a try. Hang in there and please don't give in to ending it. Talk to someone first, anyone. We are always here too, you know.

Lots of hugs,
Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


Mr.T
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 9/4/2008 6:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for your quick reply.  I am jsut about to get ready for work and just happened to look at my email page again.  I will give some of your ideas a try.  I do need to get myself involved in something other than thinking about me and my problems.  I have a co-worker who has just got back to town and she speaks pretty good English and has become a good friend. Of course i would never speak about this with her, but she did say she wanted to take salsa lessons and i just may take her up on that.  It may keep my mind going into a different direction.  Who knows.  Some people just don't understand how good and bad it can be living in a foreign country where English is not the first language.  Thanks for your advice.

sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 9/4/2008 7:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Mr. T....Hello! I've been wondering where you were at! I'm glad you finally had time to post to us around here.
 
What the heck is going on? The last time I heard from you everything was going great for you with your new job and meeting and getting together after work with your co-workers.
 
How did you get to where you are today? I don't mean to be ignorant...but I totally am regarding this subject. Why is it so difficult treating your illness where you are at?
 
What made you decide to go off your medications?
Mr. T...you need to be on your medications. This is serious and you know that. I believe that is why you are feeling the way you are feeling. You need some help. You just can't ignore bipolar and hide under the covers and sleep your life away or live in front of the television set avoiding everything. I mean there is a  proper time and situation for all of that, and yes that all does help from time to time to help us out when we are walking on shakey ground, but you certainly can't live the rest of your life that way, and I'm afraid that without your medication and therapy that is where you will find yourself or worse.  And your thoughts are not healthy right now!
 
I don't know...it's just my own personal opinion that we just cannot pull up our own bootstraps without the help of medication, and regular visits to a good pdoc and therapist. I encourage you to get back on your medications and back into therapy.
 
I think it sounds GREAT if you were to offer to take salsa lessons with your friend. That is the type of thing you need in your life right now.
 
Hope to hear from you soon! 
 
 

Mr.T
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 9/5/2008 12:29 AM (GMT -7)   

Well, I guess life threw me back onto the roller coaster.  Since my partner has been going through his cancer treatments he has gotten very angry and mentally abusive.  He seems to be doing fine phsically, but goes into tantrums where he starts to throw things around and start screaming and yeling.  I guess that put me back into a funky mode.  Work is still good and for the most part I am happy, but there are those days.. 

 

As far as getting good treatment here it is very difficult and looked at very poorly in the eyes of your peers and friends.  They don't quite understand the whole situation, plus I could not afford to keep going to see the doctor and get the meds.  I believe I have alot less bad side effects off of the meds and prefer not to be. I did seee my doctor when i was taking rick to his treatment and he asked how it was going and I told him fine and he seemed alright with it.  Never questioned why i stopped seeing him or anything so it seemed normal to me and him I guess.

 

believe me I don't have the time to sleep my life away, yes I will zone out in front of the tv, but like I said i am hoping to start to do more with darne calss or something.  It's not easy for me to make friends and I do like my alone time, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to call up to do something.

Anyway, we will see what the rest of the week brings and take it from there.  hopefully I will be going up a big hill.   


missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 9/5/2008 6:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Mr. T, I do agree with serafena - you really do need your medications. As for peers and friends finding out about your illness and looking badly at you; they will not know if you do not tell them. I fully know how that is; I have dealt with that issue too. Certain people know and certain people do not know.

It sounds like your partner is having a hard time dealing with his illness as well with the tantrums. I am sorry about that. Just remember that it is not you or your fault.

Also, I meant to tell you that exercising does me a lot of good too. I know there are days when it is hard to move much less exercise but on those days that are good, by all means exercise. The salsa lessons will help, yes indeed. But you should try working out some too. It really boosts my brain chemicals and I do experience less bad days. (Of course, I do take my meds too.) But before we got my meds right, I exercised and forced myself to do so. Plus, sunshine is great too. If you could exercise outside, that would help too.

OK, I think that is all I have to suggest. I do wish you would reconsider going back on your meds. And seeing a therapist - that could be someone you could talk to about anything and not worry about being judged.

Hope you have a better day.

Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


Mr.T
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 9/6/2008 12:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the support.  I am still not ready to try the medicine route again yet.  I am going to take all of your advice and excercise, dance and keep my mind busy.  Oh, and pray alot for the best.  I do feel ok as I said right now, but you just never know.  trying to communicate to a thai therapist is not helpful whatsoever and I still do not feel comfortable speaking with them.  Too many misunderstandings and too much medication.  I think I will be fine, just going through a phase.

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 9/6/2008 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Mr. T, I read briefly in one of your notes that your partner is going through cancer treatment and has since gotten hostile and abusive. Look at the medication as a possible issue. We had a relative who was sick and the medication she was on caused a severe personality shift towards aggression and hostility. We flagged the MD and they shifted the meds and all that nonsense ended with her. It turned out to be a style of allergic reaction to whatever that med was. Of course that may not be the case here, but it may be worth a conversation with the MD's to check. Good luck to you on all the other issues. I realize you ended meds, but I caution you to also be responsible about recognizing BP is a serious condition and staying consistent with meds and treatment is your best defense. If the negative thoughts are back, recognize your body is saying you are NOT okay without medication. Seek the proper help (pdoc, therapy, etc.) and anyone who thinks negatively for you taking care of yourself say, "to hell with them", and move on. Don't let that stop you from doing what is best for you. Good luck. LFW

sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 9/19/2008 6:38 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Mr. T,

How have you been feeling lately? How are things going between you and your partner?...any better? LFW had a good point...was just wondering if you looked into the medication issue. Have you been able to try the excercise or dance lessons? Hope things are lookin up for you. Keep us posted.


Mr.T
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 9/21/2008 4:29 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks for checking in.  I have actually been in the hospital for the past two weeks.  No not for my mental situaution,  I had a perferation in my small intestine andthey finally had to open up and find the culprit(a toothpick) and get it out.  I am in a bit of pain.  Only about a 5 inch wound, but right on my stomach so a bit tender and hard to move.  I asked fro early release and bed time and they finally agreed.  Still not taking any meds and feel fine with that.  The meds they gave me for pain after surgery did nothing they said my tlerance was just too high.  My luck, oh well, a couple days of hell and now just pain, but at least i am home and can try to start working again from my home for a couple of days then back to the office.  It hurts like hell and I get screaming headaches from the spinal medicine tap being removed, but as long as I don't ask for pain meds and smile I should get a go from all of my doctors.  Enough on that.  I feel fine now and just want to get back to work and on my feet again.  If I lose my job or don't sell soon, problems may arise and i don't want that.  thnks, for checking in.  take care.

 

jery


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/22/2008 8:03 AM (GMT -7)   
You swallowed a toothpick?!?

OUCH!!!!

That all sounds so painful, I'm so sorry to hear of it. I hope you recover quickly and smoothly and are back on your feet soon.

Be well,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Mr.T
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 9/22/2008 6:53 PM (GMT -7)   
OUCH is to say the least.  It took them 4 weeks to locate it.  They never saw one get past the throat or esophogus without getting stuck there, but as my luck would have it as usual it's never going to be the easy way, but I am feeling much better.  I am still very sore from the surgery and have an epidural headache I am fighting.  I don't really want to go back in for a blood patch in the spine, but if it doesn't go waway soon, I will have to.  Pushing myself as usual to get back to work.  Hate sitting at home.  Everybody thinks I am crazy, but I have to keep my mind busy and work does that for me.  No pain No gain i guess.  Anyway, thanks for the support.  I'll get through it in time.

sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 9/23/2008 11:49 AM (GMT -7)   
shocked  OMG...how in the heck did you swallow a toothpick? What were you eating?
 
shakehead  I'm so sorry you are in so much pain! I hope some type of relief will come to you soon! (((Gentle Hugs)))
 
I'm glad things are going fine with you without your other medications and if work is what keeps you going, I hope you are able to get back there soon.
 
Best wishes for a speedy recovery! blush
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